Halloween 2009

It's Halloween again, a time where all children enjoy dressing up. Unless that child's name is Luca.



Hmm, I've screwed up the order of my photo's. The next one was supposed to be a picture of Luca in a different Halloween outfit. However, while we're here this is a picture of the pumpkin pie I baked on Sunday. I'd never made it before, and indeed wasn't even sure if it was a main course or dessert! (Yes, I now know it's a surprisingly delicious dessert!)




OK, looks like we're getting back to the correct order. Here's Luca in his devil outfit. Do you notice my hand in the picture? Jelly sweet related bribery was the only means we had at our disposal to allow us to take a picture without witnessing incessant tantrumming!



Ah - this one should have been before the pumpkin pie picture, and would have described why I even attempted to make the pie in the first place. With it being All Hallows Eve I carved a pumpkin head for Luca's amusement. A very frustrated hour later I had it finished and lit it up inside for full effect. "Put the lights back on Daddy" called a distinctly underwhelmed Luca.

With this blogs timeline making as much sense as "Pulp Fiction", we're now transported back to Saturday morning. Luca and I had a few errands to run in Aberdeen, so left the house at a rather unhealthily early hour and made our way Eastwards in "Daddy's noo cah" This photo was taken at the end of the morning at Codona's Fairground. This is Luca's "speed freak" face.

And, um, very interestingly, here's Luca on the same ride, just from a different angle. I'm his Dad and even I find this picture a bit dull.

OK, that's enough now.

Thankfully here we are at a new location, the Pirate Island Crazy Golf Centre. Did we have a go? For £10 each armed with the knowledge that Luca would lose complete interest by the second hole?

No.

This picture was taken a little earlier the same morning outside Aberdeen Central Library. He loves it here and excitedly runs to the children's book section the second we get inside. "Come on Daddy" he calls" "We go see Luca's books". I can be a little mean sometimes though (I do this in the pretence of teaching him patience) and often insist on visiting another section first. He'll dance around my legs, plead and run down the hall in the forlorn hope that I'll follow him and take him to where he wants to be. "In a minute Luca" I quietly tell him as his dancing surprisingly recreates a short legged (and ever more manic) version of the Lambada.

Sorry, poor show again on the photo's. Allied to the many (pointless) duplicate pictures taken I missed photo opportunities beside a concrete lion sculpture ("No like it Daddy, Luca's scared"), in Marks and Spencers returning Carole's faulty coat ("No lady, that's Luca's coat), in my favourite music shop ("We buy this Daddy?" as he hands me a particularly cheesy girlband pop album), in the comic shop ("It's Spiderman!") and at the outdoor market ("Daddy, it's fish! Luca get the fish - oh no it's slippy!").

I'm lost as to what order I should report events in, so will continue to write in this obliquely nonsensical style (a la Dan Brown). Our doorbell was surprisingly quiet on Saturday as only two little girls came trick or treating. The disappointment was hardly massive though as since I've been enjoying many a mini Curly Wurly.

I almost neglected to mention our new door sign. Our front door is now proudly adorned with sign bearing the words "Luca's House". His reign as owner and ruler of the world (in his mind) has to start somewhere.

**Useless fact of the day - The practice of dressing up in costumes and begging door to door for treats on holidays dates back to the Middle Ages and includes Christmas wassailing. Trick-or-treating resembles the late medieval practice of souling, when poor folk would go door to door on Hallowmas (November 1), receiving food in return for prayers for the dead on All Souls Day (November 2)**

Friday 30th October 2009

Here's a nice entrance photo to get you started - my camera even blurred the picture in disgust at the face he was pulling!



This one's a little more sedate thankfully, although this is a rare pose - her life usually involves trying to lick off the epidermis of your skin. Still can't decide whether she's overly affectionate or simply enjoys the taste of human flesh......Look into those eyes, can't you see the evil?



Yes, I'm fully aware this is a pitiful photograph. The camera on my mobile phone is rather pathetic and obviously no fault of any kind lies with the photographer.

It's been a while since I posted an Isis picture so here she is. Or the "comedy tripper upper" as she's more commonly known. After a relatively lengthy slump she's become much more active and affectionate over the past two weeks, but as with every positive comes a negative. Although she's a happier pooch she's started to crowd us as we move around the house, weaving round our legs with all the grace of a drunk club footed ballroom dancer. This has resulted in the most common phrase uttered in our house changing from "Luca, will you switch the telly off" to "For **** sake Isis get out the way"!

We love her really.

What is there to report today? Other than the fact that no-one else is updating their blogs with the regularity imposed on them by the treaty of virecit vulnere virtus which dictates that all blogs must be updated thrice weekly and Facebook doesn't count?

It's been quiet at our house since Mike and Val went home. Carole and I have taken to watching a couple of rather grizzly (if admittedly clunky) horror films while Luca has taken to replicating the sound the dogs make when they're hungry. Although his whine is interminably endless and often reaches pitches only Sima and Isis can hear. Why is he whining? Why does it always rain on me.

On the subject of whining, little Sima had a bad night last night. Someone held a fireworks display nearby and even from inside the house she was petrified. Indeed at one point I had to go to the toilet so had to take her with me. As she shivered in the corner of the tiled floor I did wonder whether the cold hard (and inevitably unhygienic) floor was helping. As you'd expect we're having to be extremely wary when out on walks in the evening just now. It raises the age old question as to why it's even legal for fireworks to be sold to the public. Endless weeks of scaring animals and burning and injuring children? Yeah, wonderful idea.

This weekend will be our first quiet weekend in quite a while (due to visitors, night out, events, work, etc, etc) and as such we're rather looking forward to it. Our furthest trip will likely be to the horse sanctuary in Aboyne. Although I have had to insist on Carole signing an affidavit confirming that we will not be taking any horse sized souvenirs home with us.

No Luca stories today I'm afraid. Other than his incessant whining he's been very good of late. However, he's still not the boldest of children with his "Luca's being careful" credence striking with too great a regularity. He even gets nervous when riding on his Dad's back (a la the "horsey") and I swear my ears have been stretched to twice their normal size due to his decision to utilise them as his reins.

**Useless fact of the day - Men's ears grow in seven year cycles**

Monday 26th October 2009

I'm so sorry having read the news on Lucy's blog. Whether it was expected or not it must still hurt. Bailey had such a great life though, she'll have loved her time with you.

Very much puts Sima's 60 hour disappearance into perspective.

Speaking of whom, I'm intrigued as to whether our dog pound will contain the Jack Russell on arrival home tonight. During their visit Val seems to have taken a shine to our four legged midget and I am worried she'll be dognapped and - as I write - snoozing in the back seat of Mikes Alfa Romeo as they roll Lincolnwards.

Yes, Mike and Val are on their way home today, likely looking forward to a good nights sleep. Although reasonably sufficient for it's purpose, our spare bed is oddly angled and as such the nursery rhyme "And they all rolled over and one fell out" is possibly rather apt.

I do hope it didn't cause them too much discomfort. I didn't hear any complaining but that was possibly more due to politeness! Most likely Luca was a greater cause of consternation as he becomes ever more vocal in the mornings. "I've had a nice sleep" and "I wet my bed" are words commonly heard from his surprisingly effective vocal chords early every morning.

He's also becoming more vocal at night too, and is presently suffering a huge increase in nightmares. Indeed last night, in response to howls from his room, I went up and cradled him in my arms. "The dinosaurs" he sobbed "the dinosaurs are coming to get me".

I think Luca may miss his Nana and Grandad. You forget how long it can be between visits so it's been fun seeing him bond again with them. We'll try to make sure he gets to bed sharp tonight (after picking him up from nursery) so he doesn't have the chance to notice their absence too greatly.

I think the Kintore Arms will miss the trade provided by Mike and myself too....

This week will be a case of returning to a familiar routine, with a plethora of jobs to be done around the house (yay) and an even greater number of horror DVD's to be watched. Zombie slaughters here we come!

Halloween's coming up this Saturday, so if you have any suggestions for an outfit for Luca to angrily reject and then tantrum about then please keep it to yourself.

**Useless fact of the day - If you see a spider on Halloween then it is rumoured that it could be the spirit of a dead loved one come to watch over you**

Thursday 22nd October 2009

It just occurred to me on Tuesday that Luca hadn't missed Sima during her 3 day abscondment. I'd assumed he would have been distraught at our puppy's absence and overjoyed at her return but his level of indifference to both was entirely unexpected.

"Sima's back home!" I told him when I picked him up from nursery on Tuesday. "Oh" he replied "Will Nana and Grandad be there too?"

Is this indictaive of how he views dogs - in other words does he view them as toys rather than living creatures? Or would his reaction be similar if, for example, I went missing for a few days? "Hallo Daddy" he'd likely greet me as I walked into the house dissheveled, wet and hungry "Ssshhhh, Luca's watching Peppa Pig on the telly"

I'd rather not think about it. Everythings back to normal at home now, and we're presently engaged in the search for the remaining posters I've yet to take down. I've managed to get quite a few so far but really need to finish this off tonight before an over officious council worker decides that I'm littering or defacing public property or some other nonsense.

Mike and Val arrived back from a brief jaunt to the Cairngorms yesterday and Val cooked us a salmon and asparagus dinner - great stuff. We had cheesecake for dessert too, and I helped Caroles diet by eating her portion too. I did this was for purely altruistic reasons obviously.

I also helped Caroles exercise regime too, by allowing her to take both dogs out for a walk. My back has been playing up and almost seized up mid evening last night which in turn forced me to lie flat on my back until the morning.

I'm getting old.

Today? Luca's back to nursery so Mike and Val are (weather permitting) having another jaunt Northwards while Caroles going to her fitness class after work. This will leave me with the unenviable task of sailing my boat at the fastest rate of knots possible (it's raining really hard up here) to Luca's nursery at the end of the day before they lock the doors and leave him in there for the night.

**Useless fact of the day - It rains most in Lloro Colombia, where they receive over 43 feet on rain every year**

Tuesday 20th September 2009

Sima's home!






I just took these pictures barely half an hour ago - and doesn't she look healthy for a pup who's been alone in the big wide world for two and a half days? Our phone rang this morning, literally minutes before Carole was due to leave for work. It transpires that Sima had scaled a four foot wall into someones garden late last night. The excitement in Carole's voice was tangible as she relayed the news to me - indeed, I almost fell out my seat in shock (happy shock!) at the news. I don't think either of us realised how much a member of the family she was until she was no longer here.

I found some old photo's of Luca while I was uploading Sima's pictures from the camera. I thought perhaps a grandparent/aunty/uncle might appreciate these too. He still regularly sleeps with his bum in the air.

STOP THE PRESS - two texts have just come through on my phone, both from people who claim to have seen Sima yesterday! I should explain first that half the population of Aberdeenshire now have my phone number due to the 50 + posters I spent the last two days attaching to bus stops/dog bins/telegraph poles within a 10 mile radius.

Back to the update, the first text claims to have seen Sima wandering along the side of the A96 (the busy main road between Aberdeen and Inverness), while the second claims to have seen her traipse through a graveyard in Kintore (around 5 miles from here)! Could this be true? She was actually found only a mile from home, is it possible she'd had a greater adventure than we'd previously imagined?

In fact, does anyone recall the 1980's American television series "The Littlest Hobo"? Has Sima re-enacted the star of that shows crazy adventures? Did she spend her time away from home saving Grannies from muggers and providing friendship to blind orphans? I'd like to think so......

Crikey, what else has gone on lately? Or has everything else faded into insignificance after the drama of our puppy getting lost after her fright from the fireworks? Mike and Val arrived up for a visit on Friday. As it's been a year since Luca last saw his Grandad and Nana he was initially a little trepidatious - before quickly recognising the voices he's spent so much time chatting to on the telephone. He's now loving the attention, giggling at the games he plays with Grandad and badgering his Nana to read the book or count the cars "just one more time"

One more time into infinity......

Due to Sima's disappearance we haven't had the chance to do much yet, although Mike and I went to watch the local team (Inverurie Loco's) win two nil on Saturday. In fact, Mike more than cheered the team to victory - he set up the first goal!

He honestly did, I kid you not. We had taken our places as close to the side of the pitch as possible, just behind a set of advertising boardings. Midway into the first half the ball ran over the byline toward the boardings. As the opposition expected the ball to either stop dead or roll through to the edge of the ground Mike instead stuck his right foot through onto the pitch and flicked it quickly to our nearest player, who in turn fed it to his teammate. The ball was rapidly crossed into the opponents penalty area where our striker knocked it in at the far post - around 3 seconds after Mike had started the move!

I think we'll need an agent for the contracts and sponsorship deals that will likely transpire now.

What else? Och, I've no idea. After the awful week we've had, with Granda's passing and Sima's disappearance I'm just glad we received the massive ray of light that was our puppy's arrival home this morning. In fact, could this signal a change of fortune? One of Carole's pals has suggested we buy a lottery ticket for tonight. Which I think I will do right now.

**Useless fact of the day - Around 63% of dogs missing for over 24 hours are never found alive again**

Sunday 11th October 2009

My new car. As mentioned in the previous blog I offloaded the Audi on Thursday and I've replaced it with the above model today - a Toyota Yaris. 3 years old so we'll hopefully see this one behave better than the last. And yes, my 6ft2 frame does indeed fold sufficiently to squeeze inside!

Yes, your eyes don't deceive you - this is Carole posing for a photograph. Admittedly I had to dose her with copious amounts of ketamine, liberally apply superglue on the sofa and place a coathanger in her mouth before utilising the 3 second window this allowed (she is quite feisty as you know) to quickly take the photo. That said it's come out rather well I feel. She is beautiful, I'd like her say cheese more often.

Did you notice Luca's eyes in the photograph with his Mum? Do you notice his eyes are facing in the exact same direction in this one too? I'll give you three guesses as to what is distracting him so.

Bingo, you go it - the television. Does anybody want to buy our TV? We miss our son, he last spoke to us in February.

Yes I jest (arf arf) but he's tantrumming (is that a word?) with increasing regularity as we limit his access. C'est la vie, the punishment is worth the crime as he becomes ever more amusing to converse with. "Hello buddy" I greeted him as I came home the other day. "I'm not buddy" he growled in response "I'm Luca". The depth to which his eyebrows had dropped gave credence to the idea that any kind of response from me would be utterly fruitless.

He chats at such a rate to make his Aunt Jane appear almost mute (OK, impossible, I know). I came home from the car showroom today to be greeted with "Hello Daddy, did you have a nice morning?". Before I could even open my mouth in response he continued "Did you go out for a drive in the white van? Did you go over the bridge to Aberdeen?". I'm not sure what impresses me more, his levels of observation or his ability to correctly convey his thoughts vocally.

If only he would do the same on the phone. He loves listening to his Gran's, Granda's (anyone!) as they chat to him, but perversely clams up somewhat. He's getting better though so keep phoning!

And for Aunts Lucy and Kelly - Skype is now reinstalled so he'll have a video chat with you anytime you like now.

I'm still a little sore today after a busy weekend. On Friday I was at a works quiz night, where my team came 2nd out of 18 teams. Not bad I guess, but was expecting a win. Did I mention I'm the master of completely unhelpful and useless information?

On Saturday (after accompanying Carole and a grumpily tired Luca to Carole's fitness class) I went to Dundee with a friend from work to watch the mighty (cough) Partick Thistle take on big spending (in Scottish terms) Dundee in a top of the table clash. As usual I jinxed the team as we somehow attained a defeat from the jaws of victory. The life of a Thistle fan.

At least I got to see Dad at the game, as he was there too - albeit a brief half time hello. And he was already eating a pie so I never got to treat him! Still, I'll make a trip through with Luca for a slightly more extended hello at some point this week in the new car. Advance warning though, it may be quite a late visit as I'm unsure as to how fast my new cars one litre engine can achieve. "Faster Daddy faster" Luca will likely call out as we gently cruise toward Banchory.

**Useless fact of the day - Respected car bible, the "Parkers" guide rates the Yaris with an overall rating of 4 stars (out of 5)**

Thursday 8th October 2009

Finally, after an interminably and painfully long period Carole had her interview today. And found out within an hour that she'd been offered the position.

A brilliant result, and a relief for us all. I do believe Carole has never been this distracted - during the last couple of weeks her eyes have frequently been as glazed as a sugar topped Dunkin Donut

I'm really hungry now for some reason.

Luca will be glad to see the return of an un-stressed Mum, although he'll doubtless miss the many opportunities he's had of late to take the proverbial out of her. He's a bit too smart sometimes.

Tonight we'll celebrate in the same way all parents of young children do - with a DVD and takeaway Chinese. Par-tay as they say.

Also today I dropped my car off at the auction site in Thainstone. It go's under the hammer at teatime and I'll find out how many buttons I've gained when I call them tomorrow. As Carole doesn't want me to be without a car for any period (for purely unselfish reasons natch) I'll be conducting test drives on Saturday morning. Coincidentally the three cars I've whittled my choice down to are from the same dealer - Arnold Clark - so doubtless I'll shortly be the owner of a very little, albeit very shiny, destroyer of the ozone.

As long as the bank pulls their fingers out of their derriere (what's the odds?) and the cash transfer gos through quickly enough I may even be able to make my trip to Dundee that same day in the new motor. Fingers crossed, as I need to get to Stonehaven to meet a friend before we take on the final leg - and touch wood we can meet up with the "old man" down there too. If I'm in a good mood I may even stretch to buying him a pie and bovril.

If I'm in a good mood.

Tonight I plan to reinstall Skype on my PC and - hopefully - talk to Kelly online. I'm planning to get Luca on screen too, but this may be difficult as he's absolutely convinced of the presence of dinosaurs in our loft now, and no amount of persuasion will convince him he's wrong.

Stubborn and single minded. Hmm. Wonder who he inherited that from?

**Useless fact of the day - Skype is computer software that allows phone calls and video images to be shown online, and has been downloaded and utilised by over 200 million households**

Wednesday 7th October 2009

The news about Kelly and Craigs breakup has shocked us all I think. There's little point in my musing over the whys and wherefore's, I just hope they're both OK.

Bad news seems to come in three's. Alongside Granda's deterioration and Kelly and Craigs split I also found out last night that one of the girls at Luca's nursery - Heather, one of his favourites - has been diagnosed with lymphatic cancer. As such, she's been signed off (her internal defences are gone, and consequently she can't be around the nursery). She's now due to undergo chemotherapy.

Heather is in her early 20's.

I received this news from one of the other girls after - as always - arriving at the nursery to pick up Luca literally minutes before they were due to close. Luca had greeted me with an American Football-esque welcome. He spotted me from the other side of the nursery as I walked in and sprinted across to me at full pace screaming "That's my Daddy!". Unfortunately he isn't yet aware or his ever increasing bulk, and as such hasn't yet learned to put the brakes on. I was knocked back a couple of feet as I hoisted the human bowling ball from the ground.

"We go to shops now" he instructed me as we got into the car. "Luca wants a coconut bar". The whine when I ignored the request and drove into our street was comparable to the three minute warning.

Although the aftermath of the three minute warning probably isn't quite as severe as a Luca tantrum.....

On other matters, after a matter of months battling my Audi's desire not to conform (ie go forwards and backwards when I ask it) I've admitted defeat and am selling her.

Yes, her, I named her Bella.

She's going into auction tomorrow, and will be replaced with a more "sensible" option. We've upped the budget now, and in it's place I'm buying a smaller and newer car. Which model yet hasn't been decided (although there are two contenders we've already identified) but if anyone has a suggestion for a reliable small car with a reasonable sized hatch then please call.

Your call will be charged at local rates and calls from mobiles may vary according to your provider. Text messages will be charged at £1 plus your standard rate.

Sorry, just my mini rant at televisions continuing fleecing of the masses with these outrageous and endless phone ins. Carole batters me when we watch TV as I switch the telly off every time one of the phone in competitions appears on screen. I know, I am Victor Meldrew.

What else? I'm out on Friday night for a works quiz night - my competitive edge will likely kick in again, I do rule (in the drunk frat boy "I rule" context) pub quizzes. I am the font of absurdly useless information. And on Saturday I'm off to Dundee to watch the mighty Partick Thistle (Scottish First Division League Leaders I'll have you know).

More importantly however, Carole has her interview tomorrow. She's been as stressed as Eric for the last week (too obscure a reference?) but I know she'll get it. Convincing Carole she's the best person for the job is a different matter though. Hopefully the mock interview we do tonight will allay her fears.

Just one last Luca story to regale/bore you with (dependant on your mood). A new boy started at his nursery yesterday, and as with most toddlers on their first day he was extremely upset when his Mum left him there. However, Luca apparently took charge of the situation and approached the sobbing youngster. "It's OK" he drawled as he put his arm round his shoulder, "Your Mummy will come back to get you later". He then led him into the corner where the clothes box is kept. "Sit down now, Luca will take your shoes off"

And he did. When did my wee man grow up?

**Useless fact of the day - A quahog (a type of deep sea clam) can live up to 220 years of age**

Sunday 4th October 2009

A quiet weekend has just passed, with nary much to report. Much of the latter half of Saturday was spent on the sofa watching TV, eating too much chocolate and fending off the ever more painful bounces onto your stomach (without warning) from a certain L.M. Stewart. Earlier had encompassed the very usual Saturday routine with Carole attending her usual fitness class while Luca and I investigated Aberdeen's city centre whilst (without shame, natch) singing "The Wheels On The Bus" with our vocal Marshall amps ramped up to eleven.



Sunday was a little busier however. The day started late for me after sleeping in until 1130am (!). Naturally Carole was highly impressed with this, and even Luca wagged his finger at me as he attempted to wake me from my endless slumber. Unfortunately I was due in work for an urgent customs entry, and with time tight I had to load Luca into the car with me for only his second ever visit to my workplace. Did he enjoy it? See pictures and synopses below:-




"Sorry Daddy, was this your sandwich?"




"Luca's going to spill his greasy crisps all over Daddy's works expensive leather sofa"



"Luca's a luminous tiger!"

"Don't you have one in my size Dad?"

"It's not Daddy's desk, it's Luca's desk!"

"Stop working and look at me!"

"It's time to go home now, I don't want to have to tell you again"

"I said I didn't want to have to tell you again!"

We did a bit of shopping on the way home, and by the time we arrived back at the house Luca was absolutely exhausted. Amazing how much energy he used up sitting in my office seat eating crisps......

He's actually started to put a little weight on of late. A good thing certainly, as earlier this year he didn't have an ounce of spare fat on him (he had a better six pack than me....) but alternately he is becoming quite lazy now. He eats quite a lot, demands to be carried and loves slouching on the sofa in front of the television. Bone idle before he's even 3? He's definitely my boy!

Felt strange reading Dad's latest blog. My musings on Granda's situation probably aren't best expressed in this medium so I won't go into detail here. Suffice to say my thoughts - likely similar to those of every Stewart - are lodged firmly in the past and the memories therein.

No useless facts tonight