D'oh!

Feeling like an imbecile (or a "tumshie" in Mum and Dad's native parlance) this morning after my efforts to attend the big game (Aberdeen V Rangers) on Saturday. I turned up at the ground a couple of hours before kick off only to be told they couldn't sell me a ticket! It transpires that they're barred by the police from selling match tickets anywhere near kick off time.

So to the police I say thanks very much you intellectually challenged bunch of killjoys and to myself I say - you plonker Rodney!

Still, at least the game was being shown live on TV so at least I was able to watch the memorable victory - although disappointingly Lincoln City's first live game (in history?) on the other channel had to be spurned.

Carole and Liz appeared to greatly enjoy my moment of stupidity, although gladly they took refuge in the kitchen as I proceeded to inanely shout and swear at the television screen.

Yes, Liz is here now. She arrived on schedule on Friday and has since enjoyed the last couple of days arguing with her grandson. Arguing is the new way of conversing with the young 'un as he attempts to establish his pecking order in the house.
"Luca, have a wee wee on the potty"
"No, Luca not need"
"Luca, you haven't had a wee wee all day - you'll wet your trousers"
"No, Luca watch the telly"
"Luca, if you go for a wee wee we'll give you a sweety"
"Look Mummy, Luca's doing a wee wee!"

I cooked us tea on Saturday night, a type of curry I hadn't previously attempted. Carole cleared her plate in seconds and loved it. Liz and I though? With our, errrm, difficulties with hot foods?

Poor Liz, out of sheer politeness I think, braved her way through the entire dish constantly reassuring me of it's deliciousness while simultaneously looking like her head might explode.

We'd all recovered from the hot food/wine on Sunday morning in time to visit the Thainstone Mart - albeit briefly due to the sub-arctic winds that accompanied our visit. Luca, of course, did his best to get lost.

In the afternoon poor Grandma was left in sole charge of devil boy while Carole and I went out for the afternoon together. We first went to the new (and only) Nando's restaurant (which was a bit ordinary to be honest) and followed it up with a trip to the new 3D cinema to see "Up". Terrific film, but I was left a little bemused as to how much benefit 3D added to the enjoyment.

Great film though - catch it if you can.

Today? Carole and I are back to work and Luca's back to nursery - and poor Grandma is taking a breather from the chaos while she can. It'll all begin again in earnest come teatime tonight.....

One final word on Luca. I got a lovely greeting from him this morning. I went in to wake him while breezily calling out "Good morning". He lifted his head and stared quietly at me for several seconds before muttering "Go and get Grandma"

**Useless fact of the day - The name "morning" was formed from the analogy of evening using the word morn, which comes from middle English "morwen"**

I'm getting old

My legs are sore. Indeed most of my muscles are now very cross with me after last night.

As an alternative to the usual routine of stretching out on the sofa and eating jam sandwiches while watching whichever diabolical horror movie is most current I instead made a rare pilgrimmage to the great oudoors.

Or not so great. I was playing football in Aberdeen last night, and as I arrived through a great deal earlier than I anticipated I decided - in my wisdom - that I could squeeze in a gym session too.

My mid-thirties body, resplendant with it's devastatingly dwindling fitness level, rather objected however. After an hour in the gym, followed by another hour running up and down a football pitch against players fitter and more talented than myself my muscles tweaked and pinched me with gusto, as if to say "You plonker Rodney"

My evening of frivolity, allied to that of Caroles usual fitness class, meant that we had to play "Pass the Parcel" with our son again. Thankfully his Grandad was obliging and picked the wee man up from nursery and took him home with him to Banchory. All very nice for him (he loves his Grandparents), but it resulted in a late night for our shaggy headed lad. He was still fast asleep even as I left the house for work this morning.

Referring to his shaggy head, see the accompanying poll to this blog and let me know your opinion - Carole and I are as yet undecided.

Liz is coming up to stay again on Friday, so Carole and I are desperately making our way through our built up collection of horror films before she arrives - funnily Liz doesn't share our enthusiasm for watching eyes ripped from their sockets and intestines used as skipping ropes.

Going back to Luca (plus ca change), his interest in music has reached a new juncture. Although still mainly interested in his nursery rhymes he also recognises and enjoys specific pop and rock. Lady Gaga (american dance pop star) and The XX (obscure electro-indie) are perversely and diversely his favourites.

I am careful, however, about limiting his musical exposure. Indeed to this day I can't listen to "Yellow Submarine" by the Beatles without being reminded of car journeys sat in the back seat feeling car sick as Lucy pokes me in the ribs growling "your bottoms on my bit of the seat" while Kelly twiddles my ear to submission.

Are we there yet?

**Useless fact of the day - The first cars did not have steering wheels, they were steered with a lever**

The Day After The Night Before

Blog ahoy. My second in two days, and still it pales into comparison with the rest of the family - even Lucy is blogging regularly! What next? Aliens on earth in khaki trousers?

I'm particularly enjoying Kelly's blogs right now. Obviously she has much to report - she's living in Australia now for fricks sake - but it's the overall tone of her entries that's fascinated me. Is it just me or does she seem rather content?

I'll let her off with living 10,467.22 miles away from here (to be precise) as long as she's happy. And as long as she stops telling us how hot it is while we (metaphorically and literally) drown across here.

In fact Carole and I risked pneumonia last night as we dashed from the car to the restaurant (Poldino's). It was tipping down again - quelle surprise - but thankfully the quality of our meals made us forget about our soggy toes. We both had bruschetta for starters and Carole had sole for main while I plumped for the veal. All delicious, and made me glad I'd changed our restaurant reservation at the last minute.

I took her to the Theatre afterwards to see "Chicago". She loved it despite the seats not being as great as I'd imagined allied to the sahara-esque temperature that had formed by the shows interval.

Carole was playing with all her presents when we got home last night - thanks again to everybody for the gifts, cards and best wishes. She's really grateful.

I do think, however, that I may not see her again for another 6 months while she shoots zombies on her laptop whilst simultaneously getting drunk on a variety of alcoholic concoctions made with her new cocktail maker.

I'm collecting Luca from his grandparents tonight - thanks Mum and Dad for withstanding an overnight Luca barrage - and hopefully he'll be plum tuckered out by the time we roll up home.

As Luca said on Wednesday as we pulled away from his the house in Banchory "I like Granny Jo and Granda - they're my friends"

**Useless fact of the day - It will come as no surprise that 'tuckered out' is an American phrase. No 'B-feature' western from the 1930s and 1940s was complete without Gabby Hayes being 'plumb tuckered out'. Hayes' contribution to the genre was celebrated by Mel Brooks in the 1974 film Blazing Saddles. In that, a look-alike actor played the part of Gabby Johnson, spouting 'authentic frontier gibberish' - "dad gum it, I am gonna die here an' no sidewindin bushwackin, hornswaglin, cracker croaker is gonna rouin me biscuit cutter"**

Caroles Birthday

I know I'm pointing out the bleedingly obvious (to the UK contingent of our readership at least) but today is Caroles birthday.

Happy birthday sugar!

The day has only just started (it's narey 10am as I write) so I can't descriptively mention what we're doing tonight (more on that tomorrow) but I have at least presented her with her cards and gifts - of which there were many.

I won't thank everyone for their generosity (mainly due to the time we unwrapped the gifts being earlier than the hour at which my brain wakes up for the day) but will instead concentrate on the present Mum, Dad and I clubbed together for - a new laptop.

I think it was popular......

I'll describe the other gifts and card she received tomorrow. Although my brain wasn't functioning as she opened them (it was still dark outside for gawds sake) I do vaguely recall much smiling so I'm guessing there was much appreciation there.

Before I go further I must apologise for the gap between blogs. I've been on a course for work (Dangerous Goods - oooh the excitement) these past few days which has been pretty intensive. Surprisingly I passed well though. Surprising as most of my contemporaries failed. I can now tell you whether Ethyl Nitrate (UN1257, PGII) can be shipped with Componium (UN5252, PGI) by air to Turkmenistan in Excepted Quantities. Handy eh? More utterly useless information to further clog up up my ever depleting memory.

As usual my memory doesn't serve me well when attempting to recall events more than a few days ago (It's like my brain cells are dolphins and my cranium is being attacked by Japanese fishermen) but I will try. Luca and I went to the cinema again on Sunday. Already his memory exceeds that of his father. "Come on Luca, get in the car - we're going to the cinema" "The cinema Daddy? We eat chocolate again at the cinema?"

He is obsessed with chocolate and can sense it even from a distance of 15 miles....

It was rotten this time though. Our first trip a fortnight ago featured a relatively watchable movie "Ice Age III". However, the featured film at this weeks kids club was "The Legend of Desperaux". Yep, I've never heard of it either. It was a computer animated cartoon featuring a mouse who had to save a Princess. Are you yawning yet? Imagine having to actually sit through that. Even Luca eventually lost interest around 15 minutes from the end. "We go home now Daddy" he proclaimed with chocolate round his mouth and jelly sweeties hanging out his nose.

We made time to visit a few shops before we traipsed home however. He's fascinated by the hustle and bustle of the city but it does mentally and physically wear him out extremely quickly. Indeed, when we eventually arrived home he didn't even have the strength to walk up the steps himself - he came in hoisted over my shoulder like a bag of potatoes.

Do you remember the days when I posted photo's on the blog? Those days will return. Tomorrow. Maybe.

**Useless fact of the day - Technically the most corrosive substance on earth is water. Go figure**

Friday 13th November

Should I enter a blog today, or with it being Friday the 13th should I just hide under the bed and wait for it to pass without incident like normal people do?

Hiding under the bed isn't the most practical solution, but considering my luck lately with flu bugs, work, cars and stroppy sons perhaps I should pay more heed to superstition......

Yeah I'm exaggerating.

Kellys back! Figuritively speaking of course, as physically she still resides approximately 10500 miles away. However, I'm delighted to see her new blog started. Kellys adventures indeed.

A list of what I expect in Kelly's blog over the coming weeks:-
Picture of a kangaroo with boxing gloves on
Traditional Aussie recipes
Confirmation that she will come home to visit sometime...

All else seems rather mundane compared to Kelly's expedition and gradual realisation that she's going to have to learn to swear like an Aussie if she is to fit in, but here go's....

My bug seems to have reached it's zenith, with various fluids of all the colours of the rainbow now escaping from my nose. That's a good thing right? I'm either healing or dying and tempted as I am to don my usual pessimists hat I will instead throw myself in front of the truck of logic and accept I'm getting better.

Which is just as well as the weekend approaches. Karen is coming round for dinner tonight so it's probably a good thing that I'm now unlikely to infect her. Caroles cooking, and she did tell me what but due to my flu-ey brain I can't recall.

On Saturday I'm off to Dunfermline to watch Partick Thistle play. I fully expect a mightily impressive performance from the Jags followed by the wearying constant that we'll likely get beat again.

Luca? He and I haven't really seen eye to eye this week. I am persona non grata right now (Mummy is flavour of the month) and as such have few stories to tell. "No like these beanies Daddy, take them away" and "Noooooooooooooo" seem to be the only words I've been able to extract from him of late.

And I'm sure you're all remembering that Caroles birthday is only a week away now....

**Useless fact of the day - 2008 movie "The Dark Knight" is listed on IMDB (the most reputable film site) as the 9th greatest film of all time ahead of "Goodfellas", "Psycho" et al. But how much time should pass between release and elevation into greatness?**

Wednesday 11th November 2009

No more photo's of me in the pub today I'm certain you'll be glad to hear. Though less well received is the fact I also have no pictures of Luca either. I imagine you may now struggling to recall what your grandson/nephew/cousin even looks like now.

I can remember though - he resembles the devil incarnate. I'm a little under the weather this week (a touch of man flu) so appreciate the love and tenderness shown by my family. Or not in Luca's case.

Demon boy completely failed to even register my presence the other day. I came home on Monday night to the usual sight of his Mum attempting to convince the mop haired one to eat his tea ("No like it, want nana and ice cream"). I came in and sat down beside them at the kitchen table. "Hello Mummy" I said. "Hello Daddy" Carole smiled back. "Hello Luca" I continued as I turned toward him. He continued to eat his beans. "Luca?" I said louder. Beans continued to be shovelled into his mouth as his eyes steadfastly kept their gaze on his plate. "Luca!!" I shouted as his eyes darkened as he continued to refuse to even acknowledge me.

I took this as a sign that I should just go out and put the spare wheel on my car.

Oh yes, I didn't mention that. I drove over another nail and punctured my tyre. Again. Nails and any car I drive seem to peculiarly be drawn toward each another. Like Romeo and Juliet with an ending of similar happiness.

Yesterday was a little better though. It was my turn to collect Luca from nursery so after pleasingly being greeted in the usual manner ("That's my Daddy, that's my Daddy, that's my Daddy") we picked up his coat and prepared to leave. However, Luca noticed a 20p piece on the floor. "Money" he correctly stated "Chocolate coin?" he continued with a little less accuracy. "No, just a normal one I'm afraid boy" I answered.

"We go buy chocolate at the shop with the money?" Luca asked with hopefulness in his eyes. How can you say no? We made our way to the shop with Luca gripping the 20p with all his strength. "Open the chocolate" he begged the shop assistant as she scanned his "Fudge" bar through. "There you go" she replied as she handed the bar to him. I carried him back to the car while he salivated like a wild animal in a zoo at feeding time.

**Useless fact of the day - Chocolate brings instant comfort and acts as a mild anti-depressant by increasing our serotonin and endorphin levels**

Monday 9th November 2009

With blogs now being entered as often as Gordon Brown spells fallen soldiers names correctly (too topical?) then I imagine you're a little surprised to see todays photograph NOT feature a certain shaggy headed toddler. We had a works quiz night recently and above is the picture taken of the rabble at our table. Everyone looks relatively upright in this picture so I imagine it was taken relatively early in the evening. Heres a little game for you to play - which individual in this photograph was so drunk by the end of the night they fell down the steps on their way out and broke two ribs?

I'm just back to work today after taking Friday off - my second day off of last week. As always I find myself with innumerable holidays still to take as the year end rapidly approaches. Not a terrible situation to be in granted!

It's been a relatively quiet time since my last post, with the usual toddler and dog related incidents to keep us on our toes. Luca's nightmares have increased again of late, with the latest resulting in terrified screams emanating from his bedroom. Due to this I went flying through to find him curled in a ball in the top corner of his bed. "What is it?" I asked breathlessly while simultaneously scanning his room for anything (or anyone) untoward. "It's Mr Froggy" he blubbed, "Mr Froggy is scratching my toes!". How do you respond to that? After taking his bed apart to prove that there was no "Mr Froggy" hiding within I eventually settled him back down.

I adore the fact he continues to give us so much ammunition to humilate him with when he brings home his first girlfriend.

That said, I'm not sure that day is far off - he and Sky (who have been best buddies since he started at nursery) are very close and seem to hug each other with great regularity. Indeed, she's about the only one he doesn't beat up right now!

I exaggerate of course, but he seems to have been a little overly physical of late whilst at nursery. Obviously we're hoping this is just a phase, but if it's not we'll simply train him up to become a boxing world heavyweight champion. See, I can think laterally!

We unfortunately missed the firework display on Saturday due to time constrictions. I was in the city earlier in the day to watch Aberdeen win (a rarity these days) with Dad (again a rarity these days), and with the fact we were having dinner with friends in the evening left it to be an impractibility. Still, Luca and I watched the fireworks in the distance from our living room window as his Mum cooked (a tasty Thai curry). "Ooooohhh" was his reaction as the sky exploded.

Sima's reaction was naturally different. As every bang sounded she scurried ever further into her safe spot behind the kitchen bin. Poor pup.

On Sunday, as Carole rested her hungover body, Luca and I drove through to Aberdeen to visit the brand new shopping centre, "Union Square" (for Kelly and Lucy's benefit it's a massive complex situated between the train and bus station). Our main duty was to exchange a pair of boots Carole had purchased the previous week, but due to the (highly surprisingly) early hour we arrived the shop hadn't even opened. Luca was nonplussed with this as he sprinted around the almost empty centre with his signature call of "follow me" echoing round every bend.

Obviously his stamina does have limits though (as does mine) so when I noticed the cinema was open I took us in for a look. Highly coincidentally a special kids showing of "Ice Age 3" had just started so after stocking up with a pick'n'mix Luca and I ventured into Screen 8 for his very first movie at the cinema.

Yep, he loved it. He sat on my knee throughout munching his chocolate as the huge images on screen flashed above him. He kept quiet and still throughout, with his silence only interrupted by his occasional call of "Bad dinosaur!". He did bump his head on my chin at one point too when a dinosaur burst onto the screen causing his first cinema scare.

Later that day he got a chance to visit his grandparents too - albeit briefly due to tiredness causing (what is now commonly known) as his "meltdown"

**Useless fact of the day - The heaviest dinosaur was Brachiosaurus at 80 tonnes. It was the equivalent to 17 African Elephants. Brachiosaurus was 16m tall and 26m long and is the largest dinosaur skeleton to be mounted in a museum.**