It'll be lonely this Christmas

I'm a little bored.

Carole is out tonight on her "gym girls" Christmas night out. Dressed as a "Sexy Santa". In temperatures of minus 9 degree's.

Me? I'm home alone. Luca went to bed almost as soon as we arrived home from dropping Carole off, and with this the creation of the situation where I find myself with no-one to speak to. Because I'm so lonely I actually shared the giant sausage roll I'd heated up for my dinner with the dogs, just so I'd gain a little attention from some fellow living beings, even just briefly

They ignored me again after the cupboard love ended

I've amused myself by making strawberry and banana ice cream using the new ice cream maker we bought from John Lewis. In common with the rest of the evening it was highly disappointing

I still ate it though. That's how bored I am.

I should start talking about Luca........but there's not much to say. Due to work, football and the weather I didn't see him between Tuesday morning and Friday night. However, he has clearly gained a sense of "humour" during this period.

We were driving home from Aberdeen this evening, when after a (rare) period of quiet contemplation, he barked out "Daddy, where's your hair?". "Excuse me?" I replied. "You never have any hair Dad. I do though, I have lots of hair. You don't, na na na na na na"

He then proceeded to roll his head in laughter.

I'm now on holiday for a week. Expect the next post to be of a more positive variety. In the interim please enjoy this video of Luca running. Not much happens, he just runs. And it's two months old too. Sorry. Bad blog. Must do better

**Useless fact of the day - Luca didn't have a poo between Tuesday and today. Coincidentally the same period during which he didn't see me. He must have missed me so much it made him constipated. Please don't correct me**

Stevie Wonder sings it best

I'm afraid I'll need to direct you to my "Facebook" page if you wish to view any pictures tonight - the photo upload facility is, in technical parlance, "knackered"

You're not missing much however. I don't have any images of Luca "The Scar" Stewart. His chickenpox has cleared, but for those of you with long memories (not you Mum) you'll recall the affliction from your youth, and the bright red scabs that adorn your body for weeks (nay months) afterwards

Indeed, have a little look at yourself as you get undressed for bed tonight - most of us have at least one small and forgotten scar as a reminder of not listening to our Mums as children. "Stop picking!"

Carole celebrated her birthday on Friday, and a landmark one is was too. It was her 21st! OK, her second 21st - does that still count?

With her birthday falling on a weekday we kept the initial celebrations muted. I cooked a three course meal (OK, I bought the latter two courses from M&S) before cuddling up on the sofa with a movie and a bottle of sparkling wine. The wine must have done it's trick, as Carole fell asleep barely ten minutes into the film, only waking at the end credits to enquire "Was it good?"

Thankfully she was a little more alert the following day. After dropping Luca at his Grandparents ("I'm going to be a tiger and fight Granda!") I took Carole to Huntly for an afternoon of horse riding. She loved it of course, even more so for the additional fact the farm owners owned an almost uncountable number of German Shepherd dogs.

Once the "I want a new Abby" look passed from her eyes, we both climbed atop our respective steeds (Carole gracefully, me rather less so) and took off through the endless acres of forest walks and fields. Caroles horse was gorgeous, with a dual coloured mane and blue eyes, while mine was just big and extremely fast. When booking the trek, I'd rather stretched the truth as to my actual riding abilities, and had convinced the farm owners I was an "experienced" rider.

"Experienced my ar*e" they must have thought, as my horse set innumerable land speed records while I gripped on for dear life, desperately trying to remember if I ever signed that will.

Thankfully, our meal that evening was a little more sedate. I took Carole to "Malmaison" in Aberdeen. It was a beautifully set establishment with an imaginative array of dishes. However, although the food was good, it did just fall just short of what it's reputation would suggest. And the service was slow - it perplexes me that lazy service seems to be deemed acceptable for this standard of restaurant

Although the slow service didn't stop a steady stream of glasses of wine arriving and being quickly consumed by the birthday girl with the ever chattier mouth but ever wilting eyelids.....

**Useless fact of the day - One of the first horses was called a Hyracotherium. It lived about 50 million years ago and was as tall as a fox. It had toes! This horse changed over millions of years to become a modern horse**

Chickenpox

Luca has chickenpox.

It appeared almost instantly during the night on Thursday. I went in to see him late in the evening, as I'd heard coughing come from his bedroom. However, his cough wasn't troubling him. "Dad", he quietly muttered, "My side hurts".

That's when I discovered the first of his spots, both on his lift hand side. Removal of his jammy top revealed a couple of dozen more.

Now? I couldn't even count them

What else? I had jury duty today,and may be required again later this week. It's an intriguing tale - of which I legally can't divulge further. Sorry

We started spending our wedding vouchers on Saturday. When I say "we" I mean Carole chooses the items, and I carry them.

I've taken up betting too. I put down bets totalling £10 on Saturday, with £5 on an Aberdeen footballing victory (12-1!) and the rest on Audley Harrison to beat David Haye (6-1)

I have a feeling this activity will not make me a rich man.

**Useless fact of the day - Chickenpox is usually a mild disease. However, in adults and children with weakened immune systems, chickenpox can cause serious complications and even death**

Married

I'm married. As unlikely as I was ever to enter into such a partnership. But I am. And I'm happy.

Carole though? I think best summed up by the email she sent me today titled "First baby steps...." which read as thus:-

""I've got a new email address on yahoo - so I'll be phasing out my old
one :-(
carole.stewart0@yahoo.co.uk""

Obviously it was a smiley face she intended rather than a sad one :)

However, our marriage was almost hastily ended only two days after the wedding. We were in the cinema, enjoying "Paranormal Activity 2" when a "clink, clunk" noise was heard. Carole's head swivelled toward mine. "Was that your ring?" she gasped. Sheepishly I nodded. Having never worn any form of jewellery in my lifetime, the presence of a ring on my finger has caused continual fiddling with said object, and a little too much of this caused the ring to spin off my finger into the inky pitch blackness of the cinema's floor

I found it. My heart, having taken residence in my mouth during my desperate search, gradually lowered

I hope everyone enjoyed the wedding. We did, and what I said in my speech wasn't simply insincere platitudes - I (we) are so grateful for everyone's help throughout. Particularly to our parents and siblings, we honestly, seriously, couldn't have done this without you

I'm disappointed no-one caught Luca's exclamation of "Mummy's a princess" during the vows however. Indeed, the only time Luca was caught on video was during his now infamous heckle during my speech. "Clouds" indeed......

As a final aside for Mum's benefit, I unconsciously muttered a favoured phrase of Granda Bill's as Luca and I drove to nursery recently. "We're off like a flash but we ain't got no cash". "That's funny" he immediately squealed hysterically, "Do it again". I did, and his head rolled with laughter. Now consciously remembering further, I regaled Luca with Granda's infamous "Beep beep galooga galooga". He wailed with laughter. "That's what your great Granda used to say" I told him. "He's a very funny man, isn't he Daddy?"

He was indeed.

I'll post more later, but in the interim see below for a selection of honeymoon pictures from Ireland:-

Outside the famous Killarney Cathedral. Notice the tea cosy Carole had stolen from a local cafe

Carole excitedly clambering astride her white steed. The guy assisting remarkably resembles Charlie from "Eastenders"

My horse. Or cart horse. This is a picture taken before the ride. It would have differed slightly after the ride, what with the leg shaped marks I left in it's side as I desperately held on for dear life. As we cantered through fields, forests and puddles both Carole and the instructor continuously turned round to make sure I was OK. On every occasion I flashed a confident smile, before replacing it with the more familiar look of sheer terror every time they turned away.

**Useless fact of the day - The population of Killarney as at Census 2002 was 12,087**