Lake District 2013

The "staycation" - another example of the modern bastardisation of the Ye Olde English Dictionary, or a current phenomenon precipitated by the Tory governments short sighted view of how to handle the economic downturn?

My bias being obvious and incidental, but for anyone unfamiliar with the term a "staycation" is a summer vacation taken within the confines of our shores, avoiding the costs involved in a foreign vacation.

And this is my long winded way of introducing today's entry, where Luca and I spent the first week of his school holidays 300 miles from home in Carnforth, in the Lake District - an enormously gratefully received few days of Granda Ian's timeshare.

So here goes with the rundown of our activities over the past few days. If you don't like pictures of Luca gurning then the following will be an early purgatory for you.




The above is from our arrival at Pine Lake Resort on Monday afternoon. An agonising drive down, Luca afflicted belated and endless revenge on me on behalf of my parents. "Are we there yet? How many minutes now Dad?". I forgot to pack the horse tranquilliser for the journey.





Lakeside, around 50 yards from our apartments door. No pithy remarks here, just a photo I'm already rather fond of.




In the town of Carnforth now, beside a lakeside pub. Luca adored the ducks. The cold beer was my love of the day.




I have to remember to not take photos of Luca with inappropriate tooth rotting fizzy drinks in camera shot. It rather negates my rather pompous stance when berating others for such sins.




Back on site now, we visited the tennis courts twice daily. No matter where else our travels took us, Luca loved to start and end the day under arming the ball back and forth. He's not bad either. Still Andy Murray circa 2006 rather than resembling the rather more imposing 2013 version, but he hits the ball sweetly and could be very capable if he actually listens.

Yeah, I know, Gary's complaining about his son not listening. What goes around comes around, you reap what you sow, pots and kettles, etc, etc, bloody etc.




Crazy Golf now, which became Luca's favourite activity. "Why do I have to pick your ball out the hole Dad?"
"Because I'm old and sore Son"
"You're not old Dad, you're only 38"
"Thanks Son"
"You'll be old when you're 50 though"




At a local mini zoo/nature reserve. Yes, that's an ancient human skull he's handling. This is the boy who squeals if he gets jam on his fingers.




Who does he look like here? It's annoying me. That facial expression resembles someone famous, but I just can't place it. John Belushi? Murdoch from The A Team?




It is Murdoch isn't it?




Thankfully not the kind who fling their poo at you.




Taken in Lancaster, I thought this noteworthy. Isn't the casual use of the morning after pill supposed to be frowned upon?




Yeah, I have more stamina than my 6 year old. I'm unsure as to whether this is a credible boast.




Now, do one pull up. Just one.




Morecambe beach. Not pictured is the endless procession of morbidly obese citizens grimly trundling past in their motorised wheelchairs, all excitedly eyeing up the 367 ice cream and donut stands along the half mile long promenade. Easily the most frighteningly fat town I've ever visited. And I drove through Hull once.




This was as far as he was willing to be buried. Luca is many things, but "adventurous" is an adjective he's certainly can't be associated with. Or is it a noun? Or a verb? I wish I knew. You stop learning about these things at 15, and aren't re-introduced to them until you're 92, infirm and destined to live out your days eagerly awaiting the afternoon session of "Countdown" on Channel 4.




Broccoli. It's awful. Yet I cooked some for our dinner on our last night at Pine Lake. I don't know why, as it meant I had to eat some too. I even told him it tastes of decaying toe nails, yet he still ate it. Is this good parenting or not?

And finally, the photo's from Sundays Half Marathon are now online. Here's one of me casually, and seemingly easily, cruising along:- http://stoneyhm.webnode.com/photos/a2013/photogallerycbm_708941/60/#img-8628-jpg

I didn't look like this on mile 13. Really. Constipated werewolf.

**Useless fact of the day - China produces 8 million tons of broccoli every year**

Lucas's first lost tooth

In the year of his seventh birthday, the inevitable finally happened. The fruit of our loins became a gap toothed urchin.




You dig the excitement on that face?

£1 was deposited under his pillow last night, assumedly from a supernaturally fairy-esque source. Rather akin to a dolphin, Luca kept one eye open for much of the night in anticipation of the Tooth Fairy's arrival.

I'm not, however, suggesting dolphins sleep with one eye open in order to catch a glimpse of the Tooth Fairy. That would be an incorrect statement and therefore has no place here, on this unmonitored and unsubstantiated Internet blog page.

It was Luca's last day at school on Friday, and the onset of the (excruciatingly long) summer holidays are now upon us. What do you do with a hyperactive 6 year old for two months? I've taken "first shift" and have booked next week off work to look after him.

Works going well incidentally. I thought you'd like to know. Frighteningly off topic granted, but fully in keeping with this blogs lack of structure over the years.

Continuing with the off topic momentum (albeit related), I calculate this blog to have been in existence for two thirds of a decade now. In an online world socially ruled by Facebook and Twitter, how much longer will the medium you're currently reading continue to remain relevant? Indeed is it even relevant now?

To return to the original point, Luca's Granda has very kindly provided an outlet for our tiny terrors first week exertions. He's booked one of his timeshare options for us to cover Monday through Wednesday in the Lake District. If he can now perfect the transporter beam popularised within the wobbly walls of Star Trek in order to avoid what will doubtless be a painfully chatty 7 hour car ride South I'd be rather grateful.

"I spy with my little eye something beginning with......"

Seasoned Calamari and Prawn Salad. Two dishes Carole and I took into the cinema with us on Friday. To explain, it was my birthday on Friday, so Carole took her not-so-young toy boy to the movies. Having not had a chance to eat beforehand, we instead purchased the aforementioned items from a local M&S and brought them in with us. Has such foodstuff ever seen the inside of a movie theatre? I personally thought the subtle vinaigrette essence of the calamari complimented the eye watering body odour of the chap sat two seats away.

The film was good though. It had zombies.

With the summer upon us, Luca's football is taking a sojourn also. Ill timed, as his addiction for the game has reached fever pitch. He just wants to play all the time. Even after a long and sweaty training session yesterday with Colony Park, Luca's first words to me when I collected him were "Can we go and play football together?"

He's going to be so much better than me.

Two goals this weekend too.

Finally, and insisted upon by Carole, I've deferred creation of the separate "running blog". However, I'll keep this brief as, well, I'm not really the interesting one. My first Half Marathon event was this morning, the infamously hilly Stonehaven race. Due to injury my training preparation was poor, but I'm happy with a finish time of one and three quarter hours. I coasted comfortably for the first 8 miles, but the final 5 or so were a lesson in endurance and will - I simply had nothing in the tank.

"Fail to prepare, prepare to fail". A cliche that swam endlessly round my head during the races latter miles. I told you I wasn't the interesting one.

**Useless fact of the day - Dolphins sleep with one eye open as half their brain is always alert, in order to surface for air and avoid sharks**