Luca the actor (Dec 17th 2010)

Luca was infected by the acting bug on Tuesday, as he and his nursery cohorts performed a Christmas nativity play for us. Here he is below, in full shepherds costume (sans hat)

Can you spot him in the picture below too? Where's Wally indeed

It was an interesting experience watching him, albeit certainly not an intriguing one. Whisper it, but it was a little boring to be honest, and by the end I'm certain I wasn't the only parent staring at the ceiling and thinking about whether Aberdeen FC should play with two strikers up front, or just one with the wide players pushing forward at will. Oh God, what if I'm wrong and I was the only one there wishing I was elsewhere? I'm a bad Dad.

Aside from this, I've been on holiday again for much of this week - I really need to organise my years allowance a little better next year. Almost as a counter to my previous break, this week I've kept busy mainly with DIY. A scary thought, as my skills at home improvements are probably akin to Dawn French's as a fitness trainer.

However, the house is still standing, which is a good, as well as a little surprising. Carole was even impressed by what I've done in her bathroom, although I know she is highly nervous about "hubster" being home alone with a saw, an electric drill and a lot of spare time.....

That said, the work has come to a crashing halt again. The early part of the week (with DIY, Luca's show, football and Christmas shopping) was hugely busy, but the latter stages of this week have been a lot less productive. I've been infected with a heavy cold, and with this I've essentially slept almost constantly for the past 24 hours. When everything that exits your body is coloured a peculiar hue of luminous yellow then you know you're in trouble.

With this cold, my memory isn't great, so my recollection of many Luca related stories of late is restricted to say the least. However, he has been his normal monkey-esque self. We have our Christmas tree up now, and surrounding it is an (already) plentiful supply of presents. This hasn't gone unnoticed by our "cherub", who constantly asks "Is it Christmas yet?". On Wednesday I popped through to the kitchen to prepare his food, only to be disturbed a noise picked up by my bat-like ears (as a parent your hearing improves by about 500%....). It was the sound of paper tearing. I ran through to the living room to see........

........Do I even need to say? A 3 (nearly 4) year old sitting beside the tree with a clump of Christmas wrapping paper in one hand and the resultant opened present in the other. "It's a DVD" he excitedly relayed to me, a smile plastered across his beaming face

The joys. Finally, "enjoy" the video clip below of Luca in his play. He's the one impatiently swinging the toy sheep around by it's tail, and looking almost as bored as his Dad.....

**Useless fact of the day - The term "Nativity Drama" is used by Wellesz^[1] in his discussion of the troparion hymns in the Christmas liturgy of Byzantine Rite Churches, from Sophronius in the seventh century. Goldstein argues^[2] that the label "drama" is misleading, that the troparia are more akin to an oratorio than a play, and that the form is not a precursor of later more decidedly dramatic form**

Easy like Sunday morning

Why, Mr Stewart, is that a camera in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?

Nope, it's just a camera, and to prove it scroll down through the compendium of pictures I've taken these past couple of days........

"You know I'm going to have a poo in your shoe for this, don't you?"

What happened next? Did Luca:-

A - Happily and politely shake hands and engage the store Santa in conversation?

Or

B - Spin round and run to the safety that is the back of his Dad's knee's?

"Look at me Dad, I'm pulling an effeminate pose!"

Smug

Every time we pass through the train station Luca insists on waiting for a short while. "Grandma's train might get here soon" he always insists

This was great. Taken earlier today, Luca witnessed his first ever traditional Punch 'N' Judy show. It's weird watching as an adult, you don't actually recognise its demonstration of severe domestic violence when you're an innocent minded tot.....

"Fireenginefireenginefireenginefireenginefireengineffireengine!" This was parked up in Inverurie town centre, and the firemen allowed an incredibly excited Luca to climb aboard - and even sound the sirens. We thought he might just self combust with excitement at this point......

That smile didn't leave his face until quite some time after

Balloon toy. In the mind of a child, if you don't know what it is then what do you do? That's right, you put it on your head

Or just hit Daddy with it

Luca's illness of the last week has almost passed now, and although his hunger hasn't yet returned his energy is slowly creeping back. He's survived (to a moderate extent anyway) a busy weekend, with a discernible decrease in the number of "wig-outs"

Of course some still remain. We made a trip to Aberdeen yesterday in an attempt to purchase new shoes and boots for him (to complain about). As our trip coincided with his Granny and Granda's visit to the cinema (to view the wholly unappealing "The Girl Who Kicked The Hornets Nest") we arranged to meet up for a drink and a bite. All the way there Luca excitedly told me how he was going to "Cuddle Granny Jo and tickle Granda Ian". But did he?

Nope. He cuddled into me throughout like a neglected 3 month old and whined. At least Granda knew how to rouse him slightly. "What's that?" Granda queried, pointing to an item near the cafe's checkout. "Is that chocolate?" a suddenly re-energised voice replied, "For me............."

Today was busier still. Another trip to Aberdeen ensued, this time with the accompaniment of our resident Mum/Wife. A busy morning in the North East's capital city centre included:-

1. Shoe shopping for Luca - Or "run at full pace around the store in odd shoes" as Luca seemed to think

2. Cinema - We saw "Shrek Forever After". Whisper it, but it was actually really good.......

3. Remote control car racing - A demonstration track had been set up inside the Union Square shopping centre. One of the demonstrators made the mistake of allowing Luca to control one of the cars. How much damage can a 4 year old cause in the space of 30 seconds............

4. Punch 'n' Judy show - Or "A guide to domestic violence and petty theft" as it could be renamed. Great fun, but perhaps something that perhaps should have been phased out around the same time as "The Magic Roundabout" and "The Black and White Minstrel Show"..........

5. KFC - Yes, fast food. My stomach will now perform complex gymnastics over the next few days

6. Fire engine - Imagine children on drugs. Even an instance of this still wouldn't adequately describe Luca's excitement levels during this experience

We also somehow shoehorned the entire stockroom of John Lewis into the back of my car. With the number of wedding vouchers so far spent by Carole there, their shareholders will indeed soon enjoy a Very Merry Christmas

**Useless fact of the day - Wikipedia describes Punch from Punch 'n' Judy as a "deformed, child-murdering, wife-beating psychopath who commits appalling act of violence and cruelty upon all those around him and escapes scot-free**

How long, hmm mmm, has this been going on?

Has anyone noticed it's been snowing this week?

I'll try to pay scant mention to it tonight, as I'm certain you've been bored (and have bored others) with constant chatter regarding this white stuff. That arrives every year around the same time

Why are we so obsessed with the weather? Every winter the snow falls and we take a day or two off work. We then spend this downtime staring out the window, while simultaneously shaking our heads and muttering "the snow is really starting to lie now". When not doing this we sit in front of the TV, tutting as the news tells us the same scare stories about empty supermarkets and no petrol

And every year everything is fine.

I haven't personally needed to take a "snow day" this week, as I've been on holiday. But I've had the company of a certain L.M.Stewart for much of it - he's picked up another illness, leaving both him and I housebound.

He's OK, but his stomach's sore, his cheeks boiling, his appetite non existent and his cough is akin to that of an 90 year old life-long Woodbines smoker. It was so extreme on Wednesday that he was kept awake until the early hours - his coughing was so constant he couldn't fall asleep.

But - he's a lot better now. Indeed, he went back to nursery today. As much as I enjoyed being with him, it was good to see him back amongst his friends again.

And it was probably more entertaining for him also. As you know (primarily from this blog), I spend an inordinate amount of time with the shaggy headed little terror. However, it's really been brought home to me this week how much time we spend together outside the house, rather than in our home together.

Cinema, park, football, library, swimming, etc, etc. We'll go anywhere, as long as it's a mini adventure. However, it transpires I'm a rather less effectual Dad within the confines of our home. I simply didn't know what to do with him over such lengths of time stuck within the four walls of our house. Carole has always been more home oriented than I, and also has a great deal more patience. I find it difficult not to tire quickly of the games he likes to play (his puzzles, board games, jigsaws, etc), and this became an area of great chagrin.

Luca, as is his wont, requires your constant companionship when ill. Indeed, even trips to the lavatory cause him a degree of upset. At one point when I was having a shower he walked into the bathroom and sat on top of the down turned toilet seat, patiently waiting for me to finish. "Luca, go through to the living room" I laughed through the sound of the fizzing shower jets. "I can't", came the rather wimpy reply, "I miss you"

The one game I can do is fighting however. Despite his illness (and with it the constant spells of limited energy) he has frequently founds the energy to engage me in our customary play flights. "I'm coming to get you Humungasaur" he'll cry, with his face creased into a faux rage, "Krumpalump will destroy you!"

For the record, he long ago christened me Humungasaur and he as Krumpalump as our battle names.....

I'll enter the proviso swiftly before I move on - Luca knows the only person he is allowed to fight is his Dad, and he admirably keeps to this arrangement.

I should go now, as the time has passed the midnight hour. To finish I hope you enjoy the following video of Luca, taken only a couple of days ago. It's a little unique, as for the first time in the light of day he was able to describe the details of the nightmare he'd endured hours previously. Just watch, and enjoy picking out the bits where he's clearly using a bit of "artistic licence".......

**Useless fact of the day - Luca's favourite TV show "Ben 10" now has it's own travelling roadshow. It's next due in Bristol. It's not coming to Aberdeen :(**

It'll be lonely this Christmas

I'm a little bored.

Carole is out tonight on her "gym girls" Christmas night out. Dressed as a "Sexy Santa". In temperatures of minus 9 degree's.

Me? I'm home alone. Luca went to bed almost as soon as we arrived home from dropping Carole off, and with this the creation of the situation where I find myself with no-one to speak to. Because I'm so lonely I actually shared the giant sausage roll I'd heated up for my dinner with the dogs, just so I'd gain a little attention from some fellow living beings, even just briefly

They ignored me again after the cupboard love ended

I've amused myself by making strawberry and banana ice cream using the new ice cream maker we bought from John Lewis. In common with the rest of the evening it was highly disappointing

I still ate it though. That's how bored I am.

I should start talking about Luca........but there's not much to say. Due to work, football and the weather I didn't see him between Tuesday morning and Friday night. However, he has clearly gained a sense of "humour" during this period.

We were driving home from Aberdeen this evening, when after a (rare) period of quiet contemplation, he barked out "Daddy, where's your hair?". "Excuse me?" I replied. "You never have any hair Dad. I do though, I have lots of hair. You don't, na na na na na na"

He then proceeded to roll his head in laughter.

I'm now on holiday for a week. Expect the next post to be of a more positive variety. In the interim please enjoy this video of Luca running. Not much happens, he just runs. And it's two months old too. Sorry. Bad blog. Must do better

**Useless fact of the day - Luca didn't have a poo between Tuesday and today. Coincidentally the same period during which he didn't see me. He must have missed me so much it made him constipated. Please don't correct me**

Stevie Wonder sings it best

I'm afraid I'll need to direct you to my "Facebook" page if you wish to view any pictures tonight - the photo upload facility is, in technical parlance, "knackered"

You're not missing much however. I don't have any images of Luca "The Scar" Stewart. His chickenpox has cleared, but for those of you with long memories (not you Mum) you'll recall the affliction from your youth, and the bright red scabs that adorn your body for weeks (nay months) afterwards

Indeed, have a little look at yourself as you get undressed for bed tonight - most of us have at least one small and forgotten scar as a reminder of not listening to our Mums as children. "Stop picking!"

Carole celebrated her birthday on Friday, and a landmark one is was too. It was her 21st! OK, her second 21st - does that still count?

With her birthday falling on a weekday we kept the initial celebrations muted. I cooked a three course meal (OK, I bought the latter two courses from M&S) before cuddling up on the sofa with a movie and a bottle of sparkling wine. The wine must have done it's trick, as Carole fell asleep barely ten minutes into the film, only waking at the end credits to enquire "Was it good?"

Thankfully she was a little more alert the following day. After dropping Luca at his Grandparents ("I'm going to be a tiger and fight Granda!") I took Carole to Huntly for an afternoon of horse riding. She loved it of course, even more so for the additional fact the farm owners owned an almost uncountable number of German Shepherd dogs.

Once the "I want a new Abby" look passed from her eyes, we both climbed atop our respective steeds (Carole gracefully, me rather less so) and took off through the endless acres of forest walks and fields. Caroles horse was gorgeous, with a dual coloured mane and blue eyes, while mine was just big and extremely fast. When booking the trek, I'd rather stretched the truth as to my actual riding abilities, and had convinced the farm owners I was an "experienced" rider.

"Experienced my ar*e" they must have thought, as my horse set innumerable land speed records while I gripped on for dear life, desperately trying to remember if I ever signed that will.

Thankfully, our meal that evening was a little more sedate. I took Carole to "Malmaison" in Aberdeen. It was a beautifully set establishment with an imaginative array of dishes. However, although the food was good, it did just fall just short of what it's reputation would suggest. And the service was slow - it perplexes me that lazy service seems to be deemed acceptable for this standard of restaurant

Although the slow service didn't stop a steady stream of glasses of wine arriving and being quickly consumed by the birthday girl with the ever chattier mouth but ever wilting eyelids.....

**Useless fact of the day - One of the first horses was called a Hyracotherium. It lived about 50 million years ago and was as tall as a fox. It had toes! This horse changed over millions of years to become a modern horse**

Chickenpox

Luca has chickenpox.

It appeared almost instantly during the night on Thursday. I went in to see him late in the evening, as I'd heard coughing come from his bedroom. However, his cough wasn't troubling him. "Dad", he quietly muttered, "My side hurts".

That's when I discovered the first of his spots, both on his lift hand side. Removal of his jammy top revealed a couple of dozen more.

Now? I couldn't even count them

What else? I had jury duty today,and may be required again later this week. It's an intriguing tale - of which I legally can't divulge further. Sorry

We started spending our wedding vouchers on Saturday. When I say "we" I mean Carole chooses the items, and I carry them.

I've taken up betting too. I put down bets totalling £10 on Saturday, with £5 on an Aberdeen footballing victory (12-1!) and the rest on Audley Harrison to beat David Haye (6-1)

I have a feeling this activity will not make me a rich man.

**Useless fact of the day - Chickenpox is usually a mild disease. However, in adults and children with weakened immune systems, chickenpox can cause serious complications and even death**

Married

I'm married. As unlikely as I was ever to enter into such a partnership. But I am. And I'm happy.

Carole though? I think best summed up by the email she sent me today titled "First baby steps...." which read as thus:-

""I've got a new email address on yahoo - so I'll be phasing out my old
one :-(
carole.stewart0@yahoo.co.uk""

Obviously it was a smiley face she intended rather than a sad one :)

However, our marriage was almost hastily ended only two days after the wedding. We were in the cinema, enjoying "Paranormal Activity 2" when a "clink, clunk" noise was heard. Carole's head swivelled toward mine. "Was that your ring?" she gasped. Sheepishly I nodded. Having never worn any form of jewellery in my lifetime, the presence of a ring on my finger has caused continual fiddling with said object, and a little too much of this caused the ring to spin off my finger into the inky pitch blackness of the cinema's floor

I found it. My heart, having taken residence in my mouth during my desperate search, gradually lowered

I hope everyone enjoyed the wedding. We did, and what I said in my speech wasn't simply insincere platitudes - I (we) are so grateful for everyone's help throughout. Particularly to our parents and siblings, we honestly, seriously, couldn't have done this without you

I'm disappointed no-one caught Luca's exclamation of "Mummy's a princess" during the vows however. Indeed, the only time Luca was caught on video was during his now infamous heckle during my speech. "Clouds" indeed......

As a final aside for Mum's benefit, I unconsciously muttered a favoured phrase of Granda Bill's as Luca and I drove to nursery recently. "We're off like a flash but we ain't got no cash". "That's funny" he immediately squealed hysterically, "Do it again". I did, and his head rolled with laughter. Now consciously remembering further, I regaled Luca with Granda's infamous "Beep beep galooga galooga". He wailed with laughter. "That's what your great Granda used to say" I told him. "He's a very funny man, isn't he Daddy?"

He was indeed.

I'll post more later, but in the interim see below for a selection of honeymoon pictures from Ireland:-

Outside the famous Killarney Cathedral. Notice the tea cosy Carole had stolen from a local cafe

Carole excitedly clambering astride her white steed. The guy assisting remarkably resembles Charlie from "Eastenders"

My horse. Or cart horse. This is a picture taken before the ride. It would have differed slightly after the ride, what with the leg shaped marks I left in it's side as I desperately held on for dear life. As we cantered through fields, forests and puddles both Carole and the instructor continuously turned round to make sure I was OK. On every occasion I flashed a confident smile, before replacing it with the more familiar look of sheer terror every time they turned away.

**Useless fact of the day - The population of Killarney as at Census 2002 was 12,087**