Is anyone still reading? 30/03/11

As recompense for the long delay between entries of late, I felt it best to begin with a couple of pictures of Luca. Is he still at the "awww" age, or are we starting to think "crikey, he's becoming a big lump"? Let's find out, please vote on the the poll on the right hand side of the page......

Carole and I are escaping our little lumpus for a weekend shortly. In the last weekend of June we're (along with a couple of friends) flying to London for a mini break. Caroles experience of London is surprisingly limited so this is an opportunity to show her the attractions (and detractions) of the UK's capital. Our hotel seems perfectly nice - www.hilton.co.uk/islington - although the intent is not to spend a great deal of time there. With much still to be planned, our itinerary already includes:-

London Eye

Madame Tussauds

Emirates Stadium (Arsenals ground)

Camden Market

Soho (at night.......naturellemant)

Club Koko - NME Tour (indie music gig)

Wimbledon

House of Parliament

If anyone wishes us to deposit any flaming bags of excrement to the latter attraction please let us know. And please be assured they'll be delivered with gusto.

During our London visit we may even bump into Boris Johnson. Can you imagine what a treat it would be to kick the posh, smug, conceited, racist toff endlessly in the cojones? It would make my year :)

Political negativity aside, there's still much to plan for our intentionally cliched touristy-esque visit. And yes, we're flying. Perhaps Carole can knock me out A-Team/BA Baracus style in order to avoid my girlish squeals as the aircraft rattles it's way up the runway.

Most likely Carole will be fit by the time we travel. She's currently under the weather to such a degree that I (as in Mr get-out-of-bed-at-the-last-minute) have been responsible both for the dog walking and Luca duties in the mornings while she snuffles distressingly in bed. The dogs are easy enough, but Luca is a different challenge. It's commonplace for me to forget to put my underpants on before my trousers at 7am, so to have to remember to put the right clothes on the toddler, feed him the right breakfast, give him his tablets and inhaler, brush his teeth and hair, wash his hands and face and make sure he has a stallion-esque wee-wee too is a challenge akin to that faced by the tortoise in his race with the rabbit

Except without the happy ending

Dinner has been a challenge too. Luca has continued to eat well. but Carole and I less so. I've attempted to cook healthily, but I'm certain I don't need to spell out the fallacy of my attempts. I've since learnt that frying isn't healthy, and that you don't empty three quarters of a jar of chilli powder into any dish, no matter how bland I felt it was.

And me? I'm starting to resemble a plate of chips.

So what is wrong with Carole? As you know she was recently diagnosed and treated for tonsillitis. However, she has never recovered and as such I made another appointment for her for today. Interestingly the doctor feels the original diagnosis was incorrect, and it's more likely she has glandular fever. Blood tests are following tomorrow so I'll post another update as soon as the results are in.

Luca has been busy of late too. His football training has continued unabated and his progress has surprised me. He can now dribble the ball, keeping it between his feet at all times. I can't do that! He also caused me much amusement at Sundays session. I'd always thought he was a lefty, but of late he has been using his right foot a great deal more prominently. With this in mind I enquired of him which foot he preferred. "This one!" he declared proudly, kicking his right foot into the air. However, his over-exuberance was his (literal) downfall as his upward motion was too great and physics took over........

He also has a new favourite film. I discovered an old copy of "Transformers The Movie", a cartoon film from my childhood (1985-ish) and so put it on for him, fully expecting a derisory reaction to the rather dated visuals. However, quite the contrary occurred and he's now viewed it on at least 7 or 8 occasions now. I watch it with him, but only for the sake of keeping my son company you understand.

Being on call this past weekend left me trapped locally, so Carole took Luca for a visit to the Macduff Aquarium. He's obsessed with fish and excitedly returned home with a present he'd brought home for Dad, a rubber octopus. "I got a present for you!" he squealed as he ran into the living room on his return, "an octopus for Daddy!". "Thank you Luca" I happily replied, "can I play with my new present?"

I still don't think I've touched it. Indeed, I think Luca is sleeping with it again tonight.

**Useless fact of the day - "Transformers The Movie" featured the vocal talents of the legendary Orson Welles, filming his last ever movie before he died**

Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry

Two weeks since my last blog. TWO WEEKS! What's my excuse this time? Is it due to Liz's latest visit, as this "Luca blog" is ostensibly transmitted primarily for her benefit? I know there are other keen voyeurs of Luca's latest activities, but as there is no "right to reply" section on this blog I will stand as firmly behind this ill thought out argument as belligerently as a Lib Dem MP stands behind their coalition while the Tory's strip this country of it's entire cultural worth.



What's more, today's entry is going to be of the rushed variety. I'm playing football in Aberdeen in an hours time, and still haven't even yet checked to see if the team strips are out the wash. I feel a "Caaarrroooolllleee, help!" moment coming on.



The pictures present are a bit of a mish mash and as always not in any cogent order. The top picture is Luca in the local cafe (what, again?) while the above was taken as he sat beside me in one of my works vans. As previously mentioned, he loves it (front seat!) but the perverse side of me felt it better to upload the only photo taken that day (out of around 20) of an almost dismissive yawn.



At the chemist here, collecting another inhaler for his asthma. A rather pointless exercise of late however, as I've recently been "treated" to a household filled with germs and bugs. Indeed, Carole, Liz and Luca's colds ran concurrently, and the endless stream of coughs emanating from our living room resembled a rather flemmier version of Paul McCartney's "Frog Chorus"




Coincidentally, did you know that "The Frog Chorus" was (I think) the first music single I ever owned? I've always found it rather amusing that most people lie about their first single. No-one ever admits their first single was "Making Your Mind Up" by Bucks Fizz do they?



However, back to Luca. This was taken today after football training. And yes, he's getting far too big for rides of this ilk. I did tell him. But he just looked at me blankly. Rather resembling Barrack Obama's expression every time a journalist asks him why he hasn't yet ordered the assassination of the clearly maniacal Colonel Gadaffi.

Here's the new floor of our bathroom. Luca's chest puffs out any time someone new sees it. "I chose it, I chose it" squeals the munchkin as he desperately points to the flooring.

And here's the new bigger bath. "You and I could fit in that together" I said to my wife with a glint in my eye.

She's still laughing.

**Useless fact of the day - The average person visits the toilet 2500 times a year**

As Bing would say, "It's Been A Long, Long Time"

As my blogs steadily become as infrequent as Luca's visits to the barber, I'm afraid I'm finding it increasing problematic when attempting to recall the events of the previous week or two, particularly those of the more trivial variety of which I'm particularly fond. A simple solution would be to blog more. But then again, would a simple solution to the MP's expenses saga simply be to discontinue the thieving ba***rds right to claim any future expenses? In this life, even the most logical paths often lead to a 50ft high brick wall with an ocean of piranhas on the opposite side.

Above is Luca, in a picture taken a week past Saturday as he, his Mum and I trailed round a retail outlet of the more ceramic variety, in this case "Topps Tiles". Our mission, as accepted, was to locate floor and wall tiles for our upcoming new bathroom. A long overdue job, our upstairs bathroom having always been as welcoming as a fart in an elevator.

Here's the floor tiles above, a slightly surprising but unanimous choice. Who located this particular sample however? Luca! Our 4 year old boy version of Rapunzel found this on one of his many laps around the store (he has become much livelier of late - more of that to follow) and brought it to his parents attention. "Mummy, Daddy, look - it looks like lots of sweeties, I like that....."

Luca's attention span - and patience - wears thin with indelible pace, and due to this (though my Vesuvius-esque rumbling stomach influenced proceedings also....) we left the store shortly after for lunch at a child friendly restaurant near Portlethen. Both he and his Mother looked on in horror as I devoured my rather odd meal of deep fried black pudding in a green sauce. And we think the French are odd for eating horses. (racial stereotype, tick)

This is our kitchen. When? I can't remember. Why is Luca grinning so? I don't know. But would surmise a chocolate based confection played a part in this smile.

I took one of my company's stores vans home with me on Friday night, as with the recent house upgrading of late we've been left with a garden shed packed tighter than Imelda Marcos' shoe suitcase. My car is a little of the compact variety (it's like playing a human version of Tetris every morning as I bend and twist myself into the drivers seat) but the van provided both space - and much excitement for a certain 4 year old. "Is this your new van Dad? I like it, very, very much!" Much like his trip aboard the fire engine of a few months ago, Luca squealed with excitement as he climbed into the high seating position of the passenger side. "Where are we going?" he yelled as we pulled out the street, "Are we going to Banchory? Or maybe even Lincoln! Ooooooh!". Thankfully his general air of giddiness caused him not only to not hear my response to the negative, but also to have forgotten the original question once we arrived back in our street ten minutes later........

Further to my earlier referral of Luca's increase in energy of late, as most of you are already aware, Luca was prescribed an inhaler by the doctor just over a month ago in an attempt to combat the coughing fits that have blighted long periods of his life thus far. They surmised the cause was most likely a mild form of asthma, and appear to have been correct. Since the beginning of this trial his coughing has almost entirely been eradicated.

With this, he's been infused with a greater degree of energy and general enthusiasm. He's enjoying activities such as his football training far more as a result, which is a great relief to bear witness to. Speaking of which, his physical dexterity is increasing week on week, and his eye-to-ball co-ordination has improved greatly too. It's interesting watching him move, and very noticeable that his greatest strengths are his pace, ability to weave and general upper body strength in comparison to his peers. Perhaps, with this is mind, it won't be football he excels at but rugby instead. Watch this space.

I'm tired now. Have I written enough? Time for bed (said Zebedee)

**Useless fact of the day - Possession of LSD in the UK can carry sentences of up to 7 years in prison**

The Luca-a-thon continues (6th Feb 2011)

With greater predictability than that of a snoozing House of Commons attendee, my weekend didn't pan out as expected. On Saturday I was due to visit Perth for Partick Thistle's cup tie against St Johnstone, but due to snow, ice and rain (despite unseasonably good weather in our home town) my trip was cancelled before I even hit the Southbound motorways. With this, and following a trip to the gym on the way home as personal recompense, I arrived home looking for an alternative way to spend my day. Luca, as always, provided it.



He and his Mum arrived home from a birthday party shortly after my return (Amy from nursery for the pedants out there), and following a little coaxing ("No thanks Dad, I want to stay at home and read my books instead") Luca threw his coat and hat on and strode out with me to watch our local Highland League team, Inverurie Loco's, take on Fraserburgh in what was (well, almost) a local derby. Here he is above, posing at the halfway point between our house and the football stadium.




Like time, Luca waits for no man as he strode purposefully on



At the game, where our vertically challenged child found a gap in the barriers which allowed him unobstructed access to the events on the pitch. He held this position for several minutes, until one of the home defenders cleared the ball out of play, only just missing a rather startled 4-year-old. At this point he retreated behind the barrier and stated a new preference to be lifted up instead



Is he watching the game intently here, or was the burger stand in that direction? You decide

With the game won at 2-0, Luca decided it was time to leave and go elsewhere instead. The park proved a popular alternative despite the 20 minute walk to get there. "You should have taken the car silly Daddy" lectured a stern Luca

Yes, he is still rather cautious at times, as he demonstrates above. "I might fall!"

I took this picture on his 17th shot on this particular slide. It's really nice watching your kids play, until your patience wears thin. "Last shot Luca" I called out several times. "Just one more" came the oft repeated fib by a toddler chancing his luck

Different slide, same park. Yes, it does get dark REALLY quickly up here.......

Luca's stomach began growling as loudly as mine at this point, so we took off toward the nearest cafe for some tea at this point. Here he is running as always, albeit in the style of a tortoise having a panic attack.

Today brought the usual early rise, and Luca and I began the now familiar trek toward Culter for his football training. Most of the exercises today were based upon using different parts of the feet, particularly the sole of the foot, and the heel (to backheel). Luca performed quite well - he gets very excited when he does something well - although I am noticing a pattern. He tends to perform quite confidently when I sit at the side of the hall and observe, but less so when I'm right beside him to assist. Parent participation is necessary for many of the exercises so I will have to persist, but it's become very apparent that my close presence causes nerves in the young one, and a faster rate of frustration if he doesn't perform a task well.

It's very apparent that this is due to his desire to impress his Dad, whereas he is much more relaxed the less "hands on" I am. I'm making sure I praise him highly when he does well, and not showing (at least I hope not) any frustration when he shows less aptitude, but it's something I'm going to have to remain conscious of.

I just want him to have fun just now, and not to worry about disappointing Dad. But how do you convince a toddler of such logic?

On a different matter, he's been making frequent mention of his extended family regularly of late. Perhaps it's time to get travelling again! In the past week his utterances have included:-

"I want to go see Granny Jo" (highly predictable!)

"Granda's funny, he tells Granny and me fibs. He does it all the time" (Dad, I'll be having words....)

"I want to go to Lincoln to see Grandma and her cat - it would like a cuddle wouldn't it?"

"Cade and Braeden live far, far away. Can I go and see them?"

"I want to speak to Max on the phone all the time"

These are some of the nicer/cuter/odder (delete as applicable) things he's said lately. However, he has also become inappropriate at times too. Most recently, as a rather portly staff member passed us by in the supermarket he hollered out "That man is really fat isn't he?". What do you do? I waited for a distance to form between said employee and ourselves before admonishing our rude boy and explaining how hurtful his remark was. Was this the correct course of action? You decide - please vote in the new poll.

Finally, I provided a movie for Carole and I to watch this evening. As you're aware, Carole has a strong preference for horrors, so I surmised my choice of "The Tortured" would prove popular. As such, we sat down, snuggled in and started watching......

It turned out to be a film about a young boy, not much older than Luca being abducted from his own garden. Caroles opinion post film? "I really can't stop thinking about it now". What are the odds on nightmares in the Stewart household tonight?

**Useless fact of the day - Only about one in every 10,000 reported missing/abducted children are not found alive**

In Caroles words.....

Carole's emailed me a few pictures of her recent trip to the beach with Luca. Beneath each is her own description of events. So can today's post be classified as Caroles? As Kenny Dalglish would say - "Mebbe's aye, mebbe's naw"



"We had a brisk walk on the beach"



"Mini motor bikes at Codona's"





"Ham sandwich followed by choc ice cream at pier bistro - Saturday 22nd Jan after Megamind and a walk on the beach"




"Very surprising but difficult to capture but he sat beautifully on this shot but it reared quite far up up high in the sky!!"

As ever, he's had a good number of trips lately. This past weekend he accompanied me to the office while Carole recovered from tonsillitis (almost clear now thankfully) on Saturday, as well as his football training on Sunday morning.

His progression at training has been substantial, even in the short 3 week period he has so far attended. Most impressively this week he was regularly performing a "drag-back", where he rolls the ball backwards with the sole of his foot before turning and running with it. I was most impressed.

Luca was less so. After training had finished, while I helped change him back into his trousers from his shorts, I asked him if he'd had fun. He dipped his gaze and slowly shook his head. "Why not?" I enquired. He sighed. "I'm not very good at this" he said quietly

Yes, my heart almost broke for him

"But you were really good today" I insisted. "I really wasn't" he muttered back. "You were", I countered. "Remember how many goals you scored? And you were really good at dribbling. I was very impressed". He looked up at this point and a little smile crept upon his face.

We went to the cinema afterwards as a reward for his efforts. "Marmaduke" was the movie of the morning, a live action (as opposed to the more common cartoon films we attend) film about a Great Dane dog who can talk. It was better than it sounds, although the doggy dancing bit at the end caused me to voluntarily bang my head off every solid surface within the vicinity

As so often, Luca has the appearance of someone who's been in a fight. This time it's been caused by an infection which has affected the bottom of his nose and upper lip. He's been prescribed an antibiotic cream by the doctors however which has already cleared much of it - I'm certain by the next time I take his picture there'll be no trace

And finally, Carole and I (and shaggy of course) visited "Strathburn School" this morning in preparation for August, when he'll begin Primary One. It's a frightening testament to how quickly time passes, albeit he will still be one of the youngest children at the school. Indeed, he'll still only be 4 when it begins. The tour was of interest, and the changes in schools child development is startlingly apparent from our generation. However, some things never change, and my nostrils caught the putrid smell of School Dinners being prepared as we passed the canteen. Overcooked custard, yum yum

I should, however, make mention of the fact that we are to visit the school again in May for one of their recent innovations. Luca, Carole and I will "enjoy" a school dinner together in order to assist in his school familiarisation. How does one prepare their stomach for such a harrowing event?

**Useless fact of the day - School dinners, on average, contain less than half the salt and sugar of a packed lunch**

The word "plethora" was created for this very purpose

Seven photo's. Ten video's. And a cricked neck for me as I sit uncomfortably awaiting their upload. I'm afraid the timeline of each of these images/video's is so skewed as to make an episode of "Lost" appear logical and well planned out, but onward nonetheless:-



I'm considering charging "Homebase" for the above as a publicity shot. Luca and I were searching for a bathroom suite, and came across the above much to Luca's obvious approval. Did we buy it? No, but we have chosen an alternative, with further details on a later blog, once work begins.






The man in red again, this time proudly showing off his big cockerel. A gratefully received present from Auntie Jane et al, and a "fnar fnar" opportunity for me.






Luca at Pittodrie, home of Aberdeen Football Club. This was his second ever senior game and a successful one to boot. A crushing 6-0 victory for Aberdeen brought plenty of opportunity for the boy to shout and sing.






Here's the build up to the third goal of the game. Luca enjoyed himself, albeit half-time providing him with his greatest thrill - the appearance of Angus the Bull, Aberdeen's mascot. "What's that? That's a funny cow!!!"





Occasionally his focus on the game was lost. "Can I have another bag of crisps Dad?" came a common request, as he kept a careful eye on my bag of "Walkers"




I can't remember when I took this. I do know it's outside Waterstone bookstore. It's not an interesting picture however, I'm sorry. I can't even think of a pithy comment to accompany it.

And here's David Beckham (Mark 2). Taken after Luca's first football training session, his sweaty and shaggy mop somehow even more unkempt than usual.

Onto the videos now, and as promised previously Luca shyly describes his first kiss......



And finally, in a video I'm certain will bring me chastisement, comes Luca's "toilet games". Peculiarly, he enjoys it when I tell him not to use the toilet. Why? I don't know, why is the moon made of cheese?

**Useless fact of the day - The moon isn't made of cheese**

Football crazy....

Many years ago (well, 4) a boy was born to an overjoyed couple. Said boy grew at an exponential rate, showing great aptitude that, by the year 2026, had resulted in him being considered the greatest footballer that had ever lived

Or not. Luca had his first official football training today, at Culter Sports Centre. It's being run by an organisation called "FootStars", and covers all age ranges from 3 upwards. We've signed him up for an entire block, with each class commencing at 9am on Sunday mornings.

Yes, no more Sunday lie-ins for me, or Luca for that matter. Still, he appeared fully awake as we arrived at the sports centre, and enjoyed every minute. The session was held in the main hall, and was high tempo, for both parents and children. Indeed, I regretted my decision to wear jeans.

Luca's general co-ordination isn't bad, and he can kick the ball quite accurately over distance. However, he appears to have inherited his fathers touch, and attempts to teach him to dribble the ball around cones was comical to say the least.

However, part of this is down to a lack of patience as well as technical aptitude. He understood the exercise, but simply preferred to blast the ball into the net from distance rather than dance around the cones first. "I don't need to do this Daddy" he commented upon noticing my head in my hands, "I can do a goal from a long way away!"

I'm afraid I don't have any pictures of video's this week. My home PC has died temporarily, so I'm typing this from the office. However, I'll update with the plethora of pictures and video's as soon as it's repaired. Of particular interest will be the video discussion with Luca, where he tells me the details of his first kiss......

**Useless fact of the day:- Website "Ehow" describes coaching young children to play football is "like watching a moving stampede"**