It is Scotland after all

It is infrequently that we are allowed to forget where we live. As the rain, snow and hail lash upon us - even attacking us horizontally at times - it is as if our home country is a jealous lover, unwilling to let us dream of another place. Scotland screams at us to love her because of and not despite her faults.

Today proves the theory. As I sat in my office, consciously willing the window to my right to continue to withstand the assault by hard rain, the weather reports provided us updates of the happenings on the unpleasant side of the window pane. Driving rain and gale force winds have barraged much of Scotland today with the North East taking the brunt. My journey home echoed scenes from movies such as "The Day After Tomorrow" and "2012" as my car intricately weaved through the dozens of fallen tree's in it's path.

Someones roof even ended up lying across the dual carriageway halfway between my office and home. Yes, a roof. Ironic really, your roof deserting you in severe weather is a bit like owning a dog that doesn't ever respond to your commands. Isis

At least the Scottish summer (cough) is consistent, much like our Luca. Every day he continues his quest to be the worlds most awkward 4 year old. His delaying tactics when we ask him to do something he doesn't like have now reached legendary status. My personal favourite is the new "fluff between the toes" tactic, which he employs every night before he puts his jammie's on. "Hold on" he'll demand as you attempt to get him ready for bed "I have fluff in my toes". He will then proceed to spend five minutes picking the imaginary fluff from between every one of his toes, determinedly never meeting your gaze, knowing that with eye contact endeth the lie.

He really frighteningly resembles his Mum now. Forget the physicality - eyes, hair, build, smile - he has taken on many of the nuances of his Mother, most pertinently his single minded and determined nature. I love the knowing look he gives you when you tell him to do something, the grin appearing on the corner of his mouth as he contemplates how to manipulate the situation into making you think you've won while actually ending up doing exactly what he wants.

I would write more, but with Lucy's earlier blog (about driving over snakes and chasing bears) having blown everyone elses efforts out the water for a least the next calendar year this effort feels a little superfluous.....

**Useless fact of the day - Despite misconceptions, Scotland actually has the longest summer days in the United Kingdom - 17 hours of daylight. Alternately, Scotland also has the shortest winter days, with a mere 7 hours of daylight**

Granda would have been proud

As you'll have been aware (I may have mentioned it once, twice or thrice recently), I was playing football this weekend at the theatre of dreams - Firhill Stadium, home of Partick Thistle FC. It was great fun walking out onto the hallowed turf, and my enthusiasm obviously influenced the club photographer - if you click on the link below you may recognise a certain ageing enthusiast:-
www.ptfc.co.uk/media/photo_galleries/miscellaneous_galleries/2010-2011/firhill_cup_and_fun_day/image_011

Once viewed, please vote on the poll on the right........



It's not only opposing strikers who have had to put up with my close attentions of late, Luca has also "enjoyed" a little more of my time of late. Here he is above outside the polling station before I cast my vote (I voted Green just to p**s off Alex Salmond) sporting the most curious of grins. Click on the picture to gain a closer image, has Luca been taking smiling lessons from Cherie Blair?

Back to Firhill, here's the boy getting his face painted. That familiar reticent smile and questionable stare was bestowed upon the face painter throughout

I'm a tiger!

For most of you this picture is simply a cute photo of Luca eating a cake. Dad however will be looking at Luca's company - yes, that's Willie Kinnibugh, Simon Donnelly and Jackie McNamara in his company

Yes, this was his favourite bit of the day. We simply couldn't get him off it, he loved it. Luca is without question the most cautious of children, so we relished watching him repeatedly throw himself from the top of this bouncy slide. I've rarely seen him so carefree. Indeed, at one point he threw himself from the top with such abandon that he didn't touch the slide until halfway down, rolling the rest of the way down like a chubby avalanche. "This is really good!" he squealed as he prepared to climb the steps again while simultaneously hiding the fact that he'd hurt his elbow.

Unfortunately I don't have any pictures of Carole yet. But fear not, as I will in the next blog. Carole bought a raffle ticket at the stadium, and when the draw was made during a break in play was delighted to hear she'd won something. Her disappointment as she reached the centre circle to find her prize was a signed picture of the Partick Thistle squad was negated by the company around her. As the photographer lined her up for a picture she stopped him to insist on having "two good looking men in the picture with her"

She wasn't referring to Luca and I.

Two Thistle players were quickly identified and rounded up into the picture, both giggling like schoolboys. "They'll have thought I was a proper cougar" Carole confided with me later, "but I don't care" she declared, falling about in laughter

**Useless fact of the day - A "cougar" refers to a powerful, predatory older woman who uses her appeal and status on younger, more inexperienced males**

My dog the racist

My dog is a racist. A curious statement granted, but a correct assumption nonetheless. Yoda, our little Jack Russell is the most timid of dogs. I don't think I can even adequately describe in prose how timid she is. To give an example, Carole was throwing out a piece of bubble wrap last week. But what do you do with bubble wrap? You pop it, it's an entirely instinctive and strangely pleasurable act. Unless you are Yoda. Upon hearing the first pop she bolted up the stairs ands hid underneath our bed. That's how timid she is.




But I digress. Why is she a racist? Because it has become apparent of late she views fellow dogs in one of two ways - with aggression or friendship. So, Poodles - friendship. Bulldogs - friendship. Springer Spaniels - friendship. Black Labradors however? Wuff, wuff, snarl, bark bark bark bark bark. Some dogs fetch sticks, others can crawl, some even roll over and play dead. Mine is a racist.



Xenophobic canines aside (words I never imagined I would write), the less frivolous side of tonights blog, of course, belongs to Luca. With another week having passed, I thought it best to present a photographic record of the week to illuminate all on his activities. The photo at the top is an irrelevance, but was taken outside my company's Peterhead base (I was up there for a series of meetings) which left me wondering how long such a nice view outside your workplace would take to become just another everyday image to which you'd be aware of but ultimately ignore? More interestingly, the picture directly above was taken of Luca in what is curiously one of his favourite surroundings - the Tesco supermarket cafe. I guess there is no accounting for taste, but he considers this a genuine treat.

This is in our bedroom, early on a Saturday morning as Luca (successfully, natch) convinced Carole and I that sleepy time was over and that his day was due to begin. The odd creature in the foreground (other than Luca...) is the boys favourite current toy. A £1.50 rubber spiky piggy. Of all my qualities the main one he has inherited is my desire for cheap tat.

The above image was taken during Aberdeen's semi final tie at Scotlands national stadium in Glasgow (Hampden Park), where I unfortunately took residence for the day. Great atmosphere, but a resounding 4-0 defeat is about as much fun as a fart in an elevator

With summer upon us, it was time for a new hat for Luca. Yes, that's a "Transformers" hat. You may not need many guesses as to which parent took him shopping that day.

The hat has rarely left his head since. The following day he wore it all day at nursery. When I removed it from his head that evening (under duress I might add) the top of his hair was so plastered to his head the style resembled that of a Newton Abby monk. Here he is again above, with hat on again of course, at Haddo House on Easter Sunday. We attended their annual "Easter Egg Hunt". As you can see, Luca's attempts at searching proved a little futile, so instead he proudly displayed a stick he found instead.

But there's a playground on site too, which of course offered him some recompense.

Time and time and time and time and time again...........

"Last shot Dad, I promise"

Finally, here he is above just before his Asthma Clinic appointment. Due primarily to the relief his inhaler has provided him (alongside various other methods and factors), the cough he's had almost his entire life has entirely disappeared. Our clinic appointment was designed to discuss his progress, as well as an opportunity for his parents to speak about any concerns. However, as I had asthma myself as a child I had few queries to air. The most interesting part of the appointment for me was the doctors record taking. Our formerly tiny mite now stands at an impressive 3ft 5.5 inches.

**Useless fact of the day - On average, a person produces half a litre of fart gas every day, distributed over an average of around fourteen daily farts**

It's not my fault.....

I'm sorry. Again. My excuse for lack of blogging activity of late is simple - my PC has broken down, again. What's wrong with it? I don't know, I push the button and it doesn't turn on.

Yes, it's plugged in.

So, until it's repaired I'm afraid my blogs will continue to be updated from my work PC, and as such will be devoid of photographs. On the positive side, however, my camera is building a extensive collection of pictures - primarily of Luca, natch - of which I'll post all upon repair of my home PC.

Every negative has a positive. A bit like Colonel Gadaffi. Yes, he's a tyrant, a maniac. But he will one day die and feed the undernourished Libyan ground worms

I haven't seen much of Luca lately unfortunately. Due to work and other obligations I've been away a great deal longer than I prefer. For example, I was away half this past weekend in Glasgow for Aberdeen's semi-final against Celtic. We lost 4-0. Our 4 hour drive home through unending traffic and roadworks provided little comfort too funnily enough.

I made up for it yesterday however, taking the day off work (yep, I sometimes don't work....) and spending the day with a 4 year old who could barely remember my face. We spent the day at various parks, shops and the cinema ("Rio", it was great) before an exhausted tot and I returned home to put our feet up. Interestingly, he already slouches on the sofa like a fat 50 year old. What's he going to be like once he actually reaches that age?

He's a real tease at present too. I've mentioned previously of his habit of turning off the bathroom light whenever I go in, but he's also now started to adopt songs for various occasions. For example, if he catches me getting dressed in the morning he'll trot through, smack my butt and begin singing "Daddy's got a bare tummy, bare bummy, bare tummy". How do you combat this? I'm perennially to busy laughing to chastise him

What else? Carole appears much improved, as the antibiotics seem to have cleared the worst of what was ailing her. However, the doctor, as standard up here it appears, has seemed very vague on the actual cause even if he was able to provide a solution. Perhaps I'm being pernickety, but I'd prefer a clearer and more straightforward diagnosis rather than going straight for the drugs every time.

And me? I'm going to Greenland. With a new contract having commenced at my work I'm being (most likely forcibly) loaded onto a charter aircraft next month to organise the customs/logistical side of operations in Kangerlussuaq. Sound like fun? I don't think so......

**Useless fact of the day - Greenland has a population of 56,452 and is the least densely populated dependency or country in the world. It's also a bit cold**

Is this a good day or bad? 05/04/11

A little good news just filtered through. I've gained a place in the Firhill Cup, a football competition taking place at Firhill Stadium, hope of the (in)famous Partick Thistle. Full scale 11-a-side game on the legendary pitch where past masters (such as Alan Hansen, Mo Johnston and Chic Charnley) have plied their trade. It appears I'll be playing in my favoured right back position, so with the clock to kickoff counting down (33 days....) I need to get in training so as to not completely humiliate myself. "But you're almost 36 years old now Gary" you'll be saying, "and you were never much cop even in your pomp". These are valid points, the validity of which I'll accept. But still ignore.

Can you tell I'm excited yet? In other matters, I'm taking Luca to the doctor tomorrow. He's developed a very curious scratching tendency which is causing concern. At present he has prominent scratches across his face and back (most administered as he sleeps) and has even scratched a chunk out the top of his head. I'll update further tomorrow.

Coincidentally Carole also has an appointment tomorrow, as the practice work toward a solution for her lingering infection. The initial prognosis was tonsillitis, followed by a contradiction last week where they claimed it may instead be glandular fever. However, the blood results have come back indicating this is not the case. Similarly to Luca's, I'll post further as soon as I have word.

**Useless fact of the day - A common natural remedy to child scratching on Google is to give the child a starch bath, with the bathwater including one tablespoon of starch, three teaspoons of cold water and one pint of boiling water**

Is anyone still reading? 30/03/11

As recompense for the long delay between entries of late, I felt it best to begin with a couple of pictures of Luca. Is he still at the "awww" age, or are we starting to think "crikey, he's becoming a big lump"? Let's find out, please vote on the the poll on the right hand side of the page......

Carole and I are escaping our little lumpus for a weekend shortly. In the last weekend of June we're (along with a couple of friends) flying to London for a mini break. Caroles experience of London is surprisingly limited so this is an opportunity to show her the attractions (and detractions) of the UK's capital. Our hotel seems perfectly nice - www.hilton.co.uk/islington - although the intent is not to spend a great deal of time there. With much still to be planned, our itinerary already includes:-

London Eye

Madame Tussauds

Emirates Stadium (Arsenals ground)

Camden Market

Soho (at night.......naturellemant)

Club Koko - NME Tour (indie music gig)

Wimbledon

House of Parliament

If anyone wishes us to deposit any flaming bags of excrement to the latter attraction please let us know. And please be assured they'll be delivered with gusto.

During our London visit we may even bump into Boris Johnson. Can you imagine what a treat it would be to kick the posh, smug, conceited, racist toff endlessly in the cojones? It would make my year :)

Political negativity aside, there's still much to plan for our intentionally cliched touristy-esque visit. And yes, we're flying. Perhaps Carole can knock me out A-Team/BA Baracus style in order to avoid my girlish squeals as the aircraft rattles it's way up the runway.

Most likely Carole will be fit by the time we travel. She's currently under the weather to such a degree that I (as in Mr get-out-of-bed-at-the-last-minute) have been responsible both for the dog walking and Luca duties in the mornings while she snuffles distressingly in bed. The dogs are easy enough, but Luca is a different challenge. It's commonplace for me to forget to put my underpants on before my trousers at 7am, so to have to remember to put the right clothes on the toddler, feed him the right breakfast, give him his tablets and inhaler, brush his teeth and hair, wash his hands and face and make sure he has a stallion-esque wee-wee too is a challenge akin to that faced by the tortoise in his race with the rabbit

Except without the happy ending

Dinner has been a challenge too. Luca has continued to eat well. but Carole and I less so. I've attempted to cook healthily, but I'm certain I don't need to spell out the fallacy of my attempts. I've since learnt that frying isn't healthy, and that you don't empty three quarters of a jar of chilli powder into any dish, no matter how bland I felt it was.

And me? I'm starting to resemble a plate of chips.

So what is wrong with Carole? As you know she was recently diagnosed and treated for tonsillitis. However, she has never recovered and as such I made another appointment for her for today. Interestingly the doctor feels the original diagnosis was incorrect, and it's more likely she has glandular fever. Blood tests are following tomorrow so I'll post another update as soon as the results are in.

Luca has been busy of late too. His football training has continued unabated and his progress has surprised me. He can now dribble the ball, keeping it between his feet at all times. I can't do that! He also caused me much amusement at Sundays session. I'd always thought he was a lefty, but of late he has been using his right foot a great deal more prominently. With this in mind I enquired of him which foot he preferred. "This one!" he declared proudly, kicking his right foot into the air. However, his over-exuberance was his (literal) downfall as his upward motion was too great and physics took over........

He also has a new favourite film. I discovered an old copy of "Transformers The Movie", a cartoon film from my childhood (1985-ish) and so put it on for him, fully expecting a derisory reaction to the rather dated visuals. However, quite the contrary occurred and he's now viewed it on at least 7 or 8 occasions now. I watch it with him, but only for the sake of keeping my son company you understand.

Being on call this past weekend left me trapped locally, so Carole took Luca for a visit to the Macduff Aquarium. He's obsessed with fish and excitedly returned home with a present he'd brought home for Dad, a rubber octopus. "I got a present for you!" he squealed as he ran into the living room on his return, "an octopus for Daddy!". "Thank you Luca" I happily replied, "can I play with my new present?"

I still don't think I've touched it. Indeed, I think Luca is sleeping with it again tonight.

**Useless fact of the day - "Transformers The Movie" featured the vocal talents of the legendary Orson Welles, filming his last ever movie before he died**

Sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry sorry

Two weeks since my last blog. TWO WEEKS! What's my excuse this time? Is it due to Liz's latest visit, as this "Luca blog" is ostensibly transmitted primarily for her benefit? I know there are other keen voyeurs of Luca's latest activities, but as there is no "right to reply" section on this blog I will stand as firmly behind this ill thought out argument as belligerently as a Lib Dem MP stands behind their coalition while the Tory's strip this country of it's entire cultural worth.



What's more, today's entry is going to be of the rushed variety. I'm playing football in Aberdeen in an hours time, and still haven't even yet checked to see if the team strips are out the wash. I feel a "Caaarrroooolllleee, help!" moment coming on.



The pictures present are a bit of a mish mash and as always not in any cogent order. The top picture is Luca in the local cafe (what, again?) while the above was taken as he sat beside me in one of my works vans. As previously mentioned, he loves it (front seat!) but the perverse side of me felt it better to upload the only photo taken that day (out of around 20) of an almost dismissive yawn.



At the chemist here, collecting another inhaler for his asthma. A rather pointless exercise of late however, as I've recently been "treated" to a household filled with germs and bugs. Indeed, Carole, Liz and Luca's colds ran concurrently, and the endless stream of coughs emanating from our living room resembled a rather flemmier version of Paul McCartney's "Frog Chorus"




Coincidentally, did you know that "The Frog Chorus" was (I think) the first music single I ever owned? I've always found it rather amusing that most people lie about their first single. No-one ever admits their first single was "Making Your Mind Up" by Bucks Fizz do they?



However, back to Luca. This was taken today after football training. And yes, he's getting far too big for rides of this ilk. I did tell him. But he just looked at me blankly. Rather resembling Barrack Obama's expression every time a journalist asks him why he hasn't yet ordered the assassination of the clearly maniacal Colonel Gadaffi.

Here's the new floor of our bathroom. Luca's chest puffs out any time someone new sees it. "I chose it, I chose it" squeals the munchkin as he desperately points to the flooring.

And here's the new bigger bath. "You and I could fit in that together" I said to my wife with a glint in my eye.

She's still laughing.

**Useless fact of the day - The average person visits the toilet 2500 times a year**