Monday 29th June 2009

Unquestionably I had to post this picture. I stumbled across the aforementioned website - befunky.com - whilst arbitrarily browsing the web. I'm certain you've already determined the purpose of the site, which creates cartoons of any digital photograph, and rather impressively so as well. Indeed, I may have to print this one off and frame it. The website also offers a selection of options for manipulating your photo. but some results aren't quite as impressive, as follows:-



This is, supposedly, a stencil drawing of our family photo in Tenerife. C'est bien? Mais non monsieur, c'est tres, tres merde!



OK, they're just getting worse now. I'll stop while I still have at least a 33% success rate. Intriguing application nonetheless!

Perhaps I should have left Fridays blog as the conclusive end point to the hundreds of posts entered over the past couple of years? Is there a time line to such a format? Will it be superseded by something else, such as "Twitter"? Or is this some form of purgatory with the punishment being to continue for another 13.5 years?

In 13.5 years he'll be 16, hence the blogs proposed natural end.

Another reason for ending the continual punishment of my fingertips on the keyboard (I type like most men, one finger thundering down on each key like it were an EU Agricultural Bureaucrat itself) could also be the lack of subject matter - and that is most appropriate for tonight's post. Very little has actually occurred up here since Friday I regret to say. The weekend was quiet, and only enlightened by another bus expedition on Saturday for Luca. While his Mother and her cohorts bounded around the well worn Bannatyne floors, Luca took flight from home territory by public transport with his Dad into Inverurie in such a bold fashion I may as well have not been there. His strength and confidence are shooting now and any attempts to baby him are rejected out of hand.

Unless he gets an "owey" or wants chocolate or crisps, natch.

Luca wasn't particularly impressed by my new (temporary) toy though. I took one of our companies vans home with me for the weekend in order to transport some bulky items from our garden to the tip. The curious one inevitably climbed in for a closer inspection, but was clearly unsure of the vans layout. Indeed, the look of confusion and suspicion on his face as he looked into the open unseated space in the back spoke volumes. In fact, every time I suggested going out after that he shook his head saying "No in white van Daddy, not like it"

He has a burgeoning and impressive memory though. Despite not having seen the van since early on Sunday, when I came home from work tonight a beaming Luca swung round in his chair proclaiming that "Daddy come home in white van". I shook my head and told him I'd left it at work. "Catch the bus then Daddy?" came the response. I nodded, to which Luca's return was a triumphant smile before swinging back round in his chair. His banana and ice cream was rapidly melting, so I guess the privilege of his attention even for that brief minute was something to be savoured.

Much like his banana and ice cream.

What's coming up? Who knows during this abnormal heatwave. Even our coldest temperature this week will be 22 degrees, which considering the high percentage of North Eastern ginger people will cause a few problems (to put bit mildly). As I'm turning 25 on Sunday (for almost ten years consecutively now admittedly) Carole has arranged something for me on Friday night, but won't let the cat out of the bag. Which is just as well considering we have two dogs. On Saturday we have a barbecue with a fellow ageing child of the mid seventies, before a lazy day on Sunday.

Hopefully once the condolences of another passing year have ended I can get back to the serious business of buying a car. I now have definite possibilities, which is just in time before the final layer on the soles of my feet erode away.

Have I mentioned Luca enough? Did I mention that I made the error of not locking the bathroom door this morning, which allowed the inquisitive young man to enter, take my newspaper away, chat away endlessly before unexpectedly flushing the toilet? Not pleasant, but hard not to laugh as he then proceeded to walk back out whilst waving bye bye before slamming the toilet door shut so hard my can of shaving foam fell to the floor from atop the sink.

I won't list such inappropriate stories next time.

**Useless fact of the day - Scientists estimate that 100 species go extinct every day. That's about one species every 15 minutes**

Friday 26th June 2009

For your perusal tonight we have a variety of week old pictures. As a rule I perennially try to post any photo's online within 24 hours, so this demonstrates a real dereliction of my duties. Caroles bass level growl as I admitted my tardiness last night reminded me very abruptly of my responsibility.....


Last Sundays "Race for Life" is featured above, and though awash with far too much pink-ness (without even considering the overabundance of deely-boppers) is still one of the more legible photographs I've taken of late. Carole and Luca you know, while Karen (in the white shirt) is one of Carole closest friends. The other girls? Yep, my memory fails me yet again. Have I mentioned how worried I am by this? I'm turning into my Mother.....



Surprisingly, and frankly a little disturbingly, this picture wasn't posed. Luca stole his Mothers deely-boppers (are they still called that?), clearly deciding that sitting big pink fluffy balls atop a "John Motson" hat is a good look. Perhaps he's just ahead of fashion in this instance and we simply need to catch up with his trend setting ways.




OK, no argument, this one is posed. Doesn't it remind you of something though? "You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!"

Too obscure a reference? Please let me know!



Movie style theatrics apart, Luca always photographs well does he not? Here he is behavedly posing in front of his Dad, with both of us choosing not to make reference to the t-shirt he'd personally purchased himself for my Fathers Day gift.


He actually presented me with a bag full of gifts that very morning as I awoke (or more specifically as he forcibly woke me), although I was only allowed to keep a select few. The book and t-shirt I got to keep. The chocolate bar and bag of sweeties? Well, "assez dit" (as our Gallic friends would say) is probably a correct summation.....



For some reason he looks a little like Gok Wan here.



Later that day Luca and I drove to Banchory - the journey enriched by boisterous renditions of "twinkle twinkle little star" blaring from the short one - to visit an elder Stewart Daddy. Despite innumerable attempts, this picture is the closest we got to a blur free Granda/Grandson picture on Fathers Day. By this stage of the day he was so pumped up by sweet food and lack of sleep that nothing short or Armageddon could have taken him down.


Is this the last blog? Am I, as suspected by Dad, using this as a ruse to encourage the rest of the family to update more often? Ambiguously the answer is yes and no.


**Useless Fact of the Day - It's well known that in many Far East countries dogs are viewed as food rather than pets. What is less known is that often the dogs are skinned alive before being hung up by their neck to die. Koreans in particular believe that dogs that die painfully will release more adrenaline into their flesh, creating a more potent and flavourful meat**

Wednesday 24th June 2009

Rehashing Dad's recent musings of discontinuing the blogs, based on the recent activity (or more importantly inactivity) of our fellow bloggers perhaps it is time to wind this up? Indeed, personally I've decided to continue through until the end of the week, making my last ever post on Friday night.

With this being the plan, I had better ensure my last couple of entries aren't as achingly dull as many of my previous. Unfortunately, as I'm in the office with my camera sitting 15 miles away in our kitchen todays will be image free - therefore immediately putting this entry on the back foot!

What has happened lately that may be of interest? For Carole's benefit it would be preferable for me not to remind her of this "experience", but due to the wall shaking nature of it I can't realistically avoid it. I came home from work last night to find Luca hoisted over his Mum's shoulder, whilst she tore up the stairs. It transpired he's been having the mother of tantrums and had sulked, screamed at and physically abused his Mum since she collected him from nursery, with this behaviour showing no signs of abating. My attempts to interject and help were quickly - and predictably considering the situation - waved away so I spent the next hour heating my tea, eating it and channel hopping while listening to a genuinely disturbing wall of noise emanate from the floor above me. Eventually - around 90 minutes later - Carole staggered down the stairs with a worn and forlorn look about her face. She had won the battle, although I'm certain George found slaying the dragon a trifle easier.

Other than his "Damien" type shenanigans Luca's actually been very pleasant of late. I find sometimes that my natural inclination to exaggerate can occasionally warp the true facts! Potty training is still successfully underway without further incident, and he chats so much he even puts his Aunt Jane to shame.

What else? Errm, not a lot. I'm now actively searching for a new car, and hope to have something tied up in the next week or so. The final car hasn't yet been decided - decisions are changed daily - but it will be a diesel estate. Hopefully aesthetically not too ugly, but I'm sure Joseph Merricks mother also had the same wish.

Carole will be hoping my weight stabilises again once the new car arrives, as I've had to walk up to 8 miles a day on occasion (when taking into account commuting, dog walking, etc) which rather predictably burns a calorie or two. Though I'm certain her main motive is to reagin full control of her BMW. Although I rarely use it, it's amusing to see the tension form around her jaw any time I eye her keys.

Other than this I rented a few DVD's from our local Blockbuster on Monday. The most high profile film borrowed was Oscar winning "Slumdog Millionaire". Great expectations invariably lead to even greater disappointment, which was most certainly the case with this long and frankly dull love story.

We also gave up our Sky Sports subscription yesterday, less through a need to tighten our belts, and more through a "Well, it's the football close season just now anyway" point of view. However, we immediately replaced it with the Movie channels and made good use of our first night by staying up to the "wee small hours" watching various good-to-average flicks. Watch "Run Fat Boy Run" if you can though. Is Simon Pegg the funniest actor in movies today? Discuss.

**Useless fact of the day - The "Huffington Post" blog is generally regarded as the worlds most popular and influential blog**

Saturday 20th June 2009

It was Luca's first sports day today, with the above picture featuring a (semi) victorious scoundrel after his first race this morning. The first event was a straight sprint in which he came a very creditable 2nd, despite exhausting his pent up energy with an - admittedly speedy - false start. Still, he looked quite pleased with his efforts!

And here he is in full flight! I was a little dubious of the girl in pinks (to the left of the picture)

claim of being under three years of age -I'm certain her voice had broken too - but despite this Luca pumped those little arms and legs for all they were worth!

Is there any order to my photo's? Nope, here he is at the race start (for those of you with binoculars)

And again. I really need to more selective with the pictures I upload.

This is better. Although similar in fashion to the other photo's already featured, this race was the penultimate race of his age group. The intention in this event was to have each child bounce as furiously as possible to the finish line. Luca, no doubt pumped up a little too much by an over eager father at the start line quickly decided - after only 3 bounces - that this method was unnecessarily slow and instead improvised by sprinting the rest of the way. Cheating? No. "Thinking outside the box" is more like it!

He still only finished second though....

Joking aside, he competed very well throughout, and across the three events (the other being the potato and spoon race) finished second, third and second. Impressively consistent I feel, and most gratifying was the determination and desire to win he showed. He was genuinely excited before each race, and very visibly gave his all. Promising....

Which side does this grit come from? Carole, all the way!

Though a little from me too. Mum will be unsurprised by my mention of this, but I did win the parents race. Convincingly.

Sad to say, but despite my advancing years and injured calf I genuinely wanted to win and really put my foot down from half way to ensure it. I certainly wasn't alone though as one of the other dads (a competing distance cyclist) came up for a chat afterwards, openly admitting he was devastated not to have won!

Dads eh? Then again, I have memories of a childhood spent attempting to tackle my Dad when he had a football. Would he ever let me? With his innate competitive instinct? You bet he didn't!

Indeed, he's now 60 and I still don't think I've taken the ball from him.....

Unfortunately Carole missed this first sports day, due to a culmination of fitness classes and shopping. Her 5K "Race for Life" is tomorrow necessitating a final burst of training. Worryingly however, she appears to have caught a little of the running bug and is already talking about competing in future races. A disquieting thought when considering the injuries Dad and Kelly have bestowed upon themselves with the trials they put their bodies through competing in half and full marathons.

It was Luca's Gran and myself who took Luca to the sports day today, and his Gran has been around him for almost 24 hours now. She picked him up from nursery yesterday afternoon and took him home for the night, allowing Carole and I an evening to ourselves. As a romantic prelude to the evenings main event I took Carole for a meal at the award winning "Cinnamon" restaurant, which vaunts it's specialty Indian/domestic fusion dishes. Perhaps I'm a bit of a troglodyte, but it tasted simply like normal Indian food to me!

That's not to say the quality wasn't high. Indeed Carole reckoned it was the best Indian food she's ever eaten. I assumed she wasn't counting my own concoctions, and closed my mind to the possibility she was.

The main event of the evening was a much anticipated event - a trip to the cinema to watch "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen". Carole, obviously teasingly, fell asleep twice during the movie, and proclaimed it a "load of rubbish" at the end. I like to think she was jesting, and personally enjoyed with gusto this two and a half hour spectacle of transforming robots beating each other up. Best movie ever!

I'll take Carole to see it again next week too.

**Useless fact of the day - The sun is 330,330 times larger than the earth*

Friday 19th June 2009

I enjoyed Kelly and Craigs blog (http://kellyandcraigcornwall.blogspot.com/) immensely this morning, especially as their current living arrangements appear to be taken straight from the pages of "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn"!

Today's blog is (painlessly) brief today, and is designed mainly to remind you that tomorrow Luca takes part in his very first sports day - and (as with seemingly everything else) it's a charity event, to fund Great Ormond Street Childrens Hospital. So if your pockets are feeling weighed down by too many coins than contact Carole or myself with your pledge!

I sound like ruddy Terry Wogan.....

**Useless fact of the day - Great Ormond Street Hospital requires charitable donations of at least £26,000,000.00 per annum**

Wednesday 17th June 2009

I just received a bit of good news this morning, my oldest friend (Donald) called to say he and his wife Luisa are having their first baby - she's 12 weeks pregnant. Great news, especially due to the absence of other friends with children. Everyone seems to be coupled but still fearful of the prospect of a brood! The imminent arrival of their little one can be a welcome, yet belated playmate for Luca.

That said, he'll be three by the time the new bairn ("baby" when translated to English) arrives. Terrifying, he'll be reading Hegel and Orwell by then. Probably.

Relatedly, our own youngest, Sima, is now house trained. At long last! Indeed, since Sunday we've let her roam free during the night and she's been spotless thus far. Very positive, but another problem has arisen. She's a very affectionate pup and likes nothing better than to cuddle in to you. As such, we wake every morning with the black and white ball of fur curled into our pillows. She waits until we fall asleep then sneaks up!

Indeed, this appears to be a habit that's forming. Mum babysat Luca for Carole and I on Friday and had a little snooze when Luca went down for his afternoon nap. She eventually awoke with the addition of an unexpected Jack Russell scarf....

We're still in discussions for various upcoming events. I'm taking Carole for a meal and movie on Friday night, and also expect to attend a play in Inverurie on Monday night. There's a number of different performances on locally over the next week due to the annual - though not particularly famous - Garioch Theatre Festival.

Luca also has his first sports day on Saturday too! It's unlikely we'll be able to attend this due to other commitments, but if things change we'll regale you with pictures of the chubby one doing the egg and spoon. I wonder how competitive he is....

**Useless fact of the day - The origins of the celebration of Father's Day can be traced back to Spokane in the state of Washington in the country of the United States of America (USA).
Sonora Louise Smart Dodd wanted to honour and pay back the love she received from her papa (the Civil War veteran William Jackson Smart who raised her and her five sisters alone as a single widowed parent whose wife had died in child birth of their sixth daughter) and started the tradition of Father's Day in her local area on 19 June 1910**

Tuesday 16th June 2009

We are bereft of pictures again, but after the fright we gave Mike with the last set this isn't necessarily a bad thing. I have a tendency to forget that, the Scottish North Eastern clan aside, our respective families aren't as used to seeing Luca immediately after laser surgery. Indeed, the very first time he had it (which seems a lifetime ago now) left me a little shellshocked. However, it is a temporary effect which calms gradually over a number of weeks.


Despite the initial discomfort caused by this session - he was more swollen than normal, and slightly tender too - Luca has been particularly affectionate of late. Kisses and cuddles are coming thick and fast, and all he wants to do is be around you 24/7. His current favourite activity is picking toys out of his reward bag. As advised previously, he's in the middle of potty training and we give him rewards for every set number of pee's and poo's "excavated" into his potty. He's taken up the challenge with relish, and it is particularly amusing to watch him place his potty in front of the television before spending a minute or so pushing one through in front of his cartoons! Perhaps we should just place a newspaper beside the potty for him from now on?


His lego has also taken precedence over other toys lately, and on every day for the past week he's insisted I build him a horsey. He studies what I do with great concentration, before replicating the process. Sort of. Have you ever seen the movie "The Fly"? Remember where the main character got into the chamber with a fly, and was transmorphed into a horrific mutated creature? That's what Luca's lego horses look like just now.


Try, try and try again is the credence here.


There's not been much else of note lately, the majority of our time has been applied toward domestic duties. Apart from a brief spell in Aberdeen, much of Saturday was spent at home cleaning/gardening and cooking. The only respite was late into the evening where we sat down to watch the remake of "Friday The 13th", which although perfectly perfunctable was so formulaic that it made us wish we were mowing the lawn again.


Sunday was similar, although Mara - our neighbour - popped round to see Carole (I escaped the girly chatter by retreating to the loft...). They've sold their house now, so we'll have new neighbours soon. We were lucky to have Mara and Rob, so likely we'll now get an ASBO family now for some form of purgatory!


Yesterday felt long - when are Mondays not long? - although the day closed with a highlight being the arrival of a DVD of the last few episodes of "The Big Bang Theory". This has had us addicted, although disppointingly we are nearing the end. We've now watched almost all of the 46 (!) episodes and can't recommend it highly enough. What will we do once it's over? For a start we promise to start answering the phone again....


**Useless fact of the day - Although many aren't fatal, around 34 aircraft per year crash. Which probably helps explain our choice to go to Centre Parcs in Nottingham next year for our holidays rather than abroad**