As Bing would say, "It's Been A Long, Long Time"

As my blogs steadily become as infrequent as Luca's visits to the barber, I'm afraid I'm finding it increasing problematic when attempting to recall the events of the previous week or two, particularly those of the more trivial variety of which I'm particularly fond. A simple solution would be to blog more. But then again, would a simple solution to the MP's expenses saga simply be to discontinue the thieving ba***rds right to claim any future expenses? In this life, even the most logical paths often lead to a 50ft high brick wall with an ocean of piranhas on the opposite side.

Above is Luca, in a picture taken a week past Saturday as he, his Mum and I trailed round a retail outlet of the more ceramic variety, in this case "Topps Tiles". Our mission, as accepted, was to locate floor and wall tiles for our upcoming new bathroom. A long overdue job, our upstairs bathroom having always been as welcoming as a fart in an elevator.

Here's the floor tiles above, a slightly surprising but unanimous choice. Who located this particular sample however? Luca! Our 4 year old boy version of Rapunzel found this on one of his many laps around the store (he has become much livelier of late - more of that to follow) and brought it to his parents attention. "Mummy, Daddy, look - it looks like lots of sweeties, I like that....."

Luca's attention span - and patience - wears thin with indelible pace, and due to this (though my Vesuvius-esque rumbling stomach influenced proceedings also....) we left the store shortly after for lunch at a child friendly restaurant near Portlethen. Both he and his Mother looked on in horror as I devoured my rather odd meal of deep fried black pudding in a green sauce. And we think the French are odd for eating horses. (racial stereotype, tick)

This is our kitchen. When? I can't remember. Why is Luca grinning so? I don't know. But would surmise a chocolate based confection played a part in this smile.

I took one of my company's stores vans home with me on Friday night, as with the recent house upgrading of late we've been left with a garden shed packed tighter than Imelda Marcos' shoe suitcase. My car is a little of the compact variety (it's like playing a human version of Tetris every morning as I bend and twist myself into the drivers seat) but the van provided both space - and much excitement for a certain 4 year old. "Is this your new van Dad? I like it, very, very much!" Much like his trip aboard the fire engine of a few months ago, Luca squealed with excitement as he climbed into the high seating position of the passenger side. "Where are we going?" he yelled as we pulled out the street, "Are we going to Banchory? Or maybe even Lincoln! Ooooooh!". Thankfully his general air of giddiness caused him not only to not hear my response to the negative, but also to have forgotten the original question once we arrived back in our street ten minutes later........

Further to my earlier referral of Luca's increase in energy of late, as most of you are already aware, Luca was prescribed an inhaler by the doctor just over a month ago in an attempt to combat the coughing fits that have blighted long periods of his life thus far. They surmised the cause was most likely a mild form of asthma, and appear to have been correct. Since the beginning of this trial his coughing has almost entirely been eradicated.

With this, he's been infused with a greater degree of energy and general enthusiasm. He's enjoying activities such as his football training far more as a result, which is a great relief to bear witness to. Speaking of which, his physical dexterity is increasing week on week, and his eye-to-ball co-ordination has improved greatly too. It's interesting watching him move, and very noticeable that his greatest strengths are his pace, ability to weave and general upper body strength in comparison to his peers. Perhaps, with this is mind, it won't be football he excels at but rugby instead. Watch this space.

I'm tired now. Have I written enough? Time for bed (said Zebedee)

**Useless fact of the day - Possession of LSD in the UK can carry sentences of up to 7 years in prison**

The Luca-a-thon continues (6th Feb 2011)

With greater predictability than that of a snoozing House of Commons attendee, my weekend didn't pan out as expected. On Saturday I was due to visit Perth for Partick Thistle's cup tie against St Johnstone, but due to snow, ice and rain (despite unseasonably good weather in our home town) my trip was cancelled before I even hit the Southbound motorways. With this, and following a trip to the gym on the way home as personal recompense, I arrived home looking for an alternative way to spend my day. Luca, as always, provided it.



He and his Mum arrived home from a birthday party shortly after my return (Amy from nursery for the pedants out there), and following a little coaxing ("No thanks Dad, I want to stay at home and read my books instead") Luca threw his coat and hat on and strode out with me to watch our local Highland League team, Inverurie Loco's, take on Fraserburgh in what was (well, almost) a local derby. Here he is above, posing at the halfway point between our house and the football stadium.




Like time, Luca waits for no man as he strode purposefully on



At the game, where our vertically challenged child found a gap in the barriers which allowed him unobstructed access to the events on the pitch. He held this position for several minutes, until one of the home defenders cleared the ball out of play, only just missing a rather startled 4-year-old. At this point he retreated behind the barrier and stated a new preference to be lifted up instead



Is he watching the game intently here, or was the burger stand in that direction? You decide

With the game won at 2-0, Luca decided it was time to leave and go elsewhere instead. The park proved a popular alternative despite the 20 minute walk to get there. "You should have taken the car silly Daddy" lectured a stern Luca

Yes, he is still rather cautious at times, as he demonstrates above. "I might fall!"

I took this picture on his 17th shot on this particular slide. It's really nice watching your kids play, until your patience wears thin. "Last shot Luca" I called out several times. "Just one more" came the oft repeated fib by a toddler chancing his luck

Different slide, same park. Yes, it does get dark REALLY quickly up here.......

Luca's stomach began growling as loudly as mine at this point, so we took off toward the nearest cafe for some tea at this point. Here he is running as always, albeit in the style of a tortoise having a panic attack.

Today brought the usual early rise, and Luca and I began the now familiar trek toward Culter for his football training. Most of the exercises today were based upon using different parts of the feet, particularly the sole of the foot, and the heel (to backheel). Luca performed quite well - he gets very excited when he does something well - although I am noticing a pattern. He tends to perform quite confidently when I sit at the side of the hall and observe, but less so when I'm right beside him to assist. Parent participation is necessary for many of the exercises so I will have to persist, but it's become very apparent that my close presence causes nerves in the young one, and a faster rate of frustration if he doesn't perform a task well.

It's very apparent that this is due to his desire to impress his Dad, whereas he is much more relaxed the less "hands on" I am. I'm making sure I praise him highly when he does well, and not showing (at least I hope not) any frustration when he shows less aptitude, but it's something I'm going to have to remain conscious of.

I just want him to have fun just now, and not to worry about disappointing Dad. But how do you convince a toddler of such logic?

On a different matter, he's been making frequent mention of his extended family regularly of late. Perhaps it's time to get travelling again! In the past week his utterances have included:-

"I want to go see Granny Jo" (highly predictable!)

"Granda's funny, he tells Granny and me fibs. He does it all the time" (Dad, I'll be having words....)

"I want to go to Lincoln to see Grandma and her cat - it would like a cuddle wouldn't it?"

"Cade and Braeden live far, far away. Can I go and see them?"

"I want to speak to Max on the phone all the time"

These are some of the nicer/cuter/odder (delete as applicable) things he's said lately. However, he has also become inappropriate at times too. Most recently, as a rather portly staff member passed us by in the supermarket he hollered out "That man is really fat isn't he?". What do you do? I waited for a distance to form between said employee and ourselves before admonishing our rude boy and explaining how hurtful his remark was. Was this the correct course of action? You decide - please vote in the new poll.

Finally, I provided a movie for Carole and I to watch this evening. As you're aware, Carole has a strong preference for horrors, so I surmised my choice of "The Tortured" would prove popular. As such, we sat down, snuggled in and started watching......

It turned out to be a film about a young boy, not much older than Luca being abducted from his own garden. Caroles opinion post film? "I really can't stop thinking about it now". What are the odds on nightmares in the Stewart household tonight?

**Useless fact of the day - Only about one in every 10,000 reported missing/abducted children are not found alive**

In Caroles words.....

Carole's emailed me a few pictures of her recent trip to the beach with Luca. Beneath each is her own description of events. So can today's post be classified as Caroles? As Kenny Dalglish would say - "Mebbe's aye, mebbe's naw"



"We had a brisk walk on the beach"



"Mini motor bikes at Codona's"





"Ham sandwich followed by choc ice cream at pier bistro - Saturday 22nd Jan after Megamind and a walk on the beach"




"Very surprising but difficult to capture but he sat beautifully on this shot but it reared quite far up up high in the sky!!"

As ever, he's had a good number of trips lately. This past weekend he accompanied me to the office while Carole recovered from tonsillitis (almost clear now thankfully) on Saturday, as well as his football training on Sunday morning.

His progression at training has been substantial, even in the short 3 week period he has so far attended. Most impressively this week he was regularly performing a "drag-back", where he rolls the ball backwards with the sole of his foot before turning and running with it. I was most impressed.

Luca was less so. After training had finished, while I helped change him back into his trousers from his shorts, I asked him if he'd had fun. He dipped his gaze and slowly shook his head. "Why not?" I enquired. He sighed. "I'm not very good at this" he said quietly

Yes, my heart almost broke for him

"But you were really good today" I insisted. "I really wasn't" he muttered back. "You were", I countered. "Remember how many goals you scored? And you were really good at dribbling. I was very impressed". He looked up at this point and a little smile crept upon his face.

We went to the cinema afterwards as a reward for his efforts. "Marmaduke" was the movie of the morning, a live action (as opposed to the more common cartoon films we attend) film about a Great Dane dog who can talk. It was better than it sounds, although the doggy dancing bit at the end caused me to voluntarily bang my head off every solid surface within the vicinity

As so often, Luca has the appearance of someone who's been in a fight. This time it's been caused by an infection which has affected the bottom of his nose and upper lip. He's been prescribed an antibiotic cream by the doctors however which has already cleared much of it - I'm certain by the next time I take his picture there'll be no trace

And finally, Carole and I (and shaggy of course) visited "Strathburn School" this morning in preparation for August, when he'll begin Primary One. It's a frightening testament to how quickly time passes, albeit he will still be one of the youngest children at the school. Indeed, he'll still only be 4 when it begins. The tour was of interest, and the changes in schools child development is startlingly apparent from our generation. However, some things never change, and my nostrils caught the putrid smell of School Dinners being prepared as we passed the canteen. Overcooked custard, yum yum

I should, however, make mention of the fact that we are to visit the school again in May for one of their recent innovations. Luca, Carole and I will "enjoy" a school dinner together in order to assist in his school familiarisation. How does one prepare their stomach for such a harrowing event?

**Useless fact of the day - School dinners, on average, contain less than half the salt and sugar of a packed lunch**

The word "plethora" was created for this very purpose

Seven photo's. Ten video's. And a cricked neck for me as I sit uncomfortably awaiting their upload. I'm afraid the timeline of each of these images/video's is so skewed as to make an episode of "Lost" appear logical and well planned out, but onward nonetheless:-



I'm considering charging "Homebase" for the above as a publicity shot. Luca and I were searching for a bathroom suite, and came across the above much to Luca's obvious approval. Did we buy it? No, but we have chosen an alternative, with further details on a later blog, once work begins.






The man in red again, this time proudly showing off his big cockerel. A gratefully received present from Auntie Jane et al, and a "fnar fnar" opportunity for me.






Luca at Pittodrie, home of Aberdeen Football Club. This was his second ever senior game and a successful one to boot. A crushing 6-0 victory for Aberdeen brought plenty of opportunity for the boy to shout and sing.






Here's the build up to the third goal of the game. Luca enjoyed himself, albeit half-time providing him with his greatest thrill - the appearance of Angus the Bull, Aberdeen's mascot. "What's that? That's a funny cow!!!"





Occasionally his focus on the game was lost. "Can I have another bag of crisps Dad?" came a common request, as he kept a careful eye on my bag of "Walkers"




I can't remember when I took this. I do know it's outside Waterstone bookstore. It's not an interesting picture however, I'm sorry. I can't even think of a pithy comment to accompany it.

And here's David Beckham (Mark 2). Taken after Luca's first football training session, his sweaty and shaggy mop somehow even more unkempt than usual.

Onto the videos now, and as promised previously Luca shyly describes his first kiss......



And finally, in a video I'm certain will bring me chastisement, comes Luca's "toilet games". Peculiarly, he enjoys it when I tell him not to use the toilet. Why? I don't know, why is the moon made of cheese?

**Useless fact of the day - The moon isn't made of cheese**

Football crazy....

Many years ago (well, 4) a boy was born to an overjoyed couple. Said boy grew at an exponential rate, showing great aptitude that, by the year 2026, had resulted in him being considered the greatest footballer that had ever lived

Or not. Luca had his first official football training today, at Culter Sports Centre. It's being run by an organisation called "FootStars", and covers all age ranges from 3 upwards. We've signed him up for an entire block, with each class commencing at 9am on Sunday mornings.

Yes, no more Sunday lie-ins for me, or Luca for that matter. Still, he appeared fully awake as we arrived at the sports centre, and enjoyed every minute. The session was held in the main hall, and was high tempo, for both parents and children. Indeed, I regretted my decision to wear jeans.

Luca's general co-ordination isn't bad, and he can kick the ball quite accurately over distance. However, he appears to have inherited his fathers touch, and attempts to teach him to dribble the ball around cones was comical to say the least.

However, part of this is down to a lack of patience as well as technical aptitude. He understood the exercise, but simply preferred to blast the ball into the net from distance rather than dance around the cones first. "I don't need to do this Daddy" he commented upon noticing my head in my hands, "I can do a goal from a long way away!"

I'm afraid I don't have any pictures of video's this week. My home PC has died temporarily, so I'm typing this from the office. However, I'll update with the plethora of pictures and video's as soon as it's repaired. Of particular interest will be the video discussion with Luca, where he tells me the details of his first kiss......

**Useless fact of the day:- Website "Ehow" describes coaching young children to play football is "like watching a moving stampede"**

Phone bill schmone bill (03/01/11)

Has everyone voted for Carole yet? If not, please do so in order to ensure I'm able to return home from work to smiles and tasty dinners rather than scowls and leftovers over the coming month.

Speaking of work, despite the UK officially remaining on holiday until Wednesday 5th, much of my afternoon has been spent in front of the PC logged onto my work account, following innumerable requirements by foreign based customers and agents. As previously commented, I love my job sometimes.

Actually, I do normally like it. Is that weird? Are you supposed to enjoy rather than endure work? I feel a new poll topic coming on......

Today hasn't been an entire waste however. Earlier I took Luca out for a short sojourn, partly to purchase some necessities, but also to give his Mum some peace to clean and cook lunch for her friends (Gail) imminent visit. Luca, as is his wont, alternated wildly between huge displays of enthusiasm followed by sudden drops of energy. He's still a little unwell, albeit showing a little improvement.

I am wondering if it's a bug that affects his brain however. Curiously, over the last few weeks, he has begun to mistakenly call me "Mum" on occasion. What does this mean? Answers on a postcard please.

I'm purposely ignoring the obvious explanation, that he shares a similar mental capacity to his Granny Jo, who is notorious for getting names wrong. If there is a God, I may start praying - surely we can't be condemned with two of the same ilk?

I'm only joshing Mother

Our short forgetful boy enjoyed a long day yesterday, as Carole and I drove him to Aberdeen to enjoy/endure the New Year sales. While there, Carole took him to see "Animals Utd" at the cinema while I browsed the shops. Why didn't I go in with them? Firstly, because following a Christmas/New Year break primarily spent sitting down and eating, I was glad of the chance of a wander for a couple of hours.

And secondly because I'd seen the reviews to said movie........

We all met up again afterwards (just in time, as I'd found a bar in their absence and my first and only alcoholic beverage had give me a taste for it) and diversified the rest of the day between responsible shopping (purchasing storage containers and crockery) and ensuring Luca didn't break/steal too many items that would be noticed. Still, the main point of the day was met - little scruffy head was utterly exhausted by his efforts and ambled to bed early, allowing his Mum and I a little more free time than we're commonly used to.

We spent the remaining proportion of the evening watching "The Godfather Part 2" on TV, which followed our viewing of the original instalment the previous night (I think Part 3 is on tonight too). Unbelievably, for a movie buff such as myself, I've never seen this trilogy of movies, which have long been regarded as the greatest in cinema history.

And my reaction to the classic trilogy thus far? Is it heresay to suggest they're overly long and even perhaps even a little boring too?

At least Hogmanay wasn't as dull (I feel the God of moviedome will strike me down any second now). Although we neither went out, nor had people round this year, we at least had a little fun with it with an alcohol based pamper evening. I cooked (and we lived to tell the tale), and followed it up with copious supplies of Jack Daniels and Mojito's, all interspersed with relaxing baths and massages utilising some of the items I'd bought for Caroles Christmas - an electric massager (which looked like a futuristic shower head) and manual foot massager (which resembled an orange dog stool). All very amusing, and unbelievably the following day brought about a surprising lack of hangovers.

There is much else to tell but in the interim - Happy New Year

**Useless fact of the day - Massage is the oldest form of medical care. Egyptian temples show people being massaged**

Ladies and gentlemen please press your buzzer to vote for your favourite.....

Following work today, Luca accompanied me on a trip to the local supermarket to pick up provisions for Hogmanay. Whilst there we visited the cafe for Luca's tea, during which I picked up a copy of the "Evening Express" newspaper to peruse through while old shaggy head devoured his ham sandwich. My jaw, however, dropped upon hitting page 8. See image below:-

Too far away? OK, here it is in close up:-

Yep, that's our wedding picture again. Carole has (unbeknownst to us) been entered by the paper into their "Bride of the Week" contest. I rather think she's pleased....... So what happens now? Well, you have to vote of course, see below:-

And what's the prize? Well, nothing really, she'd then enter "Bride of the Year". But I think it may please her, which in turn would please me, and when I'm pleased I blog more, which means you'd then get more pictures of scruffy the toddler - everyone wins! So pick up your phone......

See link for details of the contest:- www.eveningexpress.co.uk/Article.aspx/1020714?UserKey=

Despite having to work on Hogmanay (boo), it's been a good day thus far. In addition to the surprise above, we've now had our new chandelier fitted in the living room, as captured below:-

Rather grand isn't it? It's certainly bright. Indeed, you know when you're under anaesthetic in the hospital, and being operated by that underqualified relief doctor from Slovenia? And he has his manual upside down and cuts the wrong bit, and you're drawn toward the blinding white light beyond the pearly gates? Our chandelier is like that, but brighter.

There's no real reason for the picture above, other than this blogs first picture of him as a 4 year old. He loved his birthday yesterday, despite temporarily departing for bed half way through! He's still struggling with illness at present and isn't quite 100% - but being the annoyingly bright child he is he has the tendancy to use it as a mean to manipulate a situation to meet his own ends.

I should end this entry now, as I must begin preparing Hogmanay dinner. It is, of course, a dish I've never previously attempted, so it could be terrific or terrible. Much like 2010 then (albeit more of the former), so rather apt.

Happy New Year from everyone from the Inverurie Stewart Clan, and I hope you enjoy the video below of Luca during his birthday celebrations yesterday.

**Useless fact of the day - January was named after the God "Janus", who has two faces which can simultaneously look backwards into the old year as well as toward the new one**