Friday 29th May 2009

It's an utterly beautiful morning thus far, the sun has been shining since before 7am with temperatures surely destined to reach 20 centigrade today.

And of course this weather falls on a working day. At present I'm glaring enviously out my office window at everyone walking through the industrial estate. Suit jackets/boiler suits/etc have all been unceremoniously discarded by almost all today, and I rather imagine every beer garden in the local vicinity will be crowded out at lunchtime. The general consensus from our smokers today when they come back in each time - god, how I envy them - generally amounts to "bloody hell, it's a hot one!"

All that said, even if I wasn't working today it's unlikely I'd be out there enjoying this unlikely weather. I've been struggling with a throat/chest bug all week and even left work early yesterday because of it. Although I'm back today it's certainly too soon - isn't it always?

I was due to be at a charity bowling night tonight, but obviously I'm crying off from that - and as such Carole and Liz's intended girly takeaway night will be interrupted. Ooops!

Yesterday the girls had a lazy day around the house and garden, their first since Liz arrived. Luca seemed quite content with this too, and even was happy to see his dad come home early from work. I was a little surprised by the attention he lavished on me (Grandma and Granny are both numero uno in his affections just now) but won't object. Although I did have to object just briefly after he followed me to bed, tucked himself under the covers with me and refused to let me sleep. "Daddy - read book, Daddy - read book, Daddy......."

Today they're off to Downies Farm to see the animals. Obviously it's perfect timing with the weather, and it'll be interesting to see what Luca makes of it all. Will there be photo's? That's dependant on whether Carole and Liz are organised, or whether Luca will distract them sufficiently so......

Tomorrow Liz catches her train home, which is a shame. She's great to have around, Carole loves seeing her mum, and Luca his Grandma. I do too, in particular for some of the fantastic dinners we've had - the fish pie is one Carole and I will try (and fail...) to make after she leaves.

It was also great seeing Kelly on Wednesday too - albeit rather briefly! It would have been nice to see Lucy too if she'd been online....

On Sunday Carole and I are going to Perth Races for the Gold Cup. I'll make sure we take a good few pictures, and I'll also buy you all a new car with our projected winnings.......

Speaking of new cars, I will get one very soon now. Despite Carole being keen to get me back on the road, I've been dragging my heels a little of late. In a peculiar way I've quite enjoyed taking the bus, as the stress of peaktime driving through heavy traffic has been removed, leaving me a more relaxed person. Obviously the downsides of walking miles per day (the buses go nowhere near my work) and increased hours away from home do grind though, and it would be difficult to continue long term. Obviously I'm a sucker for those joyous moments when I arrive home, kiss Carole and then try to kiss Luca too. "No Daddy, go away. No like you no more". The joys!

One last point before I sign off. Last night I woke around 10pm (after my man flu afternoon slumber) so came down and watched TV for a while. One of the programs I caught was one I'd been introduced to a couple of years ago by someone with impeccable taste - "Californication". I'd completely forgotten about it until I stumbled onto it. Has anyone else seen it? Terrific stuff, no holds barred.

**Useless fact of the day - The colder a room you sleep in, the more likely you are to have a bad dream**

Monday 25th May 2009

Another Monday Bank Holiday, yet another day spent in the office. Today is a little more justified as, despite England taking the day off again, it's a rather busy day thus far. Obviously overcomplicated by the fact my predominantly Scottish based clients need prices/consignments ASAP yet I can't make contact with many of the airlines/sealines/etc in order to do so, as they are based primarily in England. A frustrating and mostly futile day in essence.

Yesterday was better though. Although we awoke still reeling slightly from our Saturday night choice of movie ("Rachel Getting Married", a druggy opus essentially about the breakdown of a family after the death of a toddler), the sun shone brightly through the curtains promising a pleasant day, which didn't disappoint. After running the dogs out (a far more pleasant experience than in the height of a Scottish winter) Carole, Luca and I made our way into Aberdeen. We dropped Carole off at the gym and went to Tesco to pick up ingredients for yet another experimental dinner dish to be prepared by me. Luca was fun as always, although he becomes evermore frustrated having to spend the majority of the time sat in the trolley. Although it's a different matter at quiet times, when going to the shops during peak hours it's not advisable to let Luca run free! Indeed this theory was proven as, toward the end of our shop I let him down to walk with me. Unfortunately, although I knew exactly where he was, at one point (due to the number of people in the aisle) he lost sight of me, panicked and started crying "Daddy, Daddy". I had to quickly run to him and pick him up, before spending the next five minutes with his crumpled face buried in my shoulder. He's hugely independent these days, although moments such as this remind you that he is still a little puddin' who needs you for, well, everything.

After finishing and picking Carole up again, Luca and she made their way home while I headed for Pittodrie for Aberdeen's penultimate game of the season against Hibernian, a game which would decide whether we qualified for European competition or not. Thankfully we were successful, with the added bonus that our "bawheid" of a manager was given the push on the same day!

Feeling sorry for him? He was on (allegedly) quarter of a million pounds a year, and will get a nice, fat payoff of about another years pay, and will likely have a new job within weeks. Reckon any of the Woolworths, Post Office, GAP, etc workers who've been laid off during the recession will have received anything like that?

After the game I had the time consuming prospect of catching a bus back to Inverurie from Aberdeen city centre, a unique experience. I think the driver purposely drove us through the roughest areas of Aberdeen simply to make the point that "with no car you're one of the scum now son!"

I got home and cracked on with the list of jobs to be done, as Liz was arriving up from Lincoln that same evening and our house had that familiar "lazy weekend" look to it. Carole had cleared the worst of it, and made her way (with Luca) into Aberdeen early evening to bring her up from the train station. Luca was obviously delighted to see Grandma, and even as they returned home gave me a disdainful look before pushing me away and saying "No Daddy, go away, Grandma help".

As such, I continued with my experimental venison dish while Grandma and Grandson became reacquainted. It turned out OK, although the excessive and copious volumes of red wine and hot curry powder I'd "liberally" added during cooking caused many an involuntary burp and fart from Carole and myself as the evening commenced. I would say Liz was taken aback by such crude noises, but due to the fact we'd been pouring alcohol down her neck since she arrived likely meant she didn't even notice......

As the weather is good again today, Carole and Liz are likely making the most of it outside with Luca - fingers crossed by tonight I'll be able to provide many a (blurry) photograph.

**Useless fact of the day - 81 of the Fortune 500 or 16% currently write regular blogs. This compares with 39 percent of the Inc. 500; 41 percent of the higher education sector and 57 percent of the nation’s Top 200 charities**

Saturday 23rd May 2009

I have five photo's posted today - count 'em! Surely a personal record, especially considering that our "Sky Broadband's" upload capacity is surely powered mainly by arthritic slugs. All pictures were taken today, although the abject failure by me to produce many of even reasonable quality is causing me concern. As such, if there are any "techies" out there who want to recommend a new digital camera for purchasing please feel free......

Our first image was taken minutes after Carole drove off to Bannatynes for her fitness class. Luca and I decided staying at home eating chocolate while watching cartoons was a treat that could wait for later, and as such pulled our boots on and ventured into the great unknown. Or Bainzie Road as it's more commonly referred to.

Initially Luca wanted to take his new Peppa Pig bike (as per picture) but being the contentious, awkward and unpredictable little sod he is (takes after his father) he decided "no more bike - put it back daddy" upon reaching no farther than our streets end. As such, with shopping duties to be performed and the nearest major shop being almost a mile away, I was forced to rely upon his little stubbie legs lasting the journey.

They didn't.

By the time we'd reached the council bus depot, nary 800 yards from home his whines that he "need carried now" were becoming more irritating than an ITV phone in poll. However, the second he spotted the buses he gained a second wind and took off toward them, as seen below:-

For some reason outwith our understanding, he loves buses, and dragging him away takes some persuasion. However, we eventually set off, but not before Luca very kindly - and this is a rare occurrence - posed for a picture.

From here we made our way to the supermarket (Luca enjoying the view from my arms while I traipsed along, sweating like a fat lad in a sauna) to pick up Venison for dinner, amongst other things. Luca was a great help as always, although strangely mostly around the crisp and chocolate aisles......

After departing for our next destination, we stopped off briefly for a seat to allow Luca to enjoy his crisps. However, he eating pace is so slow as to make sloths blush, so we eventually had to start walking again. Although as you can see Luca wasn't too impressed with this:-

Our next port was the bank, but it turned out to be closed on Saturday - they joys of not living in the city anymore. Alternatively we went to the library where too much time was wasted. There's a huge children's section on the upper floor, which encompasses books, dvd's, ladybird bean bags and a child size sofa. This was like mecca to Luca who proceeded to work his way through most of the available literature, although disappointingly he was most impressed with the types of books I thought he'd grown out of over a year ago.

By now it was lunchtime and he was starting to weary somewhat, and as such we made our way to the nearest bus stop - no way was I going to manage carrying Luca, three bags of shopping and one bag of books back home! Unfortunately I now wish I had attempted it as I succumbed to a touch of "pavement rage", if such a thing exists. We were crossing a side street (which essentially doubles as a car park) and crossed behind a stationary car. However, for reasons known only to himself the driver proceeded to reverse as we passed behind him. For some strange reason I leaned my body into the back of his car as he came for us, while simultaneously swinging Luca by the hand (he was on the far side) round back toward the pavement. I only got a knock in the thigh thankfully, and Luca was absolutely fine, but I then proceeded to injure my foot afterwards as I kicked (and dented - whoops) the car in fury while roaring at the occupants as they cowered within.

And Luca? He was killing himself with laughter. Was it because he enjoyed being swung 180 degree's with one arm, or was he laughing at my (most likely ridiculous appearing) rage? Or both? Who knows, but all I could feel as hugged him was his entire body vibrating with a fit of the giggles! He most certainly is the antithesis of my increasingly crotchety, grumpy old man persona.

The bus thankfully arrived shortly after, which was Luca's favourite event of the day. Literally immediately after stepping on he shook his hand out of my own and ran toward the back of the bus, emanating a smile brighter than Venus in the dawn light. After paying I joined him, by which point he was already seated, and he patted the seat beside him. "Sit here daddy, now"

It was a local bus, so we completed two circuits of the town before disembarking and walking the final leg home. With Luca demanding to be carried, natch.

He's in bed now, more tired than I've seen him in quite some time. I think Carole and I may have a very quiet day from here on in!

**Useless fact of the day - Baby P's mother, although jailed indefinitely, will likely be released in three years**

Thursday 21st May 2009

Firstly a belated Happy Birthday to Kelly. I sent her a text last night which wasn't replied to until this morning, the response only coming through as a rather sheepish sounding "had a great night but have a hangover now...."

While Kelly was likely drinking Cornwall dry of Scrumpy Jacks, a slightly more sedate evening was occurring in Inverurie-shire. Carole had her Wednesday class, so I found Mum babysitting her grandson when I arrived home from work. Despite the lateness of my arrival (well after 7pm due to a brief shop stop off on route), Luca still hadn't eaten any tea. His Grannie's insistance that he just wan't hungry rather fell on deaf ears, as I'm well aware how much she loses track of time when playing with her favourite short person (Ronnie Corbett exempted)!

Indeed, he seemed rather ravenous as I shovelled food down his throat!

He loves his Gran to bits though, and wasn't remotely impressed by my arrival home. "No Daddy" was the first thing he said to me as I walked into the house expecting (forlornly) to be greeted by an affectionate toddler. He warmed slightly as the food came out - especially surprisingly enjoying his first experience of 85% dark chocolate - and gave me his perfunctory kiss and cuddle (it's like a duty he performs rather than any great show of affection) before toddling up to bed with Gran.

Only about an hour later than he should......

Carole arrived home shortly after, and chatted to Mum for awhile while I cooked a bean risotto for tea. Mum didn't want to stay for tea, which worried me slightly as she looked at the frying pan before she answered, but it turned out pretty well despite me (as normal) using the recipe I'd printed from the internet as a vague guideline rather than a set list of instructions.

Later (after eating, cleaning, washing, dog walking, etc) we watched "The Apprentice" - which was the first time we'd caught it on BBC (rather than at a later date on the I-Player) since the season commenced. It was good, but we were rather perplexed with the decision to fire Ben, who appeared to have done little wrong other than growing a rather curious bum fluffy bit of stubble under his chin (s)

Yes, pots, kettles and all that.

**Conspiracy Theory of the Day - The earth is flat, and the government is keeping this from us. Why, I'm really not sure of. Do we hear barrels being scraped?**

Tuesday 19th May 2009

It's been a real grind of a day in the office today and my eyes are only being held open with matchsticks. Previously I would have nipped outside for a smoke to wake myself up, but with it now being 7 or 8 months since I stopped I have to find other methods of staying alert - and other than the copious amounts of coffee I consume daily within the dispiriting white lights and four thin plasterboard walls of the modern office, taking 5 minutes to write my blog is the only thing that keeps me sane.......

All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.......

Not much to report I'm afraid though. Yesterday was an atypical Monday, involving the usual struggle out of bed to face the start of the week, chasing dogs round the park at 6am trying to get them to poo so you're not faced with a "warm brown surprise" on arrival home at night and too much work alongside colleagues who are clearly inept and do nowhere near as much as you.

Obviously 90% of the world population thinks in a similar manner - what a peculiar human characteristic it is. Makes you wonder, is anyone right or are we just as useless as one another?

Speaking of work, I've a 3-5 day managerial course coming up. Sounds about as much fun as a Boyzone/Lionel Richie duet, and seems designed mainly to ensure I have a horrendous backlog to deal with on my return.

I got home around 7pm last night (feet still burning from the excessive walking as routine) to find Luca playing up for his Mum. When you ask him to do something - anything - just now his answer is invariably "No". He doesn't even think about it now. Unless the question involves the word "Chocolate"

I took Carole's car to the supermarket just before he went to bed to pick up essentials for the evening, before "creating" another dinner for Carole and I (albeit based mainly on leftovers). The cooking thing is popular with me right now, and my strike rate of edible dishes is probably pushing past the 25% mark now, so progress is being made!

This morning was a little fraught, with Luca having one of his bad mornings. He was in floods of tears and having fits after being woken, and I have to admit a touch of selfish relief passing over when I left to catch my bus, leaving Carole to deal with the spawn of Asmodai.

I'm leaving the office shortly, with an intended detour via the gym before home. I'm still not back into routine yet, but I'll get there. Perhaps Carole and I should use the "Wii Fit" at home together to increase our fitness? Though as our living room faces out onto our street I'm not overly keen on being the source of our neighbours entertainment.

What's coming up? Quiet week planned (so far), but Liz will arrive up for a weeks visit on Sunday, Kelly and Craig will arrive in the area a few days after, which will then be followed on Sunday with a trip to the Gold Cup at Perth Races for Carole and I.

Which depending on the success of our bets will decide the quality of my new car.....

**Conspiracy Theory/Useless Fact of the Day - The Mongolian Death Worm - The little seen death worm is so feared among the people of Mongolia that many consider the mere mention of its name bad luck. It is attributed with the dramatic ability to kill people and animals instantly at a range of several feet. It is even believed that the worm sprays an immensely lethal poison; a sort of acidic liquid that immediately makes anything it touches turn yellow and corroded. The nomads also said that the color yellow attracts the Allghoi khorkhoi. The analogy with the basilick (cockatrix) is strong as this creature has also the power to kill instantaneously anyone who tries to observe it**

Sunday 17th May 2009

Before you even consider watching this video, make sure you turn the sound right up. Luca was wholly unaware of Carole and my presence, and his hushed voice is possibly indicative of a desire to have a little private time - surely evidence of his (worryingly) rapid progression across the last six months, completely contrary to his previous need for constant attention?

Apologies again for the rather rushed ending to yesterdays blog. As advised, this was due to my (attempted) culinary concoction threatening to set off every fire alarm within the local vicinity. In the end it turned out OK (it was vegetarian Goan curry), although the over-large pieces of ginger caused rather too many winces and tears.

That said, the peculiar expressions crossing Carole (and my) face while eating may also have had something to do with our choice of Saturday night movie - Eagle Eye. A conspiracy theory led thriller surely aimed at those with IQ's in double figures. Actually, it wasn't terrible, merely ridiculous. Though that, in effect, still leaves you wondering whether the previous 90 minutes had been worth enduring.

Due to my ever reducing memory (seriously, I worry about this!), I'm struggling to recollect what else we did yesterday that I didn't have time to describe. Other than Carole encouraging me to continue to avoid shaving my head - after a week (it's been a busy week) of lack of razors my head resembles a golf course fairway at the start of spring. Albeit slightly browner obviously. And a little "bum fluffier". With some flecks of grey I'm pretending to not see.

Today has been a bit of a waste though. I slept in until 11am today, which is absolutely unheard of. Carole decided to let me sleep rather than wake me in order for her to make her fitness class, for which I feel hugely guilty! As such (despite her protestations of not being worried) I've cleaned out her car, did the gardening (OK, I would have done this anyway....) and agreed to cook dinner again tonight. Tonight concoction will be another untried recipe, "Banana and Chicken Curry". Sounds like a stomach cramp waiting to happen but there you go.

**Conspiracy Theory of the Day - World governments are slowly attempting to ban smoking not due to it's health consequences, but down to the fact that there are chemicals within tobacco that cause free thinking**

Saturday 16th May 2009

Apologies in advance for the haphazard and mainly illegible nature of today's blog, I'm listening to the Nirvana compilation album ("Sliver" - all unreleased tracks or demo's) as I type, and it is surely the most distracting body of music I've listened to in quite some time - intriguing, yet with quality varying hugely throughout.

Utterly irrelevant musical reviews notwithstanding, the weekend has thus far been reasonable, despite the appalling weather. It started last night with a poker night for Carole (she came home £5 down despite having previously worked at a casino - I guess the house doesn't always win......) while I stayed home with Luca. He went to sleep early (after yelling "go away daddy" as I tried to read him his night time story), so I was left with the slightly disconcerting experience of having the house to myself for the evening. I wasn't sure what to do with it, so spent it eating too much junk food and downloading music (albums by M.Ward and Propagandhi) before collapsing into bed regretting the fifth bowl of home made uncooked flapjack I'd just eaten.

Don't ask.

Today we were woken with a start - the scrap yard turned up earlier than expected to pick up my car. It was actually quite sad to see it go, and a reminder that I am now officially one of those poor and dirty people who catch buses. Honestly, we're like lepers, and the looks we get at traffic lights by fat men in Skoda Estates would turn a Chablis Grand Cru Bougros to Blue Nun......

We went into Aberdeen not long afterwards to drop Carole at her fitness class, while Luca and I went to the library (scenes of commotion within are now classified as a formality). We got back sightly early to pick Carole up, and while we waited Luca noticed my mobile phone. "Ta" he said, before holding it up and shouting "Phone Grandad!". So we did, and a rather perplexed Granda Ian agreed to speak to the little one. He (Luca, no idea about Dad!) loved it and smiled throughout while holding the phone to his ear and just saying "Yes" every now and then. Eventually I had to wrestle the phone off him before his Grandparents on the other end of the line lost the will!

I'm going to have to cut this short as I'm presently burning our tea! Indeed, I don't even have time for a useless fact! Sorry! Part two tomorrow!

Thursday 14th May 2009

Happy Birthday to Craig! Our present of a big box of horlicks is on route to you now. Have a good one! In your honour today's conspiracy theory is space related....

**Conspiracy Theory of the Day - Does our solar system contain a giant, unnamed planet? It does, according to the Planet X theory. This theory says that our solar system has a 10th planet (if you count Pluto as a planet, otherwise the mystery planet is no. 9). The planet is supposed to be enormous and on an orbital path that will bring it close to Earth soon. Proponents of this theory cite earthquake and weather data as evidence of this planet’s growing influence on Earth. They also claim that the government is forcing observatories to close to keep the planet’s approach secret and prevent panic**

Wednesday 13th April 2009

An intriguing day came to pass yesterday in a work sense - I'll describe in more detail in a future post but suffice to say it's not advisable to lie in a job interview....

I'm not talking about myself before the theories start being built!

I took Caroles toy (her beamer) to work with me yesterday, as I was going to the Aberdeen football game with Dad at the end of the day. Having gone without transport for a couple of months now, the walking/busing (bussing? Or am I making up words again?) is proving to be a dirge now, made increasingly irritating by my twisted ankle.

I'll interject here to briefly explain the ankle - suffice to say it's not advisable for men in their mid thirties to hurdle 5 foot fences without first checking to see how far down the drop is on the other side....

Back to the initial point, I met Dad after work, and we headed for a quick dinner before the footy - the Bison (!) and Lamb burgers were good, but the beer was a bit off. The game itself was tremendous entertainment too, despite the result (a disappointingly common story when it comes to the Dons), but the journey home was terrible, around an hour and a half to cover distances we should have been able to meet in a third of that time. Perhaps the "weirdy greenies" are right, and we all need to start leaving our cars at home and fully embrace the more ecologically sound public transport system, as well as cutting congestion?

Just thought about that for around 2 seconds. Nope

Guthrie and Fergus were round when I got home (Carole had cooked fajita's for Guthrie's birthday), so after the predicted ribbing over the result (and keeping an eye on Guthrie to ensure he didn't pinch Sima...) they braced the late night weather to walk the whole 400 yards home. Carole later told me - after I'd gorged on the remnants of the chocolate birthday cake - that Luca had put on a bit of a show for our guests, which I'm sorry I missed. He's becoming a bit of an entertainer these days, and long may it continue. At least until he gets his Partick Thistle contract that is.

After a disappointingly short sleep - I had to stay up waiting for my favourite work shirt to dry in the tumble dryer (big meeting at work today) - I got up quietly first thing and ran the dogs out. Wednesdays are Carole's day off, so I was trying to make sure neither she nor Luca woke with me. I'm up at 6am, so it wouldn't really be fair! However, on my return from the walk I heard a cacophony of noise coming from our bedroom. On investigation I found Luca lying in my side of the bed alongside his mum - and he greeted me with the immortal words "Hallo Gary!"

I almost dropped to my knee's there and then, and he delighted in my obvious shock at him using my name - unprompted - again. "Daddy" we shouted at him. "No", he giggled back, "Gary!"

**Conspiracy theory of the day - Jewish world domination - This theory, in recent history, extends mainly from the booklet The Protocols of the Elders of Zion, which are widely considered to be the beginning of contemporary conspiracy theory literature. The Protocols are considered by some to be an anti-Jewish literary forgery that purports to describe a Jewish plot to achieve world domination. Numerous independent investigations have repeatedly proven it to be a plagiarism and a hoax, yet numerous independent investigations have shown it to be a factual document.
The text was popularized by those opposed to Russian revolutionary movement, and was disseminated further after the revolution of 1905, becoming known worldwide after the 1917 October Revolution. It was widely circulated in the West in 1920 and thereafter. The Great Depression and the rise of Nazism were important developments in the history of the Protocols**

Monday 11th May 2009

I've just arrived into work to discover the news that Asco's (the company I work for) CEO - Billy Allan - is a fellow Partick Thistle fan, and furthermore he was elected to Thistles board of directors on Friday! I actually met him properly only a fortnight ago, and had a 15 minute chat with him without once bringing up the subject of football! I'm now rather annoyed with myself (and surprised - when have I ever had a 15 minute conversation with anybody without mentioning football?) as had I brought it up it may possibly have led to keeping contact with someone who is now working in the secretive innards of Firhill. To use an overused phrase, "c'est la vie".....

That aside, and ignoring the sunshine beaming through my office window tempting me into an early finish today, we're just off the back off a busy(ish) weekend. On Friday Carole and I dropped Luca at his grandparents before driving into Aberdeen to watch the new "Star Trek" movie at the harbour cinema. After traversing through crowds of uber-geeks (a group of whom dressed as fat Captain Kirks etc) who were handing out flyer's to join their "trekkie" fan clubs, we made it to our seats far too early. Due to this Carole downed her nachos before the previews had even started, and as such an impasse started where she was sneakily eyeing my pick-n-mix. This is obviously dangerous territory as my pick-n-mix is sacred during cinema visits. A battle ensued, dwarfing anything shown on the screen, with an honourable draw announced as I kept the majority while Carole obtained my chocolate crispy bites.

We also found time to watch some of the movie, which was "terrific" (me) or "very good," (Carole)

On Saturday - after a long lie by our standard - we set sail for Banchory to pick up the wee one. It was supposed to be a running visit (as we had to go to Aberdeen straight afterwards for Carole's fitness class) but Luca had other ideas. When I arrived I found him tucked up in his Gran and Granda's bed, naturally on his Granda's side. It took some effort to get him out of there, but he came after a struggle, albeit unwillingly and still draped in his Gran's necklaces!

As time was now tight we raced into Aberdeen to drop Carole off before going to the supermarket. After we dropped her off I turned to Luca and said "Shall we go to the shops now?". "No" he replied, "Sit on Granny's knee". "Do you miss Granny?" I asked. "Yes" he countered, "Miss Granny"

After shopping (and picking Carole up again) we went home, got Luca to bed and got everything ready for our dinner that evening. We had Donald, Luisa and Ed coming over (Ed for the first time since we moved to Inverurie), so there was a lot of cooking and cleaning to get through. They arrived early that evening , but thankfully we were pretty much there - apart from Luca having just emptied nigh on his entire toy collection across the living room.

Don and Luisa were particularly impressed with his vocabulary (it's been months since they saw him), in particular "antelope" - cow and sheep they expected, but his knowledge of types of animals is exemplary!

On Sunday (thankfully mostly hangover free) we took the car into Aberdeen again for another class for Carole. This time Luca and I spent our time in a comic shop, although we had to cut this rather short as he still prefers ripping comics to reading them..... We also took a brief run into a supermarket where Luca's day was made by an assistant there giving him a free Easter Egg!

The rest of the day was spent watching the footy on TV (which Carole and I snoozed through most of!), cooking, playing with Luca and washing the car - is that not the most predictable family Sunday you can envisage? It was finished off by another movie at night, "Splinter", a horror movie which split us down the middle -"Riveting" (me) and "Meh" (Carole)

**Conspiracy theory of the day - Paul McCartney is Dead -
Ignoring the millions to be made in merchandise if this were true, ex-Beatle Paul McCartney is dead but his demise has been covered up by the media, the music industry and his family and friends. A lot of people to hush up for no reason. He died in 1966 in a car-crash and was replaced by a convenient look-alike and sound-alike (which are surprisingly easy to come by)**

Friday 8th May 2009

Just a quick blog today, to say Happy Birthday to our little nephew Braeden - although not so little now! Have a great day big man!

Thursday 7th May 2009

I have vowed this many times before, but today I'm making a pact (again) to never eat my lunch at my desk. My phone hasn't stopped ringing, and people have been running in to see me every two minutes for things that JUST CAN'T WAIT!

I love my job. No honestly, really I do.

Actually, it's not too bad, just having to do a bit too much managing for my liking this week.

I came home to a - temporarily - empty house last night. Carole was at her class while Luca was with his Gran. The latter two, however, arrived within minutes of my return home. Luca was in chirpy mode (he normally is after being with his Granny) and for once insisted on his Dad doing the nighttime bottle/wash/story thing. Very rare, as I'm perennially persona non grata when Gran is around! However, due to the infrequency in which he's seen me this week (using buses for commuting adds an extra hour or two to the working day) he maybe decided he hadn't teased his old Dad enough lately.

Speaking of which (though not strictly speaking teasing), Carole told me that Luca was in "exuberant" mode the other day. Yes, "exuberant" is in inverted comma's for a reason. For reasons known only to himself, he literally (from a sedate stationary position) thew his whole body at his Mum, using his book as weapon! Did that go down well? With Carole involved? You decide....

And while on the subject of curious sights, I don't think Mum noticed me watching her play with Sima in the back garden last night. Sima is a Jack Russell, a breed which naturally bounce up and down when excited. This clearly was entertaining Mum greatly, as she stood in front of the mini dog and attempted to replicate her. Yes, a (almost) 60 year old woman was bouncing up and down in our back garden last night like a loon. What will the neighbours think....

I cooked tea again last night. Kind of. It was fish and potatoes which had already been prepared and were sitting in the pot and pan just needing the heat switched on. But it's all down to how well you switch the heat on, so I will claim this successful dish as my own. I had it ready perfectly in time for Carole coming home, and we ate it in front of the (brilliant) Champions League Semi Final on TV. Carole's enthusiasm for the sport is gradually creeping up on my own, so I've decided to get her a season ticket for Partick Thistle for her birthday. I'm sure it will be popular.

Tonight I'm heading straight from the office into town, to meet up with a couple of the boys before setting off for Dundee. In our wisdom (!) we've decided it a good idea to head down for Aberdeen's vital (football) match which will determine whether or not we'll qualify for a place in Europe next season. Highly doubtful, and the likely time I'll get home to Inverurie (after midnight) surely makes tonight a foolhardy decision.

**Conspiracy Theory Of The Day - The Nazis had a Moon Base - Esoteric Hitlerists and conspiracy theorists interested in Nazi mysticism and World War II have speculated that the Germans landed on the Moon as early as 1942.According to other theories it is believed that the Nazis had made contact with 'half a dozen' alien races, including the malevolent Reptilians**

Despite having previously thought I had, I'm afraid I don't have any pictures or videos of Luca atop his new "Peppa Pig" tricycle. However, I'll rectify this is the next day or so, so you too can witness the wanton carnage and destruction he is causing to our house.

You'll have to make do with the alternate video featured above, showing Luca watch himself on the computer. He is fully aware that he's watching himself, yet how much he is able to process is, as yet, difficult to gauge. I guess as his communication improves he'll let us know....

A more normal working day today after the curious calm of holiday Monday, which encompassed me trying to organise the few staff who were in (badly) while also trying to catch up with a personal backlog (again, failing badly). So, a day like any other then! The added bonus was the torrential rain while soaked me through both on my way to and from work. A pleasure.

After catching a brief glimpse of an alternately whiney and affectionate Luca before his bed tonight, I cooked tea for Carole and I (a minor disaster, the "golden" run is over) before watching the Champions League Semi Final - which after the crushing victory for Utd happily completed a haphazard day.

Finally, Craigs blog, the 10ft basking shark - fantastic, I bet that cured any constipation for a while....

**Conspiracy Theory Of The Day - Kentucky Fried Chicken is owned by the KKK - Legend has it that Colonel Sanders wrote a will that went into effect after his death in 1980, and that one of the clauses in this document was a demand that 10% of KFC’s profits be turned over to the Ku Klux Klan. Others go right to the source, and claim that the current owners of KFC are a secret front for the Klan itself, and so that (largely defunct) racist organization gets a majority share of the profits. There have also been rumours that certain ingredients in the famous KFC recipe are designed to make black men impotent....**

Monday 4th May 2009

Today's blog is brought to you by our proud sponsors at "I'm so bored I'm going to cry"

It's 4.30pm on a Monday public holiday, and again I've been daft enough to come in and work the day, rather than being sensible and just taking it off as a holiday. I have a curious holiday arrangement at Asco where I don't get any of the UK or local public holidays, but have these days added to my annual accrual. As such, I get about 30 - 35 days off per year. A decent haul, and certainly substantial enough that I shouldn't be sitting here like the buffoon that I am.

Although I'm certain Carole has enjoyed the peace and quiet in a house exempt of any lifeforms of the masculine variety.....

We're just off the back of a very quiet weekend. Early Saturday has already been described in my previous blog, and since then there hasn't been a great deal of activity. On Saturday night we watched the movie "Role Models" - terrifically funny yet reduced it's effectiveness with an ending that was as generic and predictable as they come.

On Sunday - after Luca woke us with early with his usual morning chat to himself - we opted for an active morning. I took an early trip to the gym and was glad to find a little of my old enthusiasm had returned. I was worried as I've barely been able to work up the enthusiasm for a year or two, but after this I hope to work up to a reasonable regularity. We followed this with another class for Carole, so by the time lunch came we were both hobbling about like extras from a zombie flick.

We also found time to buy Luca his first proper tricycle - decorated with Peppa Pig stickers, natch. He initially showed a little trepidation toward the pedals, but overall he loved it and has had his perma nappied bottom attached to it's seat since. It also has a removable parent bar attached to the back to help steer and push him initially, as Lance Armstrong has little yet to fear.

We watched another movie on Sunday night, "Definitely, Maybe", another comedy. Not quite as good as Saturdays movie as it sagged as badly in the middle as Mum and Dad's sofa, but it redeemed itself at the end with a clever, albeit horrendously slushy twist.

We have a few things coming up, as well as various social engagements (although none quite as posh as "Why Monsieur Ambassador, with these Ferrero Rochers' you are spoiling us") we're going to Perth for the Gold Cup, T in the Park (dependant on dates) and a comic exhibition at the Southbank Centre.

Yeah, I hadn't got round to telling Carole about the latter.......

**Conspiracy Theory of the Day - Apparently reptilian aliens walk among us, erect and appear to be human, living not only on the planets they come from, but also in caverns and tunnels under the earth. They have cross-bred with humans, which has created "hybrids" who are "possessed" by the full-blooded reptilians. The reptiles' hybrid reptilian-human DNA allows them to change from reptilian to human form if they consume human blood. The reptilian group includes many prominent people and practically every world leader from Britain's late Queen Mother to George H.W. Bush, Hillary Clinton, Harold Wilson, and Tony Blair. These people are either themselves reptilian, or work for the reptiles as slave-like victims of multiple personality disorder**

Saturday 2nd May 2009

Luca and I have only recently returned home from a day in Aberdeen, where I took photo's of him at the pet shop, the car, supermarket and outside the cinema. Yet not in one did he smile! Indeed he was scowling in all bar one.

Perhaps he thought he was having a bad hair day?

As the photo's above demonstrate, it's only since returning home that he's deigned to curl up the corners of his mouth when faced with the camera's stare. He's not a great fan of sitting atop his dad's shoulders, so please bear in mind the laughter he shows here is partly nervous - he was screeching so high only Sima, Isis and the local bat population were able to hear.

I hope I haven't given the impression he was impossible company whilst out - as usual he was a scream, and is turning into our resident comedian. It's a sign of his growing up that he often reacts with the intention of making us laugh, and is surprisingly clever at doing so.

An example would be today in the supermarket, where he picked a packet of jelly off the shelf when I was looking the other way, and refused to give it back when I noticed. When I crouched down to yank it out his hands he grabbed the sides of my head and blew a raspberry on my forehead!

We'd initially gone through to Aberdeen this morning with Carole to drop her off at the gym (she was going straight to lunch after), and have had an exceptionally busy time since. As briefly mentioned before, we went to the library, the pet shop (I'm considering getting a fish tank such is his fascination with these mindless aquatic explorers), the supermarket and the cinema. The latter visitation was with the vague idea to take him to a movie for the first time in his life, but both film timings and Luca's need to get home for (late) lunch and nap kiboshed this idea. A shame, but with summer approaching and a surplus of animated features due to be screened I will keep this idea in mind. Though if he makes it 20 minutes into the film without getting bored then I'll be more shocked than the bloke in "The Crying Game" was.......

Luca is now asleep, and Caroles home now too - sober I must surprisingly add - so I'm taking this time to sort out a film for tonight (It's either going to be a horror called "Splinter" or a comedy called "Role Models"). I also have vague intentions of cooking (!) although I don't think Carole will be too enthused with the idea of her Sunday being ruined with stomach cramps and nausea.

**Conspiracy Theory Of The Day - Global warming is hokum:-The suggestion of a conspiracy to promote the theory of global warming was put forward in a 1990 documentary The Greenhouse Conspiracy broadcast by Channel Four in the United Kingdom on 12 August 1990, as part of the Equinox series, which asserted that scientists critical of global warming theory were denied funding.
William Gray, phD (a pioneer in the science of hurricane forecasting) has made a list of 15 reasons for the global warming hysteria. The list includes the need to come up with an enemy after the end of the Cold War, and the desire among scientists, government leaders and environmentalists to find a political cause that would enable them to ‘organize, propagandize, force conformity and exercise political influence. Big world government could best lead (and control) us to a better world!’ In this article, Gray also cites the ascendancy of Al Gore to the vice presidency as the start of his problems with federal funding. According to him, the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration stopped giving him research grants, and so did NASA**

Friday 1st May 2009

Friday has arrived at last, and as I've been infected with Swine Flu I'm glad today is the last working day of the week.

Obviously, I don't have Swine Flu. I have a cold, but with the media yet again whipping the country into a unnecessary panic with sensationalised headlines and manipulative statistics we all think that our latest sniffle will kill us. Then again, if they didn't then they wouldn't increase their numbers, sell pharmaceutical companies drugs (who advertise in their newspapers/TV stations/etc) or feed the worlds biggest cash cow - the World Health Organisation.

Anyway - as long as you're still able to read and haven't been rendered blind by this "pandemic" (yeah right) - I'm not the only one in our household to be a little snotty just now, Luca's coughing last night sounded very familiar to my 1992 - 2008 20-a-day smoking habit. Rough and rasp, though he seems perfectly well within himself. He's actually been very affectionate lately, although when I called home last night while waiting for a bus (yep, still no car) Carole had that "serial killer stuck in a lift with an ageing and flatulent cow" tone of voice which suggested - nay insisted - that I wasn't indeed his father, but that she'd had relations with Lucifer himself to produce such a monster.

Which brings me onto another matter - "Spawn". As in "Spawn of the Devil" would have been a terrific name for Sima had I thought of it at the time.

Which - of course coincidentally - leads us onto the subject of the little chubby Jack Russell. Sima has proven an unpopular housemate this week, having chewed through TWO telephone cables! Thankfully we're back connected again as of lunchtime today, but the wee scurrilous beastie will be under observation for the foreseeable.....

Tomorrow it's boys day again. Carole is having her girls lunch in Aberdeen - at "The Nargile", a Turkish restaurant - so we'll drop her off before finding ways to amuse ourselves. Will there be chocolate, chaos and disorder involved in our planned activities? Perhaps.

Actually, far less entertainingly, we'll be going to the library, the park and perhaps a couple of independent music shops too. Thereafter we need to find a child friendly pub which is showing the Manchester Utd or Aberdeen games on their big screen. Luca has taken a surprising interest in the same, so toddler temperament permitting he'll hopefully sit with me and watch and least a proportion of the game. Photo's will be taken, so check the blog tomorrow.

Finally, I've tired a little of "Useless Facts" and so for a limited period only this will be replaced with "Conspiracy Theory of the day"

PS - Like my fellow bloggers I have attempted to gain an interest in Facebook lately. I can't, I'm sorry, it's really dull......

**Conspiracy Theory Of The Day** - The Philadelphia Experiment. Conspiracy theorists believe that during an experiment at the Philadelphia Naval Shipyard in October 1943, the US Navy destroyer Eldridge was rendered invisible. According to some accounts, the scientists on the experiment found a way to bend light around an object but that the experiment went wrong and Eldridge was transported through space and time, reappearing at sea. Several sailors, it is said, were badly hurt when the experiment went wrong and some were melded into the ship's superstructure. The US Navy has denied that the experiment ever took place**