Monday 29th June 2009

Unquestionably I had to post this picture. I stumbled across the aforementioned website - befunky.com - whilst arbitrarily browsing the web. I'm certain you've already determined the purpose of the site, which creates cartoons of any digital photograph, and rather impressively so as well. Indeed, I may have to print this one off and frame it. The website also offers a selection of options for manipulating your photo. but some results aren't quite as impressive, as follows:-



This is, supposedly, a stencil drawing of our family photo in Tenerife. C'est bien? Mais non monsieur, c'est tres, tres merde!



OK, they're just getting worse now. I'll stop while I still have at least a 33% success rate. Intriguing application nonetheless!

Perhaps I should have left Fridays blog as the conclusive end point to the hundreds of posts entered over the past couple of years? Is there a time line to such a format? Will it be superseded by something else, such as "Twitter"? Or is this some form of purgatory with the punishment being to continue for another 13.5 years?

In 13.5 years he'll be 16, hence the blogs proposed natural end.

Another reason for ending the continual punishment of my fingertips on the keyboard (I type like most men, one finger thundering down on each key like it were an EU Agricultural Bureaucrat itself) could also be the lack of subject matter - and that is most appropriate for tonight's post. Very little has actually occurred up here since Friday I regret to say. The weekend was quiet, and only enlightened by another bus expedition on Saturday for Luca. While his Mother and her cohorts bounded around the well worn Bannatyne floors, Luca took flight from home territory by public transport with his Dad into Inverurie in such a bold fashion I may as well have not been there. His strength and confidence are shooting now and any attempts to baby him are rejected out of hand.

Unless he gets an "owey" or wants chocolate or crisps, natch.

Luca wasn't particularly impressed by my new (temporary) toy though. I took one of our companies vans home with me for the weekend in order to transport some bulky items from our garden to the tip. The curious one inevitably climbed in for a closer inspection, but was clearly unsure of the vans layout. Indeed, the look of confusion and suspicion on his face as he looked into the open unseated space in the back spoke volumes. In fact, every time I suggested going out after that he shook his head saying "No in white van Daddy, not like it"

He has a burgeoning and impressive memory though. Despite not having seen the van since early on Sunday, when I came home from work tonight a beaming Luca swung round in his chair proclaiming that "Daddy come home in white van". I shook my head and told him I'd left it at work. "Catch the bus then Daddy?" came the response. I nodded, to which Luca's return was a triumphant smile before swinging back round in his chair. His banana and ice cream was rapidly melting, so I guess the privilege of his attention even for that brief minute was something to be savoured.

Much like his banana and ice cream.

What's coming up? Who knows during this abnormal heatwave. Even our coldest temperature this week will be 22 degrees, which considering the high percentage of North Eastern ginger people will cause a few problems (to put bit mildly). As I'm turning 25 on Sunday (for almost ten years consecutively now admittedly) Carole has arranged something for me on Friday night, but won't let the cat out of the bag. Which is just as well considering we have two dogs. On Saturday we have a barbecue with a fellow ageing child of the mid seventies, before a lazy day on Sunday.

Hopefully once the condolences of another passing year have ended I can get back to the serious business of buying a car. I now have definite possibilities, which is just in time before the final layer on the soles of my feet erode away.

Have I mentioned Luca enough? Did I mention that I made the error of not locking the bathroom door this morning, which allowed the inquisitive young man to enter, take my newspaper away, chat away endlessly before unexpectedly flushing the toilet? Not pleasant, but hard not to laugh as he then proceeded to walk back out whilst waving bye bye before slamming the toilet door shut so hard my can of shaving foam fell to the floor from atop the sink.

I won't list such inappropriate stories next time.

**Useless fact of the day - Scientists estimate that 100 species go extinct every day. That's about one species every 15 minutes**

Friday 26th June 2009

For your perusal tonight we have a variety of week old pictures. As a rule I perennially try to post any photo's online within 24 hours, so this demonstrates a real dereliction of my duties. Caroles bass level growl as I admitted my tardiness last night reminded me very abruptly of my responsibility.....


Last Sundays "Race for Life" is featured above, and though awash with far too much pink-ness (without even considering the overabundance of deely-boppers) is still one of the more legible photographs I've taken of late. Carole and Luca you know, while Karen (in the white shirt) is one of Carole closest friends. The other girls? Yep, my memory fails me yet again. Have I mentioned how worried I am by this? I'm turning into my Mother.....



Surprisingly, and frankly a little disturbingly, this picture wasn't posed. Luca stole his Mothers deely-boppers (are they still called that?), clearly deciding that sitting big pink fluffy balls atop a "John Motson" hat is a good look. Perhaps he's just ahead of fashion in this instance and we simply need to catch up with his trend setting ways.




OK, no argument, this one is posed. Doesn't it remind you of something though? "You Maniacs! You blew it up! Ah, damn you! God damn you all to hell!"

Too obscure a reference? Please let me know!



Movie style theatrics apart, Luca always photographs well does he not? Here he is behavedly posing in front of his Dad, with both of us choosing not to make reference to the t-shirt he'd personally purchased himself for my Fathers Day gift.


He actually presented me with a bag full of gifts that very morning as I awoke (or more specifically as he forcibly woke me), although I was only allowed to keep a select few. The book and t-shirt I got to keep. The chocolate bar and bag of sweeties? Well, "assez dit" (as our Gallic friends would say) is probably a correct summation.....



For some reason he looks a little like Gok Wan here.



Later that day Luca and I drove to Banchory - the journey enriched by boisterous renditions of "twinkle twinkle little star" blaring from the short one - to visit an elder Stewart Daddy. Despite innumerable attempts, this picture is the closest we got to a blur free Granda/Grandson picture on Fathers Day. By this stage of the day he was so pumped up by sweet food and lack of sleep that nothing short or Armageddon could have taken him down.


Is this the last blog? Am I, as suspected by Dad, using this as a ruse to encourage the rest of the family to update more often? Ambiguously the answer is yes and no.


**Useless Fact of the Day - It's well known that in many Far East countries dogs are viewed as food rather than pets. What is less known is that often the dogs are skinned alive before being hung up by their neck to die. Koreans in particular believe that dogs that die painfully will release more adrenaline into their flesh, creating a more potent and flavourful meat**

Wednesday 24th June 2009

Rehashing Dad's recent musings of discontinuing the blogs, based on the recent activity (or more importantly inactivity) of our fellow bloggers perhaps it is time to wind this up? Indeed, personally I've decided to continue through until the end of the week, making my last ever post on Friday night.

With this being the plan, I had better ensure my last couple of entries aren't as achingly dull as many of my previous. Unfortunately, as I'm in the office with my camera sitting 15 miles away in our kitchen todays will be image free - therefore immediately putting this entry on the back foot!

What has happened lately that may be of interest? For Carole's benefit it would be preferable for me not to remind her of this "experience", but due to the wall shaking nature of it I can't realistically avoid it. I came home from work last night to find Luca hoisted over his Mum's shoulder, whilst she tore up the stairs. It transpired he's been having the mother of tantrums and had sulked, screamed at and physically abused his Mum since she collected him from nursery, with this behaviour showing no signs of abating. My attempts to interject and help were quickly - and predictably considering the situation - waved away so I spent the next hour heating my tea, eating it and channel hopping while listening to a genuinely disturbing wall of noise emanate from the floor above me. Eventually - around 90 minutes later - Carole staggered down the stairs with a worn and forlorn look about her face. She had won the battle, although I'm certain George found slaying the dragon a trifle easier.

Other than his "Damien" type shenanigans Luca's actually been very pleasant of late. I find sometimes that my natural inclination to exaggerate can occasionally warp the true facts! Potty training is still successfully underway without further incident, and he chats so much he even puts his Aunt Jane to shame.

What else? Errm, not a lot. I'm now actively searching for a new car, and hope to have something tied up in the next week or so. The final car hasn't yet been decided - decisions are changed daily - but it will be a diesel estate. Hopefully aesthetically not too ugly, but I'm sure Joseph Merricks mother also had the same wish.

Carole will be hoping my weight stabilises again once the new car arrives, as I've had to walk up to 8 miles a day on occasion (when taking into account commuting, dog walking, etc) which rather predictably burns a calorie or two. Though I'm certain her main motive is to reagin full control of her BMW. Although I rarely use it, it's amusing to see the tension form around her jaw any time I eye her keys.

Other than this I rented a few DVD's from our local Blockbuster on Monday. The most high profile film borrowed was Oscar winning "Slumdog Millionaire". Great expectations invariably lead to even greater disappointment, which was most certainly the case with this long and frankly dull love story.

We also gave up our Sky Sports subscription yesterday, less through a need to tighten our belts, and more through a "Well, it's the football close season just now anyway" point of view. However, we immediately replaced it with the Movie channels and made good use of our first night by staying up to the "wee small hours" watching various good-to-average flicks. Watch "Run Fat Boy Run" if you can though. Is Simon Pegg the funniest actor in movies today? Discuss.

**Useless fact of the day - The "Huffington Post" blog is generally regarded as the worlds most popular and influential blog**

Saturday 20th June 2009

It was Luca's first sports day today, with the above picture featuring a (semi) victorious scoundrel after his first race this morning. The first event was a straight sprint in which he came a very creditable 2nd, despite exhausting his pent up energy with an - admittedly speedy - false start. Still, he looked quite pleased with his efforts!

And here he is in full flight! I was a little dubious of the girl in pinks (to the left of the picture)

claim of being under three years of age -I'm certain her voice had broken too - but despite this Luca pumped those little arms and legs for all they were worth!

Is there any order to my photo's? Nope, here he is at the race start (for those of you with binoculars)

And again. I really need to more selective with the pictures I upload.

This is better. Although similar in fashion to the other photo's already featured, this race was the penultimate race of his age group. The intention in this event was to have each child bounce as furiously as possible to the finish line. Luca, no doubt pumped up a little too much by an over eager father at the start line quickly decided - after only 3 bounces - that this method was unnecessarily slow and instead improvised by sprinting the rest of the way. Cheating? No. "Thinking outside the box" is more like it!

He still only finished second though....

Joking aside, he competed very well throughout, and across the three events (the other being the potato and spoon race) finished second, third and second. Impressively consistent I feel, and most gratifying was the determination and desire to win he showed. He was genuinely excited before each race, and very visibly gave his all. Promising....

Which side does this grit come from? Carole, all the way!

Though a little from me too. Mum will be unsurprised by my mention of this, but I did win the parents race. Convincingly.

Sad to say, but despite my advancing years and injured calf I genuinely wanted to win and really put my foot down from half way to ensure it. I certainly wasn't alone though as one of the other dads (a competing distance cyclist) came up for a chat afterwards, openly admitting he was devastated not to have won!

Dads eh? Then again, I have memories of a childhood spent attempting to tackle my Dad when he had a football. Would he ever let me? With his innate competitive instinct? You bet he didn't!

Indeed, he's now 60 and I still don't think I've taken the ball from him.....

Unfortunately Carole missed this first sports day, due to a culmination of fitness classes and shopping. Her 5K "Race for Life" is tomorrow necessitating a final burst of training. Worryingly however, she appears to have caught a little of the running bug and is already talking about competing in future races. A disquieting thought when considering the injuries Dad and Kelly have bestowed upon themselves with the trials they put their bodies through competing in half and full marathons.

It was Luca's Gran and myself who took Luca to the sports day today, and his Gran has been around him for almost 24 hours now. She picked him up from nursery yesterday afternoon and took him home for the night, allowing Carole and I an evening to ourselves. As a romantic prelude to the evenings main event I took Carole for a meal at the award winning "Cinnamon" restaurant, which vaunts it's specialty Indian/domestic fusion dishes. Perhaps I'm a bit of a troglodyte, but it tasted simply like normal Indian food to me!

That's not to say the quality wasn't high. Indeed Carole reckoned it was the best Indian food she's ever eaten. I assumed she wasn't counting my own concoctions, and closed my mind to the possibility she was.

The main event of the evening was a much anticipated event - a trip to the cinema to watch "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen". Carole, obviously teasingly, fell asleep twice during the movie, and proclaimed it a "load of rubbish" at the end. I like to think she was jesting, and personally enjoyed with gusto this two and a half hour spectacle of transforming robots beating each other up. Best movie ever!

I'll take Carole to see it again next week too.

**Useless fact of the day - The sun is 330,330 times larger than the earth*

Friday 19th June 2009

I enjoyed Kelly and Craigs blog (http://kellyandcraigcornwall.blogspot.com/) immensely this morning, especially as their current living arrangements appear to be taken straight from the pages of "The Adventures of Huckleberry Finn"!

Today's blog is (painlessly) brief today, and is designed mainly to remind you that tomorrow Luca takes part in his very first sports day - and (as with seemingly everything else) it's a charity event, to fund Great Ormond Street Childrens Hospital. So if your pockets are feeling weighed down by too many coins than contact Carole or myself with your pledge!

I sound like ruddy Terry Wogan.....

**Useless fact of the day - Great Ormond Street Hospital requires charitable donations of at least £26,000,000.00 per annum**

Wednesday 17th June 2009

I just received a bit of good news this morning, my oldest friend (Donald) called to say he and his wife Luisa are having their first baby - she's 12 weeks pregnant. Great news, especially due to the absence of other friends with children. Everyone seems to be coupled but still fearful of the prospect of a brood! The imminent arrival of their little one can be a welcome, yet belated playmate for Luca.

That said, he'll be three by the time the new bairn ("baby" when translated to English) arrives. Terrifying, he'll be reading Hegel and Orwell by then. Probably.

Relatedly, our own youngest, Sima, is now house trained. At long last! Indeed, since Sunday we've let her roam free during the night and she's been spotless thus far. Very positive, but another problem has arisen. She's a very affectionate pup and likes nothing better than to cuddle in to you. As such, we wake every morning with the black and white ball of fur curled into our pillows. She waits until we fall asleep then sneaks up!

Indeed, this appears to be a habit that's forming. Mum babysat Luca for Carole and I on Friday and had a little snooze when Luca went down for his afternoon nap. She eventually awoke with the addition of an unexpected Jack Russell scarf....

We're still in discussions for various upcoming events. I'm taking Carole for a meal and movie on Friday night, and also expect to attend a play in Inverurie on Monday night. There's a number of different performances on locally over the next week due to the annual - though not particularly famous - Garioch Theatre Festival.

Luca also has his first sports day on Saturday too! It's unlikely we'll be able to attend this due to other commitments, but if things change we'll regale you with pictures of the chubby one doing the egg and spoon. I wonder how competitive he is....

**Useless fact of the day - The origins of the celebration of Father's Day can be traced back to Spokane in the state of Washington in the country of the United States of America (USA).
Sonora Louise Smart Dodd wanted to honour and pay back the love she received from her papa (the Civil War veteran William Jackson Smart who raised her and her five sisters alone as a single widowed parent whose wife had died in child birth of their sixth daughter) and started the tradition of Father's Day in her local area on 19 June 1910**

Tuesday 16th June 2009

We are bereft of pictures again, but after the fright we gave Mike with the last set this isn't necessarily a bad thing. I have a tendency to forget that, the Scottish North Eastern clan aside, our respective families aren't as used to seeing Luca immediately after laser surgery. Indeed, the very first time he had it (which seems a lifetime ago now) left me a little shellshocked. However, it is a temporary effect which calms gradually over a number of weeks.


Despite the initial discomfort caused by this session - he was more swollen than normal, and slightly tender too - Luca has been particularly affectionate of late. Kisses and cuddles are coming thick and fast, and all he wants to do is be around you 24/7. His current favourite activity is picking toys out of his reward bag. As advised previously, he's in the middle of potty training and we give him rewards for every set number of pee's and poo's "excavated" into his potty. He's taken up the challenge with relish, and it is particularly amusing to watch him place his potty in front of the television before spending a minute or so pushing one through in front of his cartoons! Perhaps we should just place a newspaper beside the potty for him from now on?


His lego has also taken precedence over other toys lately, and on every day for the past week he's insisted I build him a horsey. He studies what I do with great concentration, before replicating the process. Sort of. Have you ever seen the movie "The Fly"? Remember where the main character got into the chamber with a fly, and was transmorphed into a horrific mutated creature? That's what Luca's lego horses look like just now.


Try, try and try again is the credence here.


There's not been much else of note lately, the majority of our time has been applied toward domestic duties. Apart from a brief spell in Aberdeen, much of Saturday was spent at home cleaning/gardening and cooking. The only respite was late into the evening where we sat down to watch the remake of "Friday The 13th", which although perfectly perfunctable was so formulaic that it made us wish we were mowing the lawn again.


Sunday was similar, although Mara - our neighbour - popped round to see Carole (I escaped the girly chatter by retreating to the loft...). They've sold their house now, so we'll have new neighbours soon. We were lucky to have Mara and Rob, so likely we'll now get an ASBO family now for some form of purgatory!


Yesterday felt long - when are Mondays not long? - although the day closed with a highlight being the arrival of a DVD of the last few episodes of "The Big Bang Theory". This has had us addicted, although disppointingly we are nearing the end. We've now watched almost all of the 46 (!) episodes and can't recommend it highly enough. What will we do once it's over? For a start we promise to start answering the phone again....


**Useless fact of the day - Although many aren't fatal, around 34 aircraft per year crash. Which probably helps explain our choice to go to Centre Parcs in Nottingham next year for our holidays rather than abroad**

Sunday 14th June 2009

There's no great order to the variety of pictures on display today, each being merely representative of Luca's moods and locations at various junctures yesterday. The first, featured above, was taken as Luca helped me relocate my PC from my "cubby hole" back to the loft. With the recent sharp increase in temperatures it is again quite comfortable up there, and the extra space (which alleviates the need to be permanently hunched) is doing wonders for my lanky - and ageing - back.



I hope that last sentence bemoaning my age didn't depress you too much. I am (pleasingly) aware that, behind Kelly, I'm the youngest contributor/savant of our collective blogs. OK, behind you too Cade......
Our next picture features Luca at tea time (notice the can of his favourite "beanies and sausages" at his feet). As previous experience would suggest, with Luca not being the boldest toddler to have walked the earth, he isn't fully confident standing solo atop a kitchen worktop as demonstrated. The smile was most certainly staged and exceedingly brief - "Daddy no go away, come here now, pick Luca up"



This one is just a Dad's eye view, but look closer at his eyes - this was taken only seconds before an infamous "Stewart Strop"

I've just realised I haven't yet mentioned the reason behind the lack of trousers in many of these shots! We haven't secretly moved to the Bahama's, Luca is presently being - very successfully - potty trained. The speed at which he's picked it up is incredible, and he hasn't once forgotten to sit on his potty. All credit to Carole (and Granny too). The only negative being that this is another milestone, another reminder that he's not our baby anymore but independent, free thinking young boy. We're now at the stage where we no longer need to guess at what he wants/needs, he very concisely tells us. This obviously makes our lives so much easier, yet I can't shake the feeling that each breakthrough is actually a new impasse in my attempts to keep him as my dependant baby indefinitely. I could psychologise this issue, and turn it into a lengthy diatribe about human responsibilities and mortality.

But I won't. Because it's not. It's about loving him unreservedly as he is.

And how can you not when eyes like that stare into you? Before striking quicker than a startled cobra to remove the camera from your grasp. He's very patient with the camera at present, but has set his own limits and demonstrates these physically rather than verbally!

Our final picture of the day shows a modest Luca covering his dignity (certainly a more pleasant vision than when he does his pelvic thrusts bereft of bottom half covering) in the loft. The grabbing of his genitals, Michael Jackson circa 1988 sylee, is an automatic reaction he has acquired as a response to any frights or fear. The green box in front of him is a jack-in-the-box, and is an item of which holds equal fascination and fear for him. He can't help pressing that button, which scares him EVERY time....

**Useless fact of the day - A theory as to the origin of the jack-in-the-box is that it comes from the 13th century English prelate Sir John Schorne, who is often pictured holding a boot with a devil in it. According to folklore, he once cast the devil into a boot to protect the village of North Marston in Buckinghamshire. This theory may explain why in French, a jack-in-the-box is called a "diable en boîte" (literally "boxed devil")**

Friday 12th June 2009

I had a day off yesterday (taken under duress due to half our office staff being absent this week), and despite the 6ft pile of paperwork sitting on my desk today it was worth it. As you can see by the smile in the picture above Luca was on a charm offensive all day, and was a dream to be around. We started the day by running his Mum to work, before driving straight through to Aberdeen ("Ah-baa-deen Daddy!"). We started at the library where he held a conversation with two librarians while I flicked through the shelves ("Hallo ladies, no, not Luca's book"), before moving on to locate a couple of shoe racks for the house. Pleasingly we didn't have to plod around too many shops before finding what we needed, and making hay for home. Luca was a little tired, but as you can see by his smile the kit-kat rather boosted his energy levels!

On our return to Inverurie we diverted by the local supermarket, as I'd promised to (attempt to) cook Carole a diet dinner. I'm not bad at the high fat foods, but I struggle to add taste to anything predominantly low fat so was a little trepidacious about attempting this. Luca (in between grinning smugly at me - see above) was of little help, instead cchoosing to spend his time singing a new song he invented. It go's "Chocolaaaaaaaaatttteee yoggy ooh!" with it sung soprano style at top volume. Over and over and over......I'm glad I have no shame, as Luca clearly takes after his father in this manner.

We eventually arrived home early/mid afternoon, long after he should have gone to bed for his afternoon kip. Contrarily, and despite a heavy lunch which would make me sleepy, he stayed up with me a little longer and "assisted" in my endeavours to put together the flatpacked shoe racks we'd bought earlier. Interestingly he showed a great interest in putting them together, and very quickly understood that the screws had to be inserted into the pre-drilled holes and turned to secure in. Admittedly his handling of a screwdriver may take a little fine tuning, but we may have a potential Nick Knowles on our hands.

After some time had passed - with the added treat of two poo's in the space of 30 minutes to clean from his rear end - Luca agreed to go for a nap as his eyelids drooped ever lower. This allowed me time to callous my hands further while finishing the (admittedly limited) DIY jobs before cleaning and cooking (or burning in any other parlance).

He rose shortly before his Mother arrived home from work - as I unashamedly finished my housewifely tasks - and at this point his more dastardly side shone through. No matter what he was like before, he often awakens reinvigorated with an entirely new personality. As Forrest Gump cringeingly said "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you're going to get". This is perfectly apt for referring to the short mans change of moods!

After torturing Carole somewhat, he went to bed well leaving us to eat our low fat dinner together, a type of steak and onion pie. Which obviously contained no pie crust of any kind perversely. However, it was really good, although I have to admit having to venture to and from the kitchen repeatedly throughout the evening to top up my gurgling stomach!

We spent much of the rest of the evening finally admitting our burgeoning addiction to the series "The Big Bang Theory", watching 4 or 5 episodes in a row. By the time we rose from our slump at the end of the night I'm positive I noticed our bodies indentations engraved into the sofa.

This morning started with a pre-dawn visitor, Mum arriving at our house at the ungodly hour of 5.50am! She had just dropped Ross at the airport for his Amsterdam excursion, and came straight through to our house from there. Kindly she'd agreed to the mantle of Luca's jailor today while he recovers from his surgery. As you'll have ntoiced from the pictures posted his scars are exceptionally prominent this time around which will unfortunately take longer to clear, but will also assist in clearing the affected parts of the face within a smaller number of sessions.

For the first time he's started to notice the surgery, and hilariously/heartbreakingly (delete as applicable) thinks he looks like a tiger now! He's actually becoming far more self aware overall, and consistently asks us questions about other marks on his body, such as scratches, pimples, scabs - pretty much anything he can spot. "Oooooh" he reponds, as we explain what each mark is!

**Useless fact of the day - The big bang theory is what occurred 13.7 billion years ago when the universe was created. Contrary to popular opinion, there was no explosion, only essentially a brief fart and expansion. Rather than imagining a balloon popping and releasing its contents, imagine a balloon expanding: an infinitesimally small balloon expanding to the size of our current universe**

Friday 12th June 2009

Tuesday 9th June 2009

Another big day for Luca, as today holds another session of laser surgery in Livingston. I couldn't take this date off work, so Carole and Luca are making the trek together. During his last session they adjusted the lasers to go far deeper than before, which understandably left greater temporary scars and an increase in previous healing time. Making the assumption, I would fully expect this to be replicated again today. As usual Luca will likely be unaffected by this, but it's a distressing experience for Carole watching her boy be knocked out and his face affected by lasers, albeit both temporarily.

Although Carole hates seeing him in such a way, I'll take a photo tonight of his big smiley face. It will simply show his temporary uniqueness.

Yes, I'm making words up again.

Last night Carole was exhausted - she's approaching the tail end of her illness and as such energy should return in the next few days - so I raced home from work (well, as quickly as the chuggedy bus would take me) in order to take care of Luca and make dinner. Luca was no trouble as always, although I had a funny incident with him. I got changed from my work clothes into my "civvies", but curiously Luca decided he didn't like the checked shirt I'd put on. "No like it Daddy, take it off". He was strangely persistent with this request, so I eventually succumbed and took it off. He then started looking in my wardrobe! I pulled out a blue jumper and asked him if I could wear it instead. "OK Daddy, put it on". And that was that. Curiouser and curiouser cried Alice.

Carole - who had taken this time to get Isis out for her walk - arrived home shortly afterwards and took him to bed. His night time kiss/cuddle routine is almost militaristic, and if you exceed your allotted time he isn't slow in telling you. "No more cuddles Daddy, finished now" as he pushes you away is a depressingly familiar routine.

That said, he can alternately be extremely affectionate when the mood takes him. On Sunday he needed a cuddle so I stood him atop his changing unit and let him cuddle into my shoulder. A minute or so later I pulled back slightly. He pulled me back saying "Need more cuddle Daddy". This went on for about five minutes. Although my memory is poor I'd be rather confident I ended it on promise of a chocolate button....

I finished cooking my newest attempt at an edible meal, this time chilli con carne. Predictably I'd made it too hot, and it had to be cooled by an insurmountable number of drinks, with the meat liberally splashed with half a bottle of mayonnaise. Quite why Carole allows these abominations to continue I'm not quite sure.....

Caroles intended early night didn't arrive as intended - I still can't remember her ever going to bed pre 11pm - but it was still moderately early her her/our standards. I stayed up a little later to get my things ready for work in the morning, only to find my shoes (which are only 3 months old) have formed a Mick Jagger esque floppy lip at the front of the left one. My toes would receive a nice airing from the sub Arctic temperatures which have reformed following our predictably brief sunny spell with these on. Is this where I should launch into a tirade about too many shoddy products flooding the open market, with quality and durability being a thing of the past? No, I think I shall rise above it.

**Useless fact of the day - In the UK the hottest summer on record has already been broken twice this decade (2003 and 2006) and is expected to be broken again this year**

Sunday 7h June

The two sides of Luca, contrasting in extremus! The pictures above were taken only seconds apart, but show to the extent his moods shift at the moment. Life with a two year old....

Yesterday started rather poorly - Carole was distinctly unimpressed with me. She'd had a night out with the girls from work on Friday night, and as such didn't get home until reasonably late (apres midnight, and moderately squiffy). However, despite this and my own early night I slept through Luca's morning alarm call, forcing Carole to do the honours.

She didn't have a cup of coffee and a full cooked breakfast waiting for me once I eventually came down funnily enough....

From there (obviously after the dogs daily pulling of my arms from their sockets during their morning constitutional) we all drove into Aberdeen mid-morning in order to get Carole to her class, and Luca and I to the supermarket, which was then immediately followed by a visit to the bi-annual "Taste of Grampian" festival at Thainstone. We attended this for the first time last year, and it was terrific, full of stalls and samples of local and rare food and drink. This years version was much the same, although with one problem added - word had spread. Despite our late arrival, and the ever worsening rain, there were thousands (perhaps tens of thousands) present, which made the whole experience frustrating and futile.

Despite this disappointment (allied to the fact a specialist baker no longer makes the aubergine cake which Carole so adored last year), we still came away with a couple of decent items which were quickly consumed on arrival home. Or in the case of the honeycomb fudge devoured during the car journey by a certain short legged and unruly imp!

Carole later popped round to her friend, leaving Luca and I to make dinner, a fully experimental butter bean and bacon concoction. What did I learn from this dish? Don't add copious amounts of salt to any dish containing bacon. We both still feel we've been gargling on ocean water.

Once the ragamuffin went down - full stomached after a particularly ravenous day - Carole and I watched another downloaded horror film, entitled "The Midnight Meat Train", which was about as subtle as the title suggests! We also watched a part of Northern Ireland's football match against Italy, purely to watch Partick Thistles goalkeeper Johnny Tuffey make his debut, Thistle's first full internationalist in almost 30 years. It didn't go too well for him, and he (perhaps predictably) conceded three goals.

This morning started with a rare, and ineffectual, excursion to the gym for me first thing. The only worthwhile element of which was that it reminded my diminishing memory that I'm as weak as a kitten before 10am! Carole then went to her fitness class, while Luca and I took a walk together, the "highlight" of which being Luca giving me a heart attack by hiding in the local shop we went into for our Sunday papers.

The rest of today will likely be quiet, as it's just started pouring with rain - that was a brief summer again - but it will be imbued by surprisingly excellent TV tonight, the most anticipated of which being the final of "The Apprentice". The clever money has to be the unflappable Kate winning the job, but Alan Sugar can be as unpredictable as an Israeli political election.

**Useless fact of the day - Capsaicin, which makes hot peppers "hot" to the human mouth, is best neutralized by casein, the main protein found in milk**

Friday 5th June 2009

I'm afraid I'm reverting to type again today, and have forgone the need to brighten up my rambles with photo's. My defence is that I exceeded my quota on the last entry.

I enjoyed last night - I got to see my son. As previously mentioned, his Granny had picked him up from us on Tuesday to babysit while Carole was on court duty, but by the time she returned him on Wednesday it was almost 8pm, and as such he was already half asleep. We carried his limp body from his Grans car straight upstairs to bed and he barely registered us from car seat to cot.

Last night was a different matter entirely however. I unfortunately got caught up with urgent work in the office and as such was still there mid evening, but Carole thankfully insisted on coming out to pick me up. When they arrived I jumped into the front seat, only to be lectured by the short man in the back - "Daddy miss the bus, silly Daddy" he called out whilst wagging his finger at me like a Victorian schoolmaster!

Variations on this continued during our journey back to Inverurie, and he giggled throughout, clearly enjoying taunting his old man in such a manner! He was a little perplexed on our arrival into our home town though, as we pulled into the Catholic Church Hall rather than our street. Yesterday was voting day, which gave the UK the chance to show our contempt for the atrocious and infantile "boom or bust" policy the Labour party has presided over. I opted for the safe and dependable option (Conservative) while Carole showed her discontent for major parties slack policies by voting UKIP. Luca didn't get to vote, instead choosing to swing round his Dads leg as I scribbled an inevitably wobbly X on the form.

After getting Mr Eyelashes back home and settling him down with his bottle ("No bottle, want nana and ice cream!"), Carole and I settled down with a Chinese Takeaway (appallingly our third in ten days) and watched the opening night to Big Brother 10. Generic? Bromidic? Most certainly. Addictive in a voyeuristic fashion? I'm ashamed to admit so but yes!

A busy next couple of day's upcoming. Tonight Luca and I will run Carole into Aberdeen for a ladies night out, after which we'll head home where he'll likely spend his time being awkward, argumentative and obstructive. As two year olds can be......

I'm not being fully truthful, as most of the time he's so pleasant to be around. It raises the age old question whether his personality is in his genes, or whether he's a product of his upbringing. IE Nature or nurture? My personal hypothesis is that his good sides are down to his upbringing, while his bad sides is his genes. Obviously the more obstructive sides to the Stewart/Corthorn genes skipped a generation with Carole and I....

Tomorrow we have a variety of visits, classes and food exhibitions to attend, of which I'll detail more tomorrow. With photographs. Probably.

**Useless fact of the day - Beetles taste like apples, wasps like pine nuts, and worms like fried bacon**

Wednesday 3rd June 2009

I've just discovered Carole's old camera which has recently come out of dusty retirement. Here's a selection of photo's - old and new - with the briefest of synopses underneath:-

You came home too early Dad, I was just making my break for freedom....

Is that an ice cream van over there? Can I reach Grandma's purse from here?

Poseur

Wish I'd worn my platforms

If I stare off into the middle distance they'll think I'm being contemplative

Enigmatic is not the word

What the **** is that you're pointing at me?

Sorry Dad, I prefer Batman

I refuse to pose. Where's my bottle mummy? Mummy, where's my bottle? Mummy, I'm losing patience with you now



Love me

Tuesday 3rd June 2009

Just a brief update today, "sans" photographs again. Carole has been called into court on jury duty. It was originally due to begin on Monday, but with her presence not having been required thus far we thought her responsibilities had passed. However, she received notification yesterday afternoon to report to the court at 10am this morning. An intriguing situation, taking into account the high profile muder in Aberdeen city centre in the early hours of Sunday morning. It would be gripping if this was indeed the case, and I'll report further this evening (where I may even post some Luca pictures)

With Carole being called in on her day off from work - I think the correct term for this situation would be "sod's law" - Luca was collected by his Granny last night. She has a delivery arriving today, and with Ross's inability to wake during daylight she had to take Luca home with her last night to ensure delivery wasn't missed. I was a little perturbed by the situation obviously - it feels curious not having Luca under the same roof - but thankfully won't miss much time with him anyway. I usually leave the house in the morning for work long before he awakens, so with Gran dropping him back this evening routine will only alter slightly.

As always, I'll look forward to his greeting of "Go away Daddy, no like you no more"

Actually, I kind of jest, but on the occasions where he is given the chance to spend time with Granny or Daddy there is no contest!

With Luca's absence last night, Carole and I were able to eat dinner at a reasonable hour, and turn the volume of the TV up without fear of wakening and enraging the beast. It's a curious situation every other evening, as over time we've adapted ourselves to watching television with the sound significantly lower than most other households. As such our auditory senses are almost bat like now!

We slothed throughout much of the evening - both still coughing every twenty seconds with this astoundingly persistent bug - and watched six (6!) episodes of the American seies "The Big Bang Theory". It's a new (ish) comedy about a group of geeky physicists, and is the funniest thing we've seen in quite some time. My only concern is that I get EVERY geeky reference that is made during each show (Star Wars, comics, Warcraft, etc, etc). Does this finally confirm the fact I am a geek? Carole would argue this theory has long since been proven.

I sit here today with my skin still imparting a temperature comparable to that of the surface of the sun. Our day in the sunshine in Perth at the weekend still causes me discomfort, though at least I now look more like beef stock than a tomato now.

Looking forward, we are now merely 32 days from my birthday. I think this is my 47th or somewhere around that figure. What would I like this year? I'd like not to be reminded I'm older than I was.....

**Useless fact of the day - Despite recent reductions in the classifications of many drugs, drug offences have risen almost 10% in the UK in the last year alone**

Tuesday 2nd June 2009

No photo's again today I'm afraid. We do have a significant number on Carole's camera phone, but due to her going down with my bug they've not yet been transferred to my PC. We have a bit of a variety, some from the races but more pertinantly several of the boy. There's one in particular which we took in the car on the way home on Sunday night. He'd fallen asleep, and was so tired his whole face looked like it had collapsed. He looked 82 rather than 2......

As mentioned, Carole's flat out with the bug. She was due for jury duty yesterday, which thankfully has been postponed. This in turn has allowed her the easier option of calling in sick to work rather than attempting to obtain a doctor's line for court exclusion purposes.

She was battling with the "Inverurie Ignitor" (Luca in American wrestling parlance) when I arrived home last night. He was being awkward during dinner (plus ca change) and despite having claimed he "no like that" when first offered it, was now demanding a bowl of banana's and ice cream. Unfortunately his request/demand (delete as applicable) had to be denied as we had his parents evening to go to, for which I'd arrived home with merely minutes to spare to make our allotted time.

We got up to the nursery sharply, and were greeted by juice,cakes, etc on arrival. Luca obviously made this his first port of call, even ignoring everyone who said hello to him on route. One glass of juice and the icing to a cupcake later (he's fussy) we were through in the meeting room being told how well he was doing. Nice to hear, although I would have preferred a little more detail on the area's he was progressing well in, and those he wasn't. Perhaps I'm just being fussy? Or perhaps they were more descriptive and I simply didn't hear - Luca was demanding attention, whilst also force feeding me the remnants of his soggy cake.

We got him home not long after, and he went to sleep quite quickly. Despite the excessively high temperatures of the past few days, along with the closeness of the air, Luca isn't finding it all difficult to sleep. Indeed, neither Carole or I found it difficult either after watching last night movie on Channel 5 - "The Contract". Long winded, convoluted and utterly ridiculous would aptly describe this curious vehicle for the undisputed talents of John Cusack and Morgan Freeman. I'd surmise both actors fired their agents after filming this empty shell.

**Useless fact of the day - Amazon awarded "The Contract" only two stars, and classified it as the worst movie featuring Morgan Freeman ever made**

Monday 1st June 2009

I'm presently trying to work out what is causing me the most concern. The dangerous goods declaration sitting on my desk that doesn't match with the TREM card which has just been emailed to me, or my nose which is glowing like a big red beacon.

To explain, Carole and I spent the day at Perth Races yesterday for the Gold Cup. On arrival we were delighted to notice the temperature was sitting at a rather corking 24 centigrade, perfect for a day outdoors.

Or so we thought. Carole wisely kept her arms covered, and with her long hair her neck and most of her face were protected too. However, I wasn't quite so wise. My arms and the top part of the chest were exposed all day (we were there for the entire afternoon), and I'd left my hat in the car too leaving my neck, face and head at threat. I was quite comfortable throughout most of the time, but it wan't until I looked in the mirror after arriving in Banchory (to collect Luca) on the way home I noticed the reddish hue emitting from me. Indeed, I looked like a big tall tomato.

I'm a little sore today, but not too bad. In any case, it's probably worth it - should we really complain about having too much sun in Scotland? It was a good day yesterday too, my first ever at the races and Carole's first in years. Being so close to the action was quite exhilerating, although due to the crowds (13000 approximately) it was difficult to get round to the ring the check out the runners before placing bets, leaving most punts as merely guesswork. We didn't do too badly however, probably only losing a few pounds across the course of an entire day. We do intend to go back later in the year for a midweek meet however, in order to avoid such crowds again and give ourselves a better chance to check out the horses and make more educated guesses before placing our bets. There's no point me having Carole - who worked in stables for years - with me at the bookies stalls if I can't utilise her knowledge properly.

Hopefully we'll have photo's soon of Luca's day while we were in Perth. He was with his Granny and Granda all day, and by all accounts was distictly unimpressed with our arrival when we turned up to take him home. I even received his infamous glower when I deigned to sit on Granny's side of the sofa......

Inevitably, he fell asleep before we even left Banchory. He hadn't slept all day, and it was after 8.30pm that we left his Grandparents - and he was just "plain tuckered" as Lucy and family would say. Or not if I'm getting my cultural vernacular confused.....

And referring to whom - I was really sorry to hear about Ryan dying. Losing your dog after so long, your most loyal friend, is horrendous. He had a good life though, and is now no longer in pain. We are so sorry though.

You love your dogs unconditionally. Unless their name is Isis, and the first thing they do as you walk past first thing every morning - EVERY morning - is fart.

Despite the sun shining, Carole couldn't be tempted out of bed this morning. She's caught the bug I had last week, and her throat is closing up - despite the hot chilli Chinese I was despatched for after getting home last night! It was good though (and needed!) and we ate while watching a TV programme celebrating ten years of Big Brother, of which was a precursor to the new series due to begin on Thursday. Carole is excited by the prospect, while I'm a little more ambivalent. Though doubtless I will be turned - again....

Finally, a big thank you to Liz for her assistance this last week while I coughed and spluttered offering little help. We would have struggled without you, and Luca loved having you here too - come back soon!

**Useless fact of the day - Big Brother was invented by a Dutchman named John De Mol, which appropriately translates as "The Mole". It's title is taken from the novel "1984" which is infamous for it's themes of nationalism, sexual repression, futurology and censorship (fittingly)**