1. We also have a child, who is very young and requires constant attention and stimulation.
2. And two dogs. One of whom pees in inappropriate places at inappropriate times.
3. The other has more hair than Ross. Our hoover cries itself to sleep at night.
4. Carole works full time, 40 hours a week.
5. I work full time, 50 hours a week.
6. We both work additional "on call", and for approximately 50% of the year are both technically "on the clock" 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
I could continue but I think I've made my point.
Anyway............Admittedly much time has passed since my last update. I'll excuse myself on this occasion, however, as the return of Carole and Luca has - happily - taken up much of my time. What is there to report?
Both returned safely on Sunday evening to an exuberant Daddy. "Carole!" I cried as the car door opened. "Mfmgrrmblerrr" came the tired and tetchy response.
I tried my luck with Luca. "Luca!" I called out as I untangled him from his car seat strap, "I missed you". He grinned. "Yes, you did"
Cutting my losses, I unloaded the car, fed them their dinner and sent them to bed hoping for a warmer welcome once the travel lag had cleared.
On Monday it came. "I'm sorry I was no fun yesterday" smiled Carole as she cooked me one of my favourite dinners, "I'll make up for it". Luca was more succinct. "Daddy, come here, I want you" was the call whenever I wandered outwith his immediate line of vision. Additionally, I had been to the dentist earlier in the day, so of course he found a way to accidentally headbutt me in the exact spot the dentist had been attacking only hours previously. "Thanks Luca" I muttered. "You're welcome" came Luca's innocent response.
On Tuesday Granny Jo made a welcome return as she picked Luca up from nursery while Carole attended her fitness class and I played football. Indeed, she was still at our house when I returned home at 9.30pm. "I'll maybe just have one more coffee" she said as I walked in, leaving me to wonder whether I should point out that the twitch forming in her hand and comedy blinking probably indicated she'd already ingested past her limit.
On Wednesday came an increased physicality from Luca, as he (uncommonly) tested his limits with his Dad, strongly (albeit non violently) using all his power to take me down. My laughter eventually forced me to relent, and I let him clamber on top as I lay down. "I did it!" he squealed exuberantly, before his celebratory roar turned to screams when I got up and hung him upside down by his ankles. "I had enough, I had enough" he cried whilst attempting stop his giggling convulsions.
I didn't laugh much later however. Carole convinced me to watch "Brokeback Mountain", the Oscar winning movie about gay cowboys. Gratifyingly the sex scenes weren't graphic, but by God it was a dull film. 90 minutes in (with another hour still to go) I retreated for a late saunter with Yoda, contemplating how such a pile of **** could have won such praise.
Between this, and the equally execrable past winners "Schindlers List", "Philadelphia", "Milk" and "The Hurt Locker", I'm beginning to wonder what is the judges on the Oscars committee smoke. And where I can get some.
Thursday brought more fitness classes for Carole, while I took care of the wee man. "Make sure he has a bath" were Carole's stern instructions earlier in the day, so following his tea of chicken and potato (many thanks to Aunt Jane for introducing new food to his diet) we trudged up the stairs to the bathroom. "It's too hot" he cried once I'd run the bath. "It's too cold now" he tutted as I tried to rectify the initial problem. "It's too deep, silly Daddy" he muttered while shaking his head as I attempted to find a suitable temperature.
The look on his face as an "at-the-end-of-his-tether" Daddy hurled him unexpectedly over the side and into the water was priceless. The glint in his eye told me he'd have his revenge before long however......
Later we (as in Carole and I, Luca still prefers Humf) watched the first live election debate, as the leaders of the UK's three main parties went head to head in an almost unprecedented television debate. Despite the irritating lack of depth and clarity to the answers (mainly due to TV's time constraints and the presenters insistence on not letting any individual talk for longer than ten seconds) much was revealed. Primarily David Cameron's continual resistance toward answering questions openly and honestly. My previous intrigue in some of his inventive policies evaporated in this short 90 minute programme.
It's late, so I must bid adieu and retire to bed. We have a busy day tomorrow, with a mixture of lunchtime entertaining, shopping, football and anticipated toddler tantrums. I'll leave you with a couple of photo's of Luca making his Mummy her tea on Thursday night. Ignore the hyperbole, he is turning out to be a smashing kid.
Useless fact of the day - Humans have consumed caffeine since the Stone Age.[31] Early peoples found that chewing the seeds, bark, or leaves of certain plants had the effects of easing fatigue, stimulating awareness, and elevating one's mood. Only much later was it found that the effect of caffeine was increased by steeping such plants in hot water. Many cultures have legends that attribute the discovery of such plants to people living many thousands of years ago**
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