The Young And The Restless

It is over. After 4 days and 9 hours (I wasn't counting.....) Carole returned home from Lincoln this evening. With this my tenure as sole curator of the highly combustible object that is Luca Stewart ended. And a weight greater than that atop Atlas' shoulders was removed.

With exaggeration as my byword, I may perhaps not be entirely serious. Indeed, despite the (many....) trials I rather enjoyed the time spent with him. I'd arranged to work half days last week with the intent to drop off and collect Luca from school and also allow me sufficient time to complete the necessary everyday household tasks. It transpires that work/life balance can be a tricky mistress.

Despite the trials we did manage. Interestingly Luca's behaviour varied somewhat from type however. In contrast to his norm he woke early every day, much to my chagrin - sleep became a rather precious commodity. "Is it morning time?" he queried every morning from the edge of my bed, before the birds outside had started tweeting, and even prior to the sun having begun its ascent over the mountain tops.

I always surrendered not long after however, "encouraged" out of bed by the presence of a 5 year old boy and Jack Russell dog having sneaked into Carole's side of the bed offering "quiet" reminders that breakfast would be quite appreciated.

Curiously few things better the school run in my eyes though. Collecting him from school was always highly rewarding, seeing him emerge from the doors of the school, his eyes darting round the playground in search of his Dad. The smile and sprint toward me once he'd located my whereabouts was just terrific. Sat in an office dealing with difficult situations or seeing that grin - the contrast was just enormous.

Picking him up at 3.30pm daily allowed great scope for activities. We went to the cinema, swimming, played football - anything that wore down that internal Duracell battery. We even cooked together, as I conducted culinary experiments in an attempt to widen his palette. The various grimaces across his face demonstrated his stubbornness, though to his credit he tried everything I cooked. Most interestingly was his lack of gastric knowledge. The gradual realisation that mince isn't actually made out of Earthworms being a particular highlight.

The lack of adult company was more of a trial than I imagined however, and I felt more than a little restless once he'd gone to sleep. His Uncle Ross did offer some respite on Friday evening however, albeit at a cost. Before his descent to the land of nod his Uncle introduced him to a video game called "Soul Caliber" (if I rightly recall its title) which was a 1 versus 1 fighting game. I think you can probably guess how tricky is was to settle a five year old down to sleep following such a visceral experience. An experience perhaps not to be repeated!

The weekend brought forth far greater time flexibility, which allowed us greater scope as well as a more relaxed pace. I'll try to detail below the following photo's:-

Taken today during our forest walk (Kirkhill Forest), here the short man rests on a stump, his legs having failed him after several miles of stumbling through the mud. Loving the experience, he was like a pig in sh*t. Life as a forest ranger could be a distinct possibility.

"This way, keep up old man"

Short of adding a knife holster to his leg, he couldn't look more "badass woodsman" here. Sort of.

The above taken on Saturday as we climbed Luca's favourite hill. He didn't tire. He never did. My legs feel like someone has injected concrete into them. Obviously, as you do.

Both pictures above were taken on Saturday, from Aberdeen beach. The only beach in the world where the polar bears insist on a nice chunky cardigan.

OK, we're veering badly from the standard chronology now. The above image was taken a week ago, as Luca endured a visit to Pittodrie with a hungover Dad to watch a distinctly underwhelming encounter between Aberdeen and St Johnstone. With 0-0 the final score, at least he defeated the featured enormous hot dog. Just look at the determination as he sternly eyes the weirdly textured meat product.

Way off kilter now, the picture above was taken as we (Dad, Ross et al) arrived early for the Partick Thistle V Dundee extravaganza at Firhill several weeks back. Another 0-0 draw, I clearly jinx any prospective entertainment for others when attending live fixtures.

Both the above taken on the same day several weeks ago. When exactly? I can't recall. Where exactly? Ditto. Why am I posting such unrepresentative images? Beats me.

A proper archive picture I stumbled across. Sometimes the desire to stop time and live in the day is overwhelming.

Christmas. A 5 year old (scratch that, he was still 4) contemplates the true religious meaning of Christmas and quietly contemplates those less fortunate than himself. Naturally.

**Useless fact of the day - The interior of the Sun is so vast it could hold over 1,300,000 Earths**

Never, ever again

Life is essentially ruled by a never ending series of foolhardy decisions. Boris Johnsons parents not using protection. The record company A&R man who signed Miley Cyrus. Suffragettes losing their lives, their freedom, for a future society unappreciative and barely aware of what they sacrificed and why.

But none more foolhardy than our decision to allow two of Luca's friends to sleep over last Saturday night.

In retrospect it seemed a feasible idea. Luca had never had friends over before, and as an only child we've always been very conscious of the need to keep him active and stimulated to ensure he never becomes lonely. Games, toys, activities, sport, reading, running, walking, play parks, zoos, cinemas, etc, etc are all hugely important aspects of his life, yet socialising with his peers outside of school/nursery has rarely played a part and consequently has always caused a little consternation.

Consternation shmonsternation. It was hell. His friends, Tyler and Ethan (Ethan is the unfamiliar sleeping figure above) are nice kids, but three 5 year olds surrounded by toys and computer games, fuelled by copious volumes of chocolate, juice and the exuberance of youth is a deadly combination. Naively we expected the trials to end at bedtime. They didn't. It transpires other children don't settle down to sleep as quickly as Luca. Who knew?

A late night and a fitful sleep later, we took mini Hitler, mini Satan and mini Pol Pot to the cinema for a morning screening of "The Muppets". Yes, they've made another Muppets film almost a generation after the last. I enjoyed it, as it was very obviously scripted with the intention of wooing the 30-something's for whom The Muppets were an integral part of their childhood. However, it wasn't quite child-centric enough for the boys who wriggled, giggled and fiddled throughout. Luca's review afterward was the most succinct - "I wanted to see Star Wars".

This week has brought a little respite from the short chap, as he spent a few days staying with Granny and Granda during the school holidays. As grateful as we were for the assist it was terrific to get him home on Wednesday. I picked him up from Banchory after work and ran him home, making a detour into the Chinese takeaway on route. As I turned my back to pay he disappeared through the back of the takeaway to the upstairs restaurant, the only evidence of his presence being the thunder of his hooves as he hurtled round the tables. He suddenly appeared again, leaping down a flight of stairs in a single bound before casually announcing "How cool am I?"

Very

**Useless fact of the day - Tigers not only have striped fur, they also have striped skin**

Caught

A Saturday morning like any other. The slow roll out of bed, toast with jam and a liberal amount of televisual entertainment apparently created with the specific intention of insulting your intelligence. And Luca with his hands down his shorts.




I'm typing this while wrapped in a blanket. I'm currently feeling very sorry for myself after having contracted a rather unpleasant bug. Being a natural grump at the best of times it'd be natural to assume I'm presently an utter royal pain in the ass. Gratifyingly my family are overlooking this and caring for me in the ways they know best. Carole is keeping me warm and feeding me endless tablets and potions to make me comfortable and relieve the ailments. And Luca? He arrived home from school last night and immediately came upstairs to see me. "Here" he said, reaching into his coat pocket and producing four fruit sweeties. His last four fruit sweeties. "These will make you better". I smiled as he gave me a hug, and fell back to sleep again.

Do you think those self same sweets were waiting for me when I awoke this morning? Do you want the Hollywood-esque answer? Or the truth?

With Carole having entered us both into an upcoming 5K run, last Sunday I decided it may be beneficial to check my bodies capabilities in advance. Having not run outdoors for several years (with the exception of playing football) I took a jog downtown, accompanied by Yoda. It was pretty comfortable, but the dog was a little unimpressed by the experience. 400 yards in she decided to have a mid-jog poo (that was fun, retracing my steps to collect little poo droplets), before spending the remainder of the run dragging behind me, her mini legs scratching on the asphalt beneath.

I'll take Isis next time. It'll be interesting to find out if she's willing and able. Our old mutt has been having issues with her stomach of late for which we've had her back and forth to the vet, but she also has one other rather more untreatable ailment - she's nearly stone deaf. She's a poor old brute.

Also upcoming is Carole's "boot camp", now only a couple of months away. It's a week long fitness camp in a hotel in idyllic Perthshire countryside, where she'll spend her days running around like a demented rabbit before spending the evenings eating like one. A husk of a woman shall likely return.

Another upcoming financial event is also imminent, a couple of months following the boot camp. Due to an entirely unexpected bonus from my work we've repaid much of the remaining outstanding loan on my car. Consequently I'm on the lookout for a new appealing model. Luca has made several recommendations so far, each following a similar theme - if it's big, he likes it. However, as 5 year olds perennially aren't the most knowledgable group within society with regard to automotive expertise I'd be most grateful if you voted on today's poll.

**Useless fact of the day - Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia is the fear of long words**