He lives!

Call off the FBI, CIA and Scotland Yard, Dad has been found. My work phone rang just as I was leaving the office tonight on which a familiar voice casually enquired "Did you call?"

How big is Luca getting? Look at the picture above. 3 years old and his legs now stretch close to the length of his Grandma's. More prudently however, what happened to my previously lithe hunting dog? She's becoming a bit paunchy - perhaps there's a suggestion a certain visitor treated her a little too frequently during her stay.....

I'm quite fond of this picture, showing Sima asleep with all 4 legs wrapped around Isis' tail. She absolutely adores the bigger dog - such a shame the feeling isn't reciprocated!

Our house has been a little quieter since Liz left yesterday after her stay. As usual she was a pleasure to have around, and we're all sad to see her go. Indeed, with Luca now able to elucidate his feelings more clearly he's more able to let us know what he's feeling. "I miss Grandma" he claimed with a look of dejection upon his face, "I want her to come back to Luca's house"

He's quite adorable when he articulates his feelings so. Even so, much as it's tempting to accede to his wishes those big brown eyes can't get what they want every time. Indeed, even if Grandma had wanted to spend more time freezing in the sub Alaskan climate of Inverurie alongside a cheeky rapscallion it wasn't really practical. Tom has his shoulder operation coming up very shortly and as such needs his wife home.

I also think it was clear Liz was simply looking forward to seeing him too, operation or no operation.

We ended Liz's stay with a flurry of home cooking which culminated in another cream and jam cake being baked on her last day. Has the huge sponge mountain been devoured yet? You betcha!

Similar of which I can't say for the experimental meal I cooked for us all on Monday night. "Sweet and tangy turkey and rice mix in cabbage" was the recipe's tagline. And it was about as tasty as it sounds. "That was the worst thing you've ever cooked" was Caroles particularly brusque assessment.

With the snow having returned yet again - I'm seriously ready to emigrate - plans for this weekend remain frustratingly imprecise. Most pertinently however, my planned beery night out on Saturday has been cancelled (for reasons best not divulged on a blog). We will, however, make sure we keep our arrangement to visit Granny Jo who has seen little of the brown haired mite of late.

Anyway, it's late and after having been woken at 2am last night by my on-call phone (grrr) the sight of our bed only 5 feet from where I sit is proving an undeniable draw.

**Useless fact of the day - Killer Whales predominantly eat seals, but have also been known to attack and eat Great White Sharks**

Where's Wally?

First things first. Dad, if you're reading this, call home. We haven't received any texts or emails from you to confirm your arrival in Marrakech. Your wife is beginning to worry!

I have a foreboding feeling tonight's blog will be the worst ever. To back up my suspicion is "Exhibit A", the photograph above (of Dens Park, Dundee, scene of Partick Thistles latest humping). Not an auspicious start.

Improving matters slightly is a sleeping Luca. Notice the monster truck in his left hand, lately adopted as his favourite "teddy bear". Odd boy.

And, err, same picture just closer. I lose marks for such duplications.

Finally we have the most loving photo I've ever snapped. Grandma Liz and Sima gazing at one another with more adoration in their eyes than Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan in "When Harry Met Sally"

**Useless fact of the day - Movie website "Premiere.com" lists Wesley and The Princess Bride in 1987 film "The Princess Bride" as the greatest movie couple of all time. Yeah, I thought it was a bit of a cr*p choice too**

Honeymoon

I just received a rather surprising email from Dad over the weekend informing me that he's booked us into his timeshare in Ireland for a week after our wedding.

What a wedding present! That's Dad put out a challenge to everyone else - can you beat him, what will you get us? In casino parlance can anyone raise him?

Just kidding for those not picking up the tone. The only question that remains is who gets the booby prize of looking after Luca for a week?

A booby prize he most certainly is just now. His poor Grandma has been experiencing the full force of his will to eschew any semblence of obedience. I do think, however, she's enjoying watching the sneaky games he plays though, for example:-
"Daddy, I want some chocolate"
"No Luca, it's nearly bedtime" I reply
Little feet scamper through to the kitchen
"Mummy, I want some chocolate"

That's one of the more basic tricks he has, he has many more complex varieties of such. Have we bred a budding evil nemesis for James Bond?

He was at his most cantankerous yesterday. We were in Torphins for the Christening of Harry, my new Godson (although this second Godson is not nearly as cool as my first Cade) and his antics started with his chattiness in the church. "That's Daddy's baby!" he squealed at the top of his voice as I passed the 5 week old to the minister.

This was all in complete contrast to the party at Harry's grandparents house afterwards. Luca went into his shell, intimidated by all the unfamiliar people around. Frustratingly he's met many of the guests on a few occasions but he still buried his head into my shoulder and refused to come down. He stayed up for so long that Carole ended up spoon feeding me a bowl of soup! Embarassing? Not much.......

Gratifyingly - although only after extended efforts from Donald to get him to open up - Luca's started to relax. However, this resulted in problem number two. Now imbued with a reinvigorated confidence he proceeded to socialise in a way only 3 year olds can - excessive jumping around and cries of laughter that would wake the dead.

We took him home shortly afterwards. Unsurprisingly he was fast asleep in the car within minutes.

Later that day - after Luca had been despactched for his night time sleep - Carole, Liz and I settled down for a home cooked meal (Venison - yum) and a movie ("The Invention of Lying" - utter cack).

And now it's Monday again. Yay.

I'll post another blog tonight with photo's, including another in my disturbingly regular series of "blinding Luca with the camer's flash as he sleeps"

**Useless fact of the day - Babies are born with very poor eyesight but can recognise their mothers almost right away**

I'm back. Contrary to the decision of the overwhelming majority who responded to my poll ("top yourself") I've instead to return reinvigorated.

To an extent. I'm back at work today following a three day course with my company. Have I returned to a world of sh*t? Of course. Why can't people follow basic instructions?

A few issues - and people - to be dealt with before the weekend begins then.

Apologies for the lack of updates, and more importantly lack of photo's. I actually did have time last night to blog but as the only picture on my camera was one of a field of sheep taken from the inside of my car as I drove along at 50mph I instead decided you could probably live without this.

Training aside, it's been a week of few events. Liz is still with us of course, and as always is doing far too much of the cooking and cleaning. My objections to the amount of work she does are fully heartfelt. "Please Liz, don't cook a delicious Sunday Roast". "Please Liz, don't do the dishes while I lie on the sofa and watch football"

Actually, in hindsight Carole did the roast. I think it best to point this out for reasons I need not explain.

To be fair I haven't been home too much to help. I did get home at a decent time on Monday night, allowing me to join the family meal. Carole, Liz, Luca and I sat down to a chicken stew. Very tasty, but of course Luca objected. The arms went up, the whine echoed and the bottom lip pouted so far I feared he'd develop an underbite.

He went to bed that night hungry. Harsh I know but we're desperately trying to teach him good eating habits. Much as he'd like to he can't live on chocolate yogurts.

As upset as he was, it was still incomparable to the anguish suffered by Liz. "I've got a DVD for us to watch" I proudly announced as the muffled noise of Luca singing in his bed upstairs resonated in the background. "Great, what is it?" replied the Mother and Daughter. "Rogue" I proclaimed. "It's about a giant crocodile who eats everybody"

Carole smiled. Liz didn't.

On Tuesday I didn't really see anyone. As my course was based in Aberdeen, I went straight from there to Pittodrie to watch Aberdeens evening game against Raith Rovers.

Did we lose? I was there, what do you think?

On Wednesday I picked up some ingredients from Sainsburys on the way home in order to cook Carole and Liz a meal. I took the recipe from a magazine I read in the shop. Did I buy the magazine though? No, I was too cheap. "Wouldn't not having the recipe make cooking the dish difficult?" you many wonder.

Yes. Yes it did.

It was nice to see Luca when I got home though, as I hadn't seen him for a couple of days. Disappointingly though he completely ignored me when I arrived in the house.
"Hallo Luca"
Silence
"I'm home Luca"
Silence
"Luca, aren't you going to say hello?"
Silence

At this point I walked up to him and knelt down beside him (he was eating his tea at the kitchen table at the time). "Luca, why aren't you talking to me?". He wouldn't even look at me. Then I saw his face shudder slightly.

I eventually managed to coax what was wrong out of him. He was upset with me. It transpires he didn't like how long I'd been away. Eventually, and only after I apologised for this, he let out a little sniffle and almost strangled me with his cuddle.

"Help me" he then beamed as he thrust his tomato sauce encrusted fork at me before instructing me to use it to pick the beans from his plate. "Not too many though" he said sternly waggling his finger at me.

I think that's enough for now. I'd let you know what Carole has been up to but as much of this week has revolved around her search for a wedding dress I am being treated like a mushroom.

**Useless fact of the day - Mushrooms grow best when they are kept in the dark and fed faeces**

Valentines Grey

A dour, dreich day awaited us as we opened the curtains this morning. No sun, little light and drizzle. The man who wrote the lyric "Caledonia you're calling me and now I'm going home" must also have been a devout Glenfiddich acolyte.

The boy above doesn't seem to suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder thankfully. Difficult? Yes. Cheeky? Undoubtedly. Dour? Absolutely not. Even when he's being naughty or awkward he does it all with a glint in his eye.

I'll describe the above photo in more detail further into the blog. But yes, everything on that tray is some form of chocolate.

Above is Grandma Liz and Luca chatting on the phone to Gramps Tom this morning. Liz had just presented Luca with some gifts from Tom (a boat and a train - both in his hands) so Luca was thanking his Gramps for the eagerly received toys. Indeed his call of "Thanks Gramps" was quickly followed by a subsequent squeal of "Open them!". Open them we did and off he went.

From where he darted through to the living room to play. Poor Isis took a few dunts in the nose from the chaotically charged toddlers train.

If you've seen yesterdays blog you'll have ascertained as to how badly my weekend has been ruined. I'm still sulking. Carole, however, attempted to lighten my mood in the evening as she took me out for a Valentines meal.

I was excused my responsibility of organising a Valentines treat this year for two reasons:-

1 - The epic day I arranged last year (Meldrum House, Lochters, His Majestys Theatre and, errmm, McDonalds)

2 - Money. The wedding may seem a long way away, but 8 months is a short time to save.

Obviously I wasn't going to argue. Carole drove us out to a restaurant in Oyne. "Gadie's" it was called, and although entirely unknown to myself it turned out to be a hidden gem (not unlike "The Neuk" Mike). It was new, quiet, with faultless service and beautifully fresh local food.

If I had any criticism it would be the size of the portions. My salmon main course was more akin to a whale and left me little room in which to fit the dessert.

But of course I found room from somewhere! It was a shared chocolate platter which was easily the most indulgent thing I've - we've - stomached this year. Fantastic though.

I've just thought of another criticism - they didn't serve Jack Daniels! My horror at such a predicament was displayed by my bizarre ordering of a glass of Baileys Sherry as an alternative. Bleurgh!

Today has been a lot less hectic than yesterday thus far. Carole and I had a semi-long lie in this morning while Liz got up with Luca (well, 8.30am) and from there we all went downstairs for a relaxing breakfast. "Relaxing" is relative, however, as there's nothing particularly relaxing about having a toddler continually squeal "No watch this, no like it" in your ear incessantly as you try to catch the goals on Sunday morning TV whilst he simultaneously eats my breakfast of jammy toast. It's like a scene from "Jaws" as he leans toward me, mouth agape, as I attempt to defend what's left of my breakfast from him.

Carole and Liz left mid morning to take a drive into Aberdeen to watch the 3D film "Avatar" at the cinema. Liz seemed a little unconvinced by the idea initially, but Carole insisted it was an experience not to be missed. To be fair Liz's opinion of said film had changed by the time they arrived home. "Wow" was the first word to come from her lips as they walked back in the door.

The women of the house are - as I type - cooking us a traditional Sunday dinner. Yummy. Will this be a meal which will, in some small way, make up for the devastating events of yesterday? Here's hoping.

I think the next poll may be entitled "How long will it be before Gary stops moaning about missing the game?"

When hell freezes over.

**Useless fact of the day - The very last verse in Isaiah (Old Testament Bible) tells us that the righteous will go and look upon the wicked. Hell then has to be some place where the righteous will be able to see burning. This means that Hell could not be in the center of the earth, for there are no fireproof elevators to take a person down to look upon hell, then bring them back up again**

Suicidal Sid

I went to the pub this morning and enjoyed a lovely pint of Abbott Ale with a few good friends.

After which we walked through bright sunshine to watch Aberdeen play Celtic in one of the biggest games of our season.

My on-call work phone started ringing.

I answered. Problems. I had to go into the office.

I ran back to the car and drove to work. I sorted the problem - which turned out to be not as urgent as I'd been advised.

The Aberdeen versus Celtic game finished 4 - 4 and was apparently the greatest game seen in Aberdeen in over a decade.

Have you ever seen a grown man cry like a baby?

**Useless fact of the day - Men’s tear ducts are smaller than women’s tear ducts**

Bit of lowbrow culture

Carole limerick:-

There once was a girl from the shire
Who's temper could flare like a fire
Her ass looked real nice
And she liked her curry spice
But her skinny man has got no spare tyre

Luca limerick:-

There was a young boy with long hair
Who's night time companion was a Tessy bear
He sang a good song
But his poos left a pong
And dinosaurs give him nightmares

Unsure why I felt it necessary to do that, perhaps I just needed a break from working for a minute. It's been a long day. That's my first - and last - attempt at limericks.

I'll post some new photo's later on. In particular one of Luca flat out in our bed last night - on my side, natch. He was beside Carole who had come down with stomach cramps early yesterday morning (worrying similar to those she experienced a year ago during the Armstrong's last visit) and stayed in bed all day.

This left Luca and I to fend for ourselves. Initially we sat at the breakfast table and discussed our surreal situation. "What do we do now?" I asked the short man. "We eat some chocolate now" came the excited, and overly predictable reply.

We didn't. I made us toast (I had quarter of a slice while Luca hogged the rest) before Luca took charge. "I need my medicine now" he reminded his absent minded Dad, and directed me toward the fridge to obtain the bottle of Halliborange Vitamin C. "Yum yum" he said as he sucked on the spoon of orange tasting vitamin goodness "I want more!"

He got no more. By this time I should have been half way to work so our shaggy haired colossus (he's getting really tall) was hoisted over my shoulder and ran out to the car. "Want my seatbelt on" he squealed as I absentmindedly in my haste forgot everything I've ever learnt about looking after kids.

I got him to nursery late - indeed I later arrived at my office 30 minutes late too - from where it transpires he had a moment of neediness. When I collected him at the end of the day the girls told me that after I'd left - and for the very first time - he'd stood quietly in the middle of the room for a few seconds before calling out "Daddy?" and bursting into tears.

Yes, it made me feel sorry for him too. I could tell he was glad to see me when I picked him up at night as he rubbed his hands across the side of my face and head - it's a weird thing he does when particularly pleased to see you.

We went to Morrisons Supermarket to pick up "Heinz Cream and Tomato Soup" for Carole (is there any food better designed for ill people?) and had our tea in the cafe there too. The cheeseburger and chips weren't a great hit though. "Luca's chips - but take the bread away" he whined while pushing the cheeseburger off his plate.

I had the cheeseburger. To be fair to him it wasn't great.

We got home a short while afterwards to find his Mum still in bed. She hadn't eaten for 24 hours by this point and was still in need of more sleep. Luca kept her company in bed though while I sorted a few things, and very cutely the two of them eventually fell asleep together.

Again, that's a first - we've always made a conscious effort to ensure Luca never sleeps with us. However, on this occasion the scene was so endearing I left the two of them to dream together.

Well, Carole was keen to dream. Luca stayed awake late regaling his Mum with every renditions of every song he's ever learnt. Many, many times over.......

Obviously Carole didn't go to her class last night - and I cancelled my football too in order to look after them both - and the situation remains constant for tonight as Caroles cancelled her Wednesday class. Perversely however, she went to work mid-morning today claiming the stomach cramps had gone. I wasn't pleased though, as by this juncture she still hadn't eaten a thing for almost 40 hours.

Another update to follow, hopefully with news of Caroles continued recovery alongside some rather endearing pictures or Sir Whine-a-lot.

**Useless fact of the day -Knights met each other at combined speeds of 60 mph when jousting**

Count 'em

"You don't put enough photo's on the blog Gary!"

"You out too many rubbish photo's on the blog Gary!"

I can't win. Make your mind up.

Today is more along the lines of the latter category. Due to the numbers featured I won't waffle. Above is Luca getting out of bed on Saturday morning. Following his disturbed sleep on Friday night.

Why was his sleep disturbed on Friday night? Because we encountered a rarity - Luca throwing up. I had sneaked through to kiss him goodnight as I readied myself my bed (some time before midnight) and initially almost failed to notice the slightly acidic aroma. It transpired he'd thrown up in bed, yet continued to be unperturbed by having to sleep alongside the regurgitated remnants of his stomach!

Why was he sick? We've no idea, as he seemed perfectly well, both before and after. Carole was the only one who turned a little green - she's not great with sick! "You clean the bed, I'll deal with the boy" I ordered when we discovered the little boy in the mess. The look of fear in Caroles eyes told me all I needed to know. "OK, other way round" I altered, and was witnessed with a look on her face of relief akin to the end of a bout of constipation.

Too far? Sorry, I'm struggling to concentrate as Luca sings in the bedroom beside me. "Boom, bak, wiggle wiggle wiggle wiggle, that's the way they wash their clothes". I have no idea what song that is, yet it clearly appears to be his present favourite.

However, I'm off topic. The three pictures above were taken in Inverurie library only minutes after we'd dropped Carole off at the train station to depart for her girls lunch in Aberdeen.

Time for a haircut yet?

We went to the supermarket afterwards (yesterday was indeed an exciting day.....) where Luca, of course, found the chocolate aisle within 3.2 seconds of arriving.

"I want this one Daddy"

"No Luca!"

"OK, this one then!"

He got neither - I wasn't risking another vomit session. We came home shortly after and he curled up on the sofa with his new favourite teddy - Stripey the tiger. It's curious, you can spend fortunes on toys and games for the boy without ever knowing what will and won't be popular. Indeed, I obtained Stripey at work on Friday from an airline salesman on Friday who'd come in for an appointment. So thank you to "Cathay Air" for their free tiger that is now Luca's constant companion - and one that I almost threw in the bucket! Whew.....

And here he is again. Very, very tired by this stage, the knock on effect of the lost sleep caused by his midnight shower on Friday was now very apparent. I put him to bed shortly after, where he fell asleep before I'd even left his room.

Should I mention I forgot to put his nappy on before putting him down for his afternoon nap? No, I don't think I will, it would make me sound a bit of a fool.

**Useless fact of the day - The US Superbowl is played tonight, and companies wishing to air an advertisement during the games half time break will need to stump up over $3 million**

I'm hungry

My stomach is rumbling a bit today. I cooked Carole dinner last night, but due to my newly sensitive tooth I decided not to eat my (experimental Indian dish) until later.

However, later never came....

I took Sima for a jaunt to the local shop to buy a pint of milk while Carole enjoyed her spicy meal, only to return to find the pan lying empty. "Where's Goldilocks?" I wondered inwardly before spotting a rather sheepish looking Carole grinning on the telephone. "It was a mouse" she scribbled on a bit of paper beside me.

An angry sulk later, with a series of disbelieving apologies from Carole ("I'm so sorry, I thought you'd already eaten!") I settled down with a yogurt and shortbread and read teletext (do you get this in America and Australia?) while Carole settled down outside with a healthy cup of green tea and a contradictorily unhealthy cigarette.

The evening had initially started earlier with much less incident. I picked Luca up from nursery, and immediately demanded details of his trip to the Art Gallery. "Did you have fun at the art gallery?" I queried. "Yes" came the rather limited reply. Probing further I asked "What did you do at the art gallery?". "Played" came the reply.

I later found they'd been doing some drawing and colouring (I don't think he's going to the next Van Gogh), and that he'd seen the library too. "I saw library" he smiled, "We didn't go in though" he continued with a sad look creeping across his pudgy face.

He's entering another affectionate faze again, and has taken to wrapping himself around my leg if I attempt to leave the room he's currently residing in. "No Dad, you stay with Luca" he insists, with as much authority in his voice as he can muster.

We received a nice phone call last night too - I've been asked to be Godfather (the literal kind, not the podgy Marlon Brando variety) to Harry, Donald and Luisa's firstborn. The christening is on the 21st of this month, and apparently I have to carry the child into the church for the ceremony.

What's the odds I trip?

Today has been a little less gratifying however. We woke this morning with Carole complaining she felt ill. Apparently she'd been coughing all night. "Did you not hear me, I haven't slept, I've been coughing since I came to bed!". "Nope" I replied honestly. Considering I slept through the first year of Luca's life as he cried and spluttered his way through almost every night then I'm pretty certain I'm capable of sleeping through anything.

I came home from my morning dog walk ("Isis, come here. Isis, come here. ISIS COME HERE. ISIS! You little bu**er, come here now!") to find a very sad looking scene. Luca had just woken so was still half asleep and needed a cuddle. His Mummy was ill and needed a cuddle. Both were curled up together in the corner of his bed. "Time to get up" I whispered, and two sets of bloodshot red eyes glowered at me.

Due to an important meeting Carole (unbeknownst to me) got ready and went to work not long after Luca and I left. I haven't heard from her since this morning so I assume she went straight home after it or has fallen asleep in the corner and will only be discovered by the councils cleaner later this evening.

This weekend? Quiet for once thankfully, although Carole is out to lunch with the girls tomorrow. I'd imagine, however, that on this occasion the lunch will be alcohol free.

Luca and I? We'll hit the swimming pool with his new armbands and I'll keep him swimming until he can swim no more - there's a big game on TV at lunchtime (Liverpool v Everton) so I'd like him asleep in time for kick off........

**Useless fact of the day - Cigarette smokers aged 35, men or women, are twice as likely (when compared with non-smokers) to die before they reach the age of 65**

No, not the drill, please not the drill

I had a dentist appointment this morning. I don't like dentists. However, this was a new dentist. Unfortunately he was just like all the other dentists. Stick a needle in your gum, shove a drill in your mouth then send you away to spend the rest of the day drooling like a simpleton.

To be fair, he was fine, but it's been a heck of a long time since my last visit and just as importantly it was also my first visit since I quit my 17 year smoking habit. The diagnosis wasn't actually as bad as I feared, despite the emergency drill on tooth 4F - although I do have another appointment next week. The picture above (slanted of course - would you expect it any other way?) shows the country roads I had to travel down to reach the surgery this morning. As with much of Aberdeenshire, snow still dominates the landscape and with temperatures at minus four degree's braking did prove a little futile at times with the icy roads instead deciding what direction I should travel.

Still the snow does help provide a pretty picture. Showing the rural nature of our surroundings is easy, especially when you pass fields of Highland Cows on your way home.

Actually, I thought they were from the car but as you can see from the picture above, they were actually of the more bog standard variety.

That's 30 seconds of your life you'll never get back.

I'm off for the rest of the day now, with not much to do. I've had a spot of lunch - I decided fishcakes and custard (separately) would provide a soft and safe enough meal to avoid damaging my new filling - but it was a little unsatisfying due to the necessity of wearing one of Luca's bibs to catch the bits that slithered out of my still numb mouth. I'm glad no-one was here to witness it.

And speaking of Luca................He's on a road trip with his nursery today, visiting the Art Gallery in Aberdeen (http://www.aagm.co.uk/). I'm not quite sure what interest a group of 3 to 5 year olds will have with the latest Tracy Emin atrocity (seriously, is it just me or is all her work just complete cr*p?) but doubtless we'll find out more when I collect him tonight.

The art gallery is actually situated near Aberdeen's Central Library, an establishment well known to our young buck. In fact, a quick mental calculation indicates he's been there on around 40 occasions. Hopefully he won't cause a fuss when he realises he's not going in there today. Rather satisfactorily for his Dad, he loves the library and almost always does a little excited dance just as we walk in the buildings arched door.

Back to weddings (you're going to be so bored hearing about this by the time it comes around), we received our confirmation letter from the band in yesterday - just the £100 deposit to be paid now - and are also now ready to write our definitive wedding guest list. The numbers are rising exponentially now, with the day event alone now encompassing around 60 - rather too many for my liking. Still, Carole and I will sit down again tomorrow night (with various and copious amounts of alcohol on the table too, natch) to confirm who can and can't.

The numbers do concern me, but if our wedding is similar to most others I've attended over the past few years there will be large numbers of invited guests unable to come. At least I hope so.....

My mouth isn't numb any more, yay.

I've been a little reticent when it comes providing Luca stories of late haven't I? I'm trying to think of some, but as it's been a busy period of late we haven't had too much Dad-Son time. He's been good of late, and it's interesting seeing him recognising words now - I guess the significant time his Mum and Granny put in reading to him is paying dividends.

He loves people reading to him. I'll sometimes sit at the breakfast table with him and read the newspaper. "Read it to me" he'll insist while jabbing his stubby little finger on the thin inky paper. He doesn't care what's read to him. I've even read him excerpts from the business section, and he'll sit transfixed as you proceed to read paragraphs about stock fluctuations and hostile takeovers. Weird.

Reading Dad's blog of late, baring particular reference to he and Mums burgeoning interest in US TV series "The Wire" has got me thinking of my televisual habits. Similarly to those last mentioned, I've developed a particular penchance for American telly. I'm presently addicted to:-

"Chuck" (About a computer nerd who has spy secrets downloaded into his brain)

"Better Off Ted" (About a moral man working for a morally ambiguous company)

"United States of Tara" (About a housewife with multiple schizophrenic personalities)

"How I Met Your Mother" (Basically a rip off of "Friends")

"V" (Remake of a particularly weird 1980's sci-fi)

Amongst others. Why can British TV not replicate the inventiveness and quality of it's US counterparts? When "Doctor Who" is classified as one of British TV's best shows it's surely time to weep.

I'll post again on Saturday with finalised wedding details, details of Luca's trip and of course pictures of the boy himself (just in case you've forgotten what he looks like by now)

**Useless fact of the day - In many countries it is illegal to date your gym instructor**

Tuesday Bluesday

Does anyone else feel their office is akin to a prison cell sometimes?

I'm just tired and grumpy today ("plus ca change!") after innumerable days spent covering other staff members absences. The final irritant - and irony - is my boss denying my holiday request for the April holidays due to others pre-booked holidays.

Well, not irony as such (it's about as ironic as the un-ironic examples Alanis Morrisette sang of in her 1995 hit "Ironic". "Isn't it ironic" she sang "rain on your wedding day". That's not ironic, it's merely bad luck) merely aggravating and a little dispiriting too.

What it means is that Carole and Luca will be visiting Lincoln alone between 7th and 11th April, while I stay home and live off a diet of "All Day Breakfast" in a can and "Fray Bentos" pies.

Aye, Mike knows what I'm talking about.

Joking aside this will be longest I've gone without seeing Carole and Luca in Luca's lifetime. In fact March will bring a similar event, as Carole flies to Manchester for a three day course for work. As such Luca will be in my sole care. An interesting development certainly, and one which I am feeling a little trepidation toward. In preparation I've booked half days at work for that week in order to give me sufficient time to walk dogs, cook, shop, etc, etc. I will, of course, photograph and post pictures on the blog of myself in my pinny.

I feel a little left out right now, as my diary presently shows no such trips away. I have a 3 day managerial course due in February but with that being based in Aberdeen my need to travel - at least in the interim - is non-existent.

I'm not the greatest traveller - my car sickness and perenial habit of falling asleep minutes into any journey don't exactly make me the ideal travel companion - but I do intend to investigate our little country a little more fully with my equally little family as the year progresses.

First intended destination? Edinburgh zoo. I wonder whether the Luca or the snarling, carnivorous animals will be more alarmed by the prospect.

I ended Sundays blog rather prematurely, without having mentioned Carole and my visit to the wedding band showcase. To call our visit brief would be accurate, as the bands on show were not of premier standard. Indeed, the first almost had the room in stitches with their cover version of "Run" by "Snow Patrol" as the singers larynx somehow failed to hit a single right note. You'd think by accident he'd luck out at some point in the song, and we so willed him on but our hopes were not fulfilled and an eerie silence followed the songs last bars.

On a more positive note, the event had a chocolate waterfall in the corner of an adjoining room with all manner of delicacies ready to be showered underneath - marshmallows, fudge and mini donuts amongst them. Carole was surprised by my show of restraint as I ate only one, but I will use this blog as a confessional post. At the end, as Carole had a cigarette outside before we embarked on our journey home, I told her I had to go back inside to use the toilet. This was technically correct as I did visit their facilities, but only after I'd paid another pilgrimage to the chocolate fountain......

As Dad has already blogged about Sunday evening, I'll instead move onto Monday night, where after Luca improbably spent the day behaving like an angel (honestly) we put him down to bed and relaxed with a movie and one of my experimental meals. Yes, it's been a while since my last!

It was pretty good (a meaty beany soup that gave me hiccups), but our accompanying movie of choice split opinion. It was called "Triangle", and was a horror/thriller loosely revolving around the Bermuda Triangle myth. I thought it was thought provoking and quite ingenious at points - even evoking memories of "The Shining" during many scenes on board the vessel - but Carole was less impressed by it's lack of logic.

Mum is babysitting Luca today while Carole and I do our exercise thing - Carole bouncing around at her fitness class while I illogically attempt to turn back time on the football pitch - although word has come through, via text, that due to weather she won't take him home and instead take him to our house in Inverurie.

Hopefully the snow will let up later and allow her to return home. Otherwise she can experience the pleasure of an overnight stay followed by a morning call provided by a slobbery kiss from Isis.

**Useless fact of the day - The first known documentation ofstrange anomalies in the Bermuda Triangle was recorded by the famed explorer Christopher Columbus in October 1492, when he and his crew was said to have passed through the area. On the eleventh of October of that year, Columbus recorded in his log book that his crew had seen “strange dancing lights on the horizon”, “flames in the sky”, and later recorded that he had observed bizarre compass bearings in the area**