I'm back. Contrary to the decision of the overwhelming majority who responded to my poll ("top yourself") I've instead to return reinvigorated.

To an extent. I'm back at work today following a three day course with my company. Have I returned to a world of sh*t? Of course. Why can't people follow basic instructions?

A few issues - and people - to be dealt with before the weekend begins then.

Apologies for the lack of updates, and more importantly lack of photo's. I actually did have time last night to blog but as the only picture on my camera was one of a field of sheep taken from the inside of my car as I drove along at 50mph I instead decided you could probably live without this.

Training aside, it's been a week of few events. Liz is still with us of course, and as always is doing far too much of the cooking and cleaning. My objections to the amount of work she does are fully heartfelt. "Please Liz, don't cook a delicious Sunday Roast". "Please Liz, don't do the dishes while I lie on the sofa and watch football"

Actually, in hindsight Carole did the roast. I think it best to point this out for reasons I need not explain.

To be fair I haven't been home too much to help. I did get home at a decent time on Monday night, allowing me to join the family meal. Carole, Liz, Luca and I sat down to a chicken stew. Very tasty, but of course Luca objected. The arms went up, the whine echoed and the bottom lip pouted so far I feared he'd develop an underbite.

He went to bed that night hungry. Harsh I know but we're desperately trying to teach him good eating habits. Much as he'd like to he can't live on chocolate yogurts.

As upset as he was, it was still incomparable to the anguish suffered by Liz. "I've got a DVD for us to watch" I proudly announced as the muffled noise of Luca singing in his bed upstairs resonated in the background. "Great, what is it?" replied the Mother and Daughter. "Rogue" I proclaimed. "It's about a giant crocodile who eats everybody"

Carole smiled. Liz didn't.

On Tuesday I didn't really see anyone. As my course was based in Aberdeen, I went straight from there to Pittodrie to watch Aberdeens evening game against Raith Rovers.

Did we lose? I was there, what do you think?

On Wednesday I picked up some ingredients from Sainsburys on the way home in order to cook Carole and Liz a meal. I took the recipe from a magazine I read in the shop. Did I buy the magazine though? No, I was too cheap. "Wouldn't not having the recipe make cooking the dish difficult?" you many wonder.

Yes. Yes it did.

It was nice to see Luca when I got home though, as I hadn't seen him for a couple of days. Disappointingly though he completely ignored me when I arrived in the house.
"Hallo Luca"
Silence
"I'm home Luca"
Silence
"Luca, aren't you going to say hello?"
Silence

At this point I walked up to him and knelt down beside him (he was eating his tea at the kitchen table at the time). "Luca, why aren't you talking to me?". He wouldn't even look at me. Then I saw his face shudder slightly.

I eventually managed to coax what was wrong out of him. He was upset with me. It transpires he didn't like how long I'd been away. Eventually, and only after I apologised for this, he let out a little sniffle and almost strangled me with his cuddle.

"Help me" he then beamed as he thrust his tomato sauce encrusted fork at me before instructing me to use it to pick the beans from his plate. "Not too many though" he said sternly waggling his finger at me.

I think that's enough for now. I'd let you know what Carole has been up to but as much of this week has revolved around her search for a wedding dress I am being treated like a mushroom.

**Useless fact of the day - Mushrooms grow best when they are kept in the dark and fed faeces**